Is it the Hardest Thing to Say...?

Reflection for Today: Comparing myself to others continues to be a well-established habit which does not diminish easily. I repeatedly fall into comparing my inside to the outside of others.  I see the self-assurance others exhibit as a sign of their independence, self-reliance and success, and as an indication they have no problems; therefore I am unlike them. My self-pity and low self-esteem grow to gigantic extremes. I become silent and withdrawn or sarcastic and verbally abusive. In fighting back, I hurt others because I hurt. I do not look further. If I did, I would discover they, too, have equal amount of problems with which they must cope, but they choose not to let their problems overwhelm them.

I am only hurting myself when I compare myself to others.

I asked Neytiri to choose a number between 1 and 7 as suggested in a previous blog. When I did the exercise I chose “5”.  Guess what number she chose without any hesitation; “5”!  Our high correlation with oneness never ceases to amaze me.

There is a saying, I think, that states saying “I love you”, is the hardest thing to say. I told Neytiri this and she asked why, she does not have a problem saying it. 

How many people understand what it really means to tell someone “I love you”. I think most people say: “I love you (conditionally)”, i.e. it is not a perfect love.  How can it be, especially at the emotional level?  Most people say it because iot is the “right” to do or say in a relation.

A lot of people hesitate to say it in case it is not reciprocated or replied.  Now they are left to hang; feeling rejected.  How can love be one-sided? Why shouldn’t it be one-sided, I say? In fact, all the literature indicates we should love everyone because we are all part of the same whole.

Thinking back, the first person who really loved me unconditionally was Neytiri, back in October 1988! At that time I did not understand the concept of love, so to me it may have been a foreign language.  But this episode planted the seed of love. I always had a soft spot for her thereafter and this 1% seed has now manifested itself into a 200% tree of love!

Thinking back to a year ago, I wanted so much to tell her I loved her but just could not bring myself to tell her so.  My feelings did not make sense to me at the time. However, as our complex relationship developed and grew, it became easier and easier and had more meaning and intensity to it.

Until about 6-7 months ago Neytiri also struggled with her feelings. So much so that she told me she had made a conscious decision not to tell me she loved me!

Whilst our minds were entwined in silence and the Force was very strong, I mentally told her: "I Love You" and I felt an unprecedented surge in the Force.  I told her it feels like my head is about to explode!

So is it the hardest thing to say?

Neytiri told me I am like a god for her!  Dyer reminds us that no one is special or not special.  God does not favour one over another.  We are all equals and are exactly where we are supposed to be.  Anyway, my ego was stroked by her comment!  She told me not to get big-headed about it. I told her I’ll get a MT to match!

It's gonna be a long, long, week!