My Journey To Evolutionary Love Relationship – Part 2

by Melanie Tonia Evans

 

I hope you enjoyed Part One of ‘My Journey To An Evolutionary Relationship’, and if you are single and ready to start magnetising a wonderful relationship, that it assisted you with your deliberate relationship creation.

This article is the actual details of my dating experiences!

Truly there may be need to be a Part Three to this series…I’m not sure…after all I am now in the United States, and there is plenty of socialising taking place in amongst business meetings.

Even though I am internet dating in Australia, the truth is ‘my beloved’ could turn up anywhere. I am intimately aware that ‘the field’ Source / Life / God has permutations, possibilities and ‘chance meetings’ available that I could not even possibly dream of!

I know that I could meet my future partner anywhere – in any country…

But let’s look at what I have been up to!

Not Waiting to Be ‘In Love’

I did a post on facebook during the week, which was about how it isn’t appropriate to wait for a person to come along in order to ‘get’ a life. The truth is when we build and ‘be’ our life, then the person who fits in with it perfectly will come.

That is exactly what I am doing, and what I 100% believe.

It’s vital to understand – to be able to receive the opportunities that our intentions are generating with life, it is so important to free ourselves of fear, and to be connected to the field with love, happiness and openness (the very recipe for miracles), and NOT be in analysis whilst doing so.

Not only does this communicate a big “yes” to life for love to come in, it also means there are unlimited ways to experience heart connection, joy, laughs and ‘oneness’ with even total strangers.

The gorgeous thing is – when we have no agenda, we can be open and friendly to everyone, regardless of whether they are a love potential or not, and we get to experience the freedom and the joy of connection – as the flow of wellbeing and Life.

As I talked about in last week’s article – when we are secure in our own bodies flowing Source through us, and knowing we have all the resources to look after ourselves, and that Life adores us and has our back – we can be fearless and connect.

(Of course when we have cleared the inner blocks that previously made it frightening to connect).

Being fearless is NOT being reckless.

Being reckless is turning up in the field with unattended to inner fear and pain, not listening to yourself, not trusting yourself and THEN expecting other people to take responsibility for your inner wounds and your own lack of inner development.

That’s the definition of handing your power over.

There is a HUGE difference…

Okay…back to dating!

My New Profile Results

After updating my profile, I left the contact up to men. I am busy – very busy. I grant a lot of time to myself doing the things I like, exercise, yoga, I catch up with family and friends, and I have a very busy mission with this business.

As a result I decided I wouldn’t search for and contact men. I am having too much of a great time living, and that is why I leave it up to men to contact me.

Definitely getting clear, and stating my truth changed the quality of contact I received from men. I had never previously had difficulty with men who contacted in an objectifying and sexual way, so that wasn’t the big change.

Just to elaborate on ‘that’ a little. Many women have beliefs that internet dating is all about ‘sex’ and men on there are ‘players’ and ‘just after one thing’….I don’t have these beliefs, and have always been clear if I am approached in that way, I simply completely detach , and truly it just doesn’t happen to me. Because I don’t have an emotional charge around it, it is not an issue for me, and I don’t attract it.

It is the things we get sucked in by, hooked by and emotional charged up by which keep presenting (wounds that have not been evolved yet). That always indicate there is work to be done here!

Especially the things that REALLY freak us out or rile us up.

It’s so interested how we all have our ‘Achilles heels’ that show up, whereas other things just don’t, when we are clear and solid on that particular topic.

So the difference that my very clear relationship intention statement generated, was the men contacting were more obviously ‘real’. They were more open in their language, exposing more about who they were as people, and there was less emphasis on ‘what I drive, own or earn’.

Some of these men expressed spiritual interests and values. These men were also not trying to be overly funny, impressive or flattering. In other words they were much more comfortable to just be themselves.

Yay!!

These men, as a whole, didn’t seem to represent my old security and identity fears (I need a man to survive) and weren’t the men whose profiles and language contained ego, arrogance, competition, superiority, ‘Why I’m better than other men’ etc..

So far, so good. Life was collaborating beautifully with me.

The Previous ‘Test’

I am totally aware that in order to evolve past our previous patterns Life always diligently supplies the ‘test’.

Now this is where we have the choice:

Hate the test, or

Thrive on it…

I HOPE you choose to thrive on it – because that is the only way you get to pass tests and go to the next level.

It is SO naive and truly lacks courage if we choose to believe -  just because we don’t want something in our life anymore that it shouldn’t show up.

The truth is you have to walk under ladders on your path CALMLY and POWERFULLY if you no longer want these ladders to appear on your path.

This I why I want to share these experiences and inspire you to grab these up levelling opportunities with both hands, and even joyfully expect these opportunities to show up.

