25th June 2012 – Neytiri – P has to go to the orthodontist tomorrow at 12. Will you wait till i get back and text you or do you want to Skype thursday.
25th June 2012 – Neytiri – I see you.
25th June 2012 – Jake – ICU2! When do u expect 2 b back?
25th June 2012 – Neytiri – I don’t know. Sometimes there’s a wait. I could text you if it gets late.
25th June 2012 – Jake – Roughly what time would u normally take, so I can plan?
25th June 2012 – Neytiri –About 1.30
25th June 2012 – Jake – Ok. Text me b4 I die or when u get home or if u r late..ish’llah
26th June 2012 – Jake – It’s not true that the perception of an angel is someone who wears white dress and with wings. Instead, they look exactly like us. If you don’t want to believe me, look in front of a mirror and there, you’ll see my angel.
Fear is a natural human emotion. Like many termed ‘negative emotions’ it can serve a positive function. That function was designed to protect you from harm (“There’s a fire – yikes! Run!”). The problem is, fear can take on a life of its own and become a hindrance and limiter. It can paralyse and thwart growth, happiness and success.
Everyone has fears on physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels; everything from the fear of death, to the fear of humiliation, loneliness, rejection, and so on. I will explore some of these shortly.
What’s less acknowledged, which I’ll address first, is the fear of positive things! People can be afraid of love, success, intimacy, power, money, happiness even, for example.
This can be because of (often hidden) feared consequences around them, such as the fear of loss, of responsibility, of being seen, of not being good enough, of stepping outside your comfort zone, of being ‘more than’ one of your parents (and feeling disloyal about that), of change itself, and so on.
These are often less conscious fears yet can create resistances to achieving those things in your life.
One thing to look at in discovering fears of positive things, is if there’s something you desire that you don’t have in your life, a part of you may be resisting it, i.e. be afraid of it, whether that’s money, power, visibility, intimacy, and so on.
Of course, it may also be because you have limiting beliefs that hinder your manifestation of these, or a combination of both. If subconsciously you believe money is bad or evil, you will likely fear and sabotage attaining it, whether you’re conscious of that dynamic or not.
It is liberating and empowering to face your fears, learn from them, and befriend them, rather than run away from them.
Fear won’t necessarily disappear if you ignore it, and if in your subconscious may show up in your life in some form, so you may as well face those fears, feel and release the feelings around them, and discover what they are telling you about the beliefs and expectations you hold.
What you secretly fear you may attract, even without focussing on it, simply because that energy exists in your consciousness, even if denied.
Obviously, what you consciously fear you may also attract, because your attention is on it and your thoughts (which are manifestors of reality) are directed towards it.
The more aware you become of your fears (and any negative beliefs behind them), the more you are able to release them and let them go. It is what you resist that persists.
That’s why owning your fears, facing them, being present with them and feeling them if necessary, can help to release them.
Acknowledge and listen to your fears. What are they saying about what’s going on inside? Writing them down, feeling them, or running through them like a scenario in your mind to release the emotions around them, can all be liberating.
This is different to dwelling on your fears, and more a cathartic release process. When you run from fears, they usually become bigger and turn into scary monsters. When you face them, they shrink and dissolve in the light of your awareness and ownership.
It’s OK to be scared. Allow yourself that. Own that there are things that may frighten you (unless you really aren’t frightened of anything, which is unlikely). What you accept, you more easily let go of and release.
Types of fears may be different for different people, as I explore below.
Some people may be very brave in one area, yet terrified in another. Some people are brave with emotions yet scared of heights; others may take on a big challenge in business, yet run from feelings, and so on.
There are reasons why you’re scared. Don’t judge your fears and be compassionate with yourself. Owning them in itself can help to transform them.
Sometimes you need to get digging to uncover fears, and there can be fears under your fears!
The fear of public speaking, for example, can hide a deeper fear of visibility, rejection, humiliation, or vulnerability, for example.
The fear of commitment might hide a deeper fear of intimacy, which can hide a deeper fear of being abandoned, or a belief you are ‘not good enough’, or a fear of losing freedom, etc.
