The INNER Child

27^th March 2012 – Neytiri – Clocks have moved forward an hour. Are you gonna Skype me? If so what time.

27^th March 2012 – Jake – Better for me; same for u. 12 noon ok?

27^th March 2012 – Neytiri – Ok.

After our last chat when I was kicked in the butt, for some reason I felt empty the next couple of days.  I mean I am at peace we our relation and have set her free before, so why the feeling.  After thinking about it for a while I realised I was attached to the title of this blog!

So many people and books have been responsible for my spiritual awakening and growth but the main person has been Neytiri.  At some level I must be thinking without her it is all meaningless.  But I now realise it does not matter one iota. We are always together in spirit and that’s what matters; nothing else. So feel at peace once again...ish’llah.

It took a lot of courage for Neytiri to tell me about her past and she judged herself harshly (as is expected) and thought she is will not be lovable (by me) anymore after this.  The bigger issue is she does not love herself. She does not believe she is lovable so how can anyone else love her.  This is the co-dependent spiral. The wounded, vulnerable child.  So what is the inner child?

What is our inner-child and why is understanding and healing our inner-child so important?

The primitive ego of our inner-child is the unconscious psyche of childhood stuck or frozen by shame from the trauma and wounds of childhood. Psychologists call this unconscious psyche our shadow; the unconscious primitive ego of our wounded inner-child. The wounds caused by unmet developmental needs in childhood are the cause of virtually all of the unhappiness, conflict and violence we see in the world today. 

When our basic developmental needs such as unconditional love…compassion…empathy… listening… acceptance…validation…affirmation and approval are not met in early childhood, our primitive ego begins to assume there is something basically wrong with us. We personalize the hurt and feel ashamed that we are not good enough to be loved. We then hide the shame in our unconscious along with our true self and go to work creating a false self…a mask we wear that represents the “self” we think we “should” be. Cut off from our true self, the primitive ego of our wounded inner-child experiences sadness, isolation and loneliness.

We may have created a “nice person” false self (mask) to hide the childhood feelings buried in our unconscious (our shadow material) but there is an important truth that we cannot ignore—we create in the outer world what we are unconsciously feeling in the inner world. We unconsciously externalize the shame we feel inside.

We have to stop living the lie and ask:

Who am I?

What do I want?

She asked me, what do I want? I told her I want to find my authentic self with her by my side, with me and in me, as one! As it is meant to be.

So Neytiri has a lot of soul searching to do in our “time out” period.  However, being the person she is she has already decided to put others first at this important juncture. Such is life!

28^th March 2012 – Jake – For you see, each day I love you more.
Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow...Ish’llah

NB : Unlikely to be a new post for a couple of weeks.