So many people state “I am sick of this. WHY do these SAME people keep turning up???” “I don’t want to meet THESE TESTS anymore!!!!”

I’ll tell you why they turn up…

So that YOU can THIS TIME do it differently!

Then you graduate…

So don’t assume that this is ‘The Universe’ treating you horribly, because it is in fact the most POWERFUL and LOVING way Life can co-create with you.

I have received two tests since dating, which have been standouts.

There are ‘tests’ all the time with dating,  certain ones were easy and certain ones really challenged the old programs, and was Source / God / Life asking “Okay have you REALLY got this yet Melanie?” 

Because you are not passing ‘GO’ unless you have!”

The first test occurred before I updated my profile, at a time when I was doing a huge amount of work on myself, and not seriously focused on dating.

A man who I had met years ago, and previously had a very powerful attraction to reappeared in my life. I felt the same experience towards this man – he is attractive, tall, articulate, a gentleman, spiritual, humble, and super intelligent emotionally and mentally.

In fact when I met him years ago the attraction and connection was mind-blowing, but the timing was not right – even though we both felt it.

This time, even though I was single, he was very honest about not being sorted in a separation process and various other challenges in his life. Timing was out again.

Despite this he wanted to stay connected while he sorted out what he needed to do.

It was tempting.

The old me would have gone into limitation and fear that a connection this powerful had only ever happened twice in my life (first boyfriend who was a great guy and this one now) and maybe it would never happen for me again.

But I stayed true to my own development and journey.

I let him go on the understanding that if and when he was sorted to seek me out – and if I was single we could explore further. He respected this and also let go. That was months ago and neither of us have contacted each other since.

After making this decision it was not hard for me to move on, I rarely think about him, knowing that if he is the man for me, Life will deliver, and if not I have saved myself from a painful time of being in love with someone with unfinished, messy business.

We know when we have made the right decision because there is total peace with it. I went to a Marianne Williamson event Monday night in LA, and as she stated “If you haven’t got peace – then there is something you need to look at…”

So true…

My peace was the deep anchoring into knowing within the unlimited mechanics of life absolutely I can experience attraction at that level again, because that is my true intention with relationship – and for now (and maybe always) he is not available for a true relationship with me.

Then the next test was even more challenging…

The Big Test

Very shortly after my profile was updated the next test came.

A man who was available, attractive, successful, spiritual, and communication wise astoundingly compatible. He made his intentions very clear that he was seeking a committed relationship with me.

This man was romancing me. He was sophisticated. It was heady, exciting and tempting.

I spent three dates with him investigating, yet something in my gut wasn’t connecting.

Here it was – my old glass ceiling of the past.

Specifically it.

This is where even though ‘I’m not really feeling this’, I would usually come up with all of the reasons in my mind why ‘this guy is a catch’, and because he was so keen on me, go along with it and get into a relationship.

First narc I totally did fall ‘head over heels with’ despite glaring warning signs (I was incredibly naive back then), second narc I didn’t – I ascertained him logically, got fooled by the mirage and fell for it, despite not really ‘feeling it’.

Of course this was to do with the old security fears.

So here I was again, with a man who seemed accomplished, secure and successful (in a much more credible and solid ways than the previous narcs), highly intelligent, much more physically attractive and had ‘so much to offer’.

The old me would have ascertained him mentally – CERTAINLY would have thought he was ‘a good catch’, my security and safety can finally be assured, my struggles and fears in life would be over, and I would have said “Yes” and gone with it, hoping that in time the feeling of ‘hmmmm I’m not really connecting with you’ would dissipate.

So here it was – THE BIG TEST.

I knew it, and I honoured my gut feeling of ‘not really connecting’ and I said “No”.

He reacted to my decision, and was adamant about “How I had made a mistake and wouldn’t find anyone else as good as him, and that I had no idea how capable he was and what he could produce etc etc.”

He was arrogant – obviously…

I was turned off– obviously…

I’ve heard it all before…

I was thrilled how quickly Life supplied me with the total confirmation I was on the right track and just how accurate my gut feelings were.

Then he sent me messages of devastation and deep poetic ones of ‘our connection’, and links to songs etc. – and I didn’t waver.

The old me used to crumble and go for that stuff…repeatedly.

I used to feel like – Who will ever love me that much again?

Thank goodness I’m not that same woman anymore.

I can’t tell you the empowerment I felt from passing THAT test. Wow!

I graduated…

The Other Dates

Those two tests were older men, and since the last test there have been 9 other dates – all with men who I had emailed, spoke to and ascertained enough about them to meet up.

