When we have been abused by a
narcissistic / sociopath we absolutely know what it is like to feel stripped
bare and powerless.
Really, it would be fair to say,
having experienced this level of abuse takes us into the darkest deepest depths
of powerlessness.
Recovery, at first, is about healing
and breaking free from the feelings of extreme anxiety and depression – which