What are your main fears? What fears grip you the most?
Here are some common examples:
Rejection
Abandonment
Being judged or disliked
Death
Pain
Betrayal
Being attacked
Being ostracised
Loss of security
Loss of Power
Loss of freedom
Loss of control
Loss of beauty or youth
Failure
Humiliation
Being stifled or controlled
Intimacy
Commitment
Of course, there are many more possible fears. Let me know if I’ve missed a biggie here in the comments section below, and there are fears of positive things too, as mentioned earlier.
Experiencing your fears through facing them (i.e. ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway’) is one way to help them diminish.
Dance in the shadows of your fears and they will turn to light.” ~Aine Belton
If you practised public speaking at Toastmasters classes, or did a speaker’s course, for example, your fear would likely decrease over time. Each time you face a fear it loses power over you.
In experiencing your fears (I think I’ve lived through a lot of mine now, other than death, though I’ve been close to that once too), is that you realise you survive in spite of them, that you are MORE than your fears and anything that can happen to you, and this in itself brings a new found sense of faith and freedom!
Clearly, some fears you don’t want to experience, nor would it be in your highest interest to. I will be sharing more ways of dealing with and transcending fear in Part 2 and beyond in this series.
When you look at your fears, what might they be pointing to about your beliefs about yourself, others and the world, life-scripts, and stories?
Look at your fears and ask yourself the question “What must I believe to have a strong fear about this?”
If you have a strong fear about being burgled, mugged or robbed, do you believe the world is an unsafe place, or that people are dangerous?
If you fear making a mistake, or being wrong, were you once punished and shamed for making a mistake? Do you believe you are not enough, and hence strive for perfectionism to prove your worth?
If you fear being rejected in a relationship, is it because you believe that relationships don’t last, you are not good enough, that the people you love will leave you or let you down, that true love doesn’t exist, that you don’t deserve love, that men/women are cold, uncaring, etc.?
If you fear loneliness, is it that you believe you are alone, or that you are unloved or unloveable? That you do not yet understand that you are never alone and are ever connected to the loving source of creation, loved in every moment?
Sometimes you fear loneliness because you are disconnected from yourself. It is the very absence of you that creates the vacuous, empty feeling of loneliness. Or sometimes you fear it because you fear facing the emotions you are carrying inside that may be painful, for example.
If you have negative fears in your relationship, what beliefs do you have about that gender? Do you believe men/women are untrustworthy/uncommitted/controlling/unfaithful? Does this relate to childhood experiences with one of your parents?
Fears can even stem from past-life experiences, as I discovered personally with a past-life persecution experience.
What fundamental assumptions lie behind your fears that could be changed?
Are your fears similar to your parent’s fears and represent ancestral patterns (and corresponding beliefs therein)?
Do your fears come out of a belief in scarcity? (Being scared that there never will be enough money, love, time, for example).
Many fears are based on negative past experiences that still haunt you and a fear they may re-occur. Perhaps these experiences were many years ago in childhood and long forgotten consciously, or more recent.
What happened to you that caused you pain or anxiety, be that physically, mentally or emotionally, that you consciously or unconsciously may still be afraid of happening today?
What beliefs were formed by these experiences, or what beliefs may have generated these experiences in the first place?
These are just questions to help you pin-point possible fears and roots behind them.
Use your fears to discover hidden thought processes and beliefs, and start transforming THOSE.
When you do, things will unravel in beautiful ways, and you’ll realise more and more that fear is ultimately only as real as you make it.
I’ll be exploring this more in Part 2 of “Befriend & Transcend your Fears!” coming up, with tips and insights on how to transcend your fears.
When you fear something you give it focus and attention and keep it more alive as a possibility. The more you fear something, the more you are telling yourself it is likely to happen. If you repress that fear, it may still surface in your life in some way to be dealt with. See this as a healing opportunity, and a way to change the limiting beliefs or stories that may be behind those fears
Your fears can offer clues and point in directions that enable you to reach greater understanding and self-awareness.