One of these is a man who has become a friend who I have been out on several dates with. I originally met him months ago before I updated my profile.

It’s strange, because a part of me sometimes thinks and feels that this could be my man, he’s been under my nose for a long time now…but I’m not sure.

And I’m not quite sure why I am not sure – yet…

What I do know about him is he is sweet, kind, attractive and smart. I’m definitely attracted. Spiritual ‘enough’ I’m not sure.

Maybe he is one of those people who emotionally is together without having to do oodles of self-development. (I was certainly NOT one of those people).

I don’t think I am meant to know yet…time will tell.

One thing I do 100% know for sure, is that when I met this man some months ago, I am happy I did not get into a relationship, and that I have spent this time alone.

It has been such an incredible growth period in my life – the most powerful in fact – and I simply COULD NOT have done this much dedication to myself if I was in a relationship, and I am thrilled to be single and have had 14 months on my own.

He and I talked just recently about the ‘him and I possibility’, and we’ll meet up after LA (as long as neither of us are taken by then!) to really sit down and talk this through. That could be done very frankly and honestly with him.

Interesting…

The other guys have been a variety of men ranging from 30 to 55.

The 30 year old guy was hilarious.

He owns a company with branches in different states (checked out and credible). When he contacted me I was pretty fascinated, and wanted to meet him – because someone so young, so successful and driven is fascinating to me. Plus I thought it would be a great experience to date someone this young.

So we started communicating about meeting up.

I told him the Tuesday or Thursday night was free to meet, and I didn’t hear back from him. Tuesday night came and he texted at 9pm and wanted to meet. I told him it was too late notice.

He reacted badly and rudely! That was clearly the end of that…

No need to engage any further!

The other guys ranged from spiritual to non- spiritual – the ‘most’ spiritual was in fact way too scattered and irresponsible but a lovely chap nevertheless, and the least spiritual a merchant banker.

All really nice guys, all great lunches or dinners and wonderful conversation. Just not quite that special connection.

Apart from one other guy. He’s in his late 30’s. From the moment we met he rattled my cage.

He in very smart, incredibly great questioner, and very subtly probing – in fact so much so that my ‘narcdar’ was up.

And incredible blue eyes, and very attractive. No arrogance (insecurity), but enough ‘skills’ to make me wary.

Definite danger zone!!!

What was also unnerving was the incredible compatible conversation, and feelings of connection.

After dinner we ended up for a walk down the beach on a hot night, we had rolled up our trousers and were paddling in the water.

Before I knew it he had me in his arms in the waves, and BOY did I feel it…

Oh la la – yes I am human!!

I totally admit – it confused me. I kissed him that night by the car, and had to get away. I was feeling fluttery – BIG TIME!

What happened next was different…

The normal love-bombing didn’t happen.

I took that as a good sign – but still my jury has not made a decision – I don’t know enough about him.

He could be a great guy who is confident, charismatic, super smart and reads people brilliant – or….. he is not right for me to consider. His true intentions aren’t even clear yet.

What transpired was some contact with him – then none. I was fine with that. I am actually uninspired when men don’t ‘show up’ – I lose interest.

So it was really simple to keep dating and not even worry about his contact or not. I had completely let it go, and forgotten all about him. You see, I have COMPLETE and utter faith that Life is looking after me beautifully. If something doesn’t come together it’s because it’s not meant to.

Then he contacted again.

He was worth another look, but then he broke the date for a work issue.

Again I was uninspired.

In fact so uninspired, if that happens again with him I’ll bow out, and that’s all perfectly okay.

He contacted wishing me the best for the trip as did the other gentleman who is ‘my friend’ before I left Australia.

….and that is EXACTLY where I am presently at!!!

The Journey

Truly, I am LOVING this part of my life. I am here in LA having the most incredible meetings, doing the most incredible things –and the MAGIC that is happening in my life regarding personal growth, and the growth of my business and this mission is an unprecedented SHIFT upwards from life as I used to know it.

I am meeting people and doing things that I only used to previously dream about, and I am open in the field and saying “yes” to stepping way outside my previously imagined identity.

I have never felt more whole, confident, inspired and truly ME in my entire life.

I have never felt more alive.

Therefore the man in my future - my ultimate partner is NOT my identity.

I am.

The man in my life will be someone who also has his own identity, and THEN he and I will share a life together.

That’s my orientation and intention, that is what I am standing for and what I am generating – and TRULY I am having such a wonderful time, and I am so grateful for all the growth, opportunities and learning along the way…

Plus I am so grateful for all of you in this community, without you this wouldn’t be possible!

Let’s see if a Part Three comes, or not (or maybe it will later)….but what is really important is in some way I HOPE this can help your dating intentions and experiences!