19th June 2012 – Neytiri – Give me an extra half hour. So 1 my time.
20th June 2012 – Jake – How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard..Ish’llah
REFLECTION FOR TODAY: While I was working on a jigsaw puzzle, I became aware of how much my life has been like this puzzle. Some pieces of my life fit into other pieces with ease, while some do not mesh at all. On reflection, I realize that when I surrender problems to my Higher Power, those pieces of my life go together easily. When I take over the controls, no matter how I push and tug, none of the pieces fit. When my negative emotions take over, the colours of the puzzle and the colours of my life do not blend. The puzzle could never be finished if I continued in that manner. When I relax and work with my brain instead of hostile feelings, the pieces seem to go together of their own volition – just like the parts of my life.
When I struggle and flounder, help me to remember how jigsaw puzzles get out together.
To solve a puzzle of life, turn it over and relax!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night was one of those night where I did not feel nourished at all. Neytiri’s conflicts arose with a vengeance. It is probably expected, as we get to the business end of the relationship.
Last week she had asked Tsu’tey if he ever thought there was a different path for him. She said he did not seem to understand. Subsequently, he told her he did understand but did not want to discuss it. He then mentioned that faithful night in October 1988 and asked her “Do you remember what you told me that night?” She said “No.” You said “You wished you could have spent the night with both of us!” Neytiri said “I had a lot to drink.” Apparently it was meant in a non-sexual context.
He then told her he wished they could be together in the next life, as well. He would make it much better! Pretty deep shit. I think Tsu’tey has had his own “Crying Game” moment!
At the other end, Neytiri is going through her own spectrum of zones, awakened zone, love zone, dead zone and so on. She would rather get laid than pray.
On the weekend I had an amazing enlightenment on the reason for Neytiri’s behaviour that night in October 1988. We had agreed in a past life to meet in this life. Now because I “arrived” before her, it was up to her to plot her journey so our paths cross.
That night her soul (because she was unconscious) revealed itself to Tsu’tey and myself. 2 seeds were planted that night. One for Tsu’tey and one for me. When the time was ripe the seeds would bloom.
I have always known that Tsu’tey’s known something deep happened that night and he resisted it for 23 odd years. As we know what you resist, persists. Neytiri’s binge exposed his seed and he stopped resisting at the time. Now there is probably regret.
The rest, as they say, is history. It is our destiny.
The 19th of the month has had significance for me on numerous ocassions. So was this black spot a major fork in the road, a death zone or a minor bump?
So I went to bed after our chat and was fine until about 3:00am when I ejected a bucket load of mucus. It was a physical, as well as, emotional cleansing moment. For a fleeting moment I felt I was a pawn in their malicious game, the gate crasher. But then after that I had clarity.
Tsu’tey is thinking about the future in his next life. Neytiri tells me she is manifesting her next life! And me, well in 6 weeks all this will be history and life will never be the same. There is only now. Everything that ever happened or will happen is happening now!
So at 4:00am I realised that nights when I do not feel nourished are cleansing moments. I had a few blockages removed over the weekend. Old tapes reappeared to be cleansed. I also watch the movie “Shame”.
The title grabbed my attention as I spent most of my life living in shame. The movie was difficult to understand and I had to read the cover to grasp the intent. That’s when I was struck by the similarities for us.
The main character engaged (an addiction) in promiscuous, loveless sexual activities (something I had done in the past) as well as a closer than normal relation with his sister. Sublime.
Neytiri had some issues with a her folks and judged them for been unconscious. I was reminded of Dyer “I am aware that I do not need to dominate anyone in order to be SPIRITUALLY AWAKE.”
No comments:
Post a Comment