The more positive your beliefs are in general, the more trusting and less fearful you become, and the more confident you are in yourself and the world.
Fears can challenge us to be courageous, step into the unknown, and grow. They can also encourage us to seek healing, love and peace within. Plus as said, they can point to limiting beliefs and assumptions that do not serve us which can be altered.
This is followed by insights and perspectives to help you assuage and transcend those and related fears.
Two Core Human Fears
1. The fear of not being loved, or loveable, (including the fear of not being ‘enough’, for example), and feared consequences around that (rejection, humiliation, abandonment, loss, etc.).
This fear can stem from limiting self-beliefs (“I am bad/I am wrong/I’m not good enough/I’m unloveable/I don’t deserve/Nobody loves me”, etc.).
It may also rise out of limiting beliefs about others and the world (“People are unloving/uncaring/cold/abandoning/cruel”, etc.). At a deeper level, these beliefs can sometimes be a projection of hidden negative self-concepts (“I am unloving/uncaring/cold/abandoning” etc.).
None of these are the truth of who you are, however. Beliefs are just that – beliefs. They are not the truth, merely perceptions and agreements about how things are, formed largely during upbringing and through significant life experiences.
This fear is also be rooted in the myth that we are separate from love/Source.
2. The fear of loss of love.
Loving someone – be that a friend, family member or loved one – can be accompanied with a fear of loss. This may be more prevalent and consciously experienced in some than others, yet can still be there none-the-less, possibly covered over or compensated for in any number of ways.
Rationalising loss from meta-physical and spiritual perspectives – “Loss = attachment”, “We are all one”, “It’s all an illusion”, etc., doesn’t necessarily honour the humanness of the experience of loss itself. Grief is a natural process to be accepted and respected as part of a healing process, particularly with significant or sudden losses through death or separation.
That said, understanding a bigger picture with regard to the nature of reality, why things happen, that you are a co-creator of your reality, the birth phase that proceeds endings, and the everlasting nature of love (and consciousness itself), can all help with this fear, some of which I explore below.
Assuaging The Two Core Fears
1. Assuaging the fear of not being loved or loveable
I have found some psycho-spiritual perspectives can help to transcend the fear of not being loved or loveable.
These perspectives listed below are ones I personally hold, which you may or may not wish to accept, of course. As always, feel free to discard anything that does not resonate or feel true to you.
* You are loved, loving and loveable ever and always.
* You are eternally connected to the heart of creation/Source/the universe/Love/God/the divine, or whatever name you hold for the heart of creation.
* You are loved totally and unconditionally by this Source, more than you may ever know or comprehend. There is nothing you can do to lose that love, and nothing you need do to win it, for you are loved completely.
* However separate you believe yourself to be from love, however far you ever feel you have come from it, in truth, love is always there for you in every moment. Your willingness or capacity to receive it may be marred. You may be numb and blind to it, deny or hide from it, not believe in it, etc., but it is there for you nonetheless. This love exists through and beyond your human experiences in this and other life-times and is inextinguishable.
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi
* You have a Higher Self that loves you unconditionally. Go to this link for my article on the Higher Self (Who you REALLY are!…). This love of self is a boundless fountain within, and transcends any human perceptions, conditioning, or confines about what love is, can or should be, or experiences in this or other life-times.
* Your conscious self also loves to love and would love to love you. Acknowledging this can be the first step on the road to developing a loving relationship with yourself and becoming your own best friend. Begin to love and accept yourself fully, forgiving yourself for that which you dislike about yourself. It is easy to love what is beautiful in you, but it is the ugly parts that need your love the most.
Who you TRULY are is wholly innocent. People behave badly usually because they believe they are bad.
The only thing wrong with you is ever thinking there is something wrong with you!
Owning the inherent innocence, value and worth of your true self can help you reclaim your loveability and the goodness, truth and beauty that you are.
Go to this link for the free “Secrets of Loving Yourself” ebook available at the gifts page of this site.
2. Assuaging the fear of loss
The fear of loss can exist aside love. I’m not intending to belittle loss itself through my sharings below. As mentioned earlier, I believe grieving is to be honoured and respected as part of a healing process.
In many cases, however, both loss, and the fear of loss that I’m addressing here, can be transcended and healed more swiftly through certain perspectives.
Below are some insights that have helped me personally with the fear of loss, and loss itself. Again, these are personal perspectives – only accept that which feels right and true to you.
* Every ending is proceeded by a new beginning. That is the nature of life. Letting go allows the grace of this transition. If you hold on, however, you block receiving what wants to come to you next.
Nature abhors a vacuum; when you let go (which can involve grieving/feeling the feelings), your cup will always be refilled. Knowing this in itself can help lessen your fear of loss in any give situation.
In letting go you can only ever win – if something’s for your best it will come back, if not something better will.”
* If something has ended, be it a job, relationship, situation, etc., there will be a reason why. This reason may be because it is for your own good, whether you realise that at the time or not.
Trust in the flow, it only ever wants the best for you, you know.”
If something ends or is lost, a part of you will have chosen or allowed that at some level. This could be for any number of reasons.
It could be because a part of you has outgrown the situation, or because a part of you is frightened to continue in that direction, or because of limiting beliefs, or because it is simply no longer what you desire at a deeper level, despite your personality self possibly resisting that.
If you lose something through sabotage, or fear that happening, you can forgive yourself for that and let go. Through forgiveness and letting go, you create the space to receive something new, at a higher level even, be that the same situation reborn, or an entirely new one.
* View loss (and I appreciate this is easier to fathom with more transient losses than deeper profound ones), as a flag heralding the coming something NEW.
At the end of any road, awaits a new one to unfold.”
* You are the creator of your reality – you can create and manifest new opportunities, successes, situations, and people into your life at any time. Choice, willingness, desire, belief, action, positive expectation, and opening to receive, etc., are all manifesting allies.
Owning your power as a creator, and that reality is sourced from the inside out, helps you transcend many fears of loss.
Not only do you create the way you look at things, you create the things you look at!” ~Lazaris
* Love (as addressed in assuaging the 1st fear above) can lessen the fear of loss.
A connection to and awareness of the eternal love of your Higher Self (the aspect of your consciousness closest to Source), and the Creator, can help quell this fear.
This love is unconditional and unending. It will never die and lies at the heart of your being.
There is no shortage of love – there is a boundless immeasurable love available to you more incredible than anything you can imagine. The shortage lies only in your belief and awareness of it, and your openness, willingness and capacity to receive it.
* Understanding the inherent abundant nature of the reality and your mind, frees you from the fear of loss that stems from scarcity thinking. There is no finite supply in the universe.
Everything is energy and energy is limitless; scarcity is an illusion.” ~ Aine Belton
You manifest form from the infinite supply of universal energy through your mind (beliefs, thoughts and feelings, choices and decisions, and so on). Awakening to the abundant nature of reality can dissipate fears of loss.
* You are not your body or mind, and exist as consciousness beyond this physical reality and your body-form and personality self. You are a spiritual being having a human experience. When someone dies, you have lost them in one form, but their being (their consciousness), continues.
* Trust can help to lessen the fear of loss. Furthermore, when you trust, let go and open to receive, a next step presents itself.
Trust in yourself, (or become trustworthy of yourself if you don’t), and trust in the universe that is ever on your side and wishes only the very best for you ever and always. Trust in the eternal nature of love, and that love is always there for you in every moment.
I cover more on trust in #5 of my post on Real versus Fake Confidence, Part 3
* Opportunity never stops knocking. If you manifest a situation in your life, you can manifest that again, at a greater level even.
* Change is inevitable. Love, success, people, etc., will continue to show themselves in your life, sometimes in new faces and forms, or new energies within the same faces and forms. As you change, so does your reality.
What is perceived or feared as loss can be a part of positive change and movement in your life, and can bring with it a gift. Trusting in life’s changes and the ‘turning of the wheel’ can help lessen fears of loss.
Love and joy,
Aine Belton
