Individuation

Individuation

To find out what is truly individual in ourselves, profound reflection is needed; and suddenly we realize how uncommonly difficult the discovery of individuality in fact is. -Carl Jung

I have the courage to individuate

Today, I see that some of my anger toward my parents or their generation is about my need to separate from them and seek an individual identity. Even if my parents were wonderful, it would be natural to want to become my own person. Healthy parents have an easier time allowing this process because they have their own identity and intuitively understand what their children are doing. They know they did a good job and so have less shame, less guilt, and less need to outsource their pain. And likewise, fulfilled kids have an easier time letting go of the past; they are less anxious and ambivalent about moving into their own lives because they know they have a home to return to. Less healthy parents take separation as a personal indictment. This can make them want to hold on even tighter, or to reject and push away the relationship when there is conflict. Less healthy kids hold onto their past waiting for it to correct itself somehow. It is difficult to separate under these circumstances because each conflict gets loaded up with fears of abandonment. It is difficult to establish an individual identity without fearing the threat of either loss or engulfment.