Brita is a human resources professional and artist who lives in Lebanon, Connecticut, with her family. This is her story about how she is raising her daughter using Eckhart’s teachings, in her own words.
I was not raised with any spiritual teaching, so “spirituality” was something I alternately disregarded, and was afraid of. At times I viewed spiritual people as superstitious and deluded. At other times I was curious and wondered what I was missing. At a certain point in my life I realized I was suffering greatly and also had tremendous fear of the unknown. That began my quest to understand just what “spiritual” meant for myself. The reason I started on this path is that my local librarian noticed the types of books that I was checking out and recommended Eckhart Tolle to me as a great teacher. I am thankful to this librarian.
I have begun to notice my 9 year old daughter’s “pain body” in times of stress. During these times she will say negative things and nothing I say seems to help her feel better as it is happening. It is hard to witness this because I remember the sensation of unbearable negativity myself, from an early age, and no one either noticed or knew how to help me at that time. During these times with my daughter I try to remember Eckhart’s suggestion to simply remain present when close to someone who is consumed by negativity. This has been a great practice for me, not only with my daughter, when I remember it.
Hearing Eckhart’s teachings on addressing presence and pain body in children has also been extremely helpful. His suggestion to speak to a child about that feeling, to give it a name, and describe what it would look like, was a very powerful tool to help me begin to guide my daughter in understanding what the “pain body” is.
One evening my daughter became upset about a mistake she had made. She was crying and saying that she always made mistakes, and that this one world never be fixed, it would always be wrong. The next day I was able to bring up this event when she was in a better frame of mind. I told her that I had been reading about ways to feel better when we are upset. I asked her if she remembered feeling very angry and upset the night before, and how she felt that “everything was wrong”. I told her that I felt that way sometimes too, and that it is very hard to know what to do because we feel that we have no control over the situation, or how we feel. I suggested that negative feelings like to take us over and asked her if she could imagine what this bad feeling would look like. She thought about it for a while. I asked her if she could imagine what color it was. She said that it was like a red hairy creature that had fangs and two horns like a devil. I said yes, and it is as if it is happy when you feel bad, it’s like it just wants you to continue to feel bad because that feeds it. She listened, thinking about it, and then she said that there was also a white figure like an angel or a fairy on the other side of her. I wasn’t sure where she might be getting these images except from common, traditional icons of good and evil. I thought about how these images confuse us, suggesting good and evil are also outside of us, separate from us. So I said, yes, but that good angel is who you truly are, it is what is inside your heart, it is the truth. She looked at me with such relief, that I was telling her this, that this beautiful image she imagined was really herself.
Moments like these with my daughter help me to see how I might be able to teach my daughter something that will help her navigate life. I am thankful to be able to be able to connect with her on a deeper level. I have also learned that, through simply being present when I am able, I won’t be drawn into the energy of my daughter’s pain-body. Then I am more able to help lessen, or at least not increase, her suffering. That is the ultimate purpose for me in practicing presence.
Brita would greatly appreciate hearing from other parents about their teaching stories for children, and how they incorporate Eckhart’s teachings into their daily lives.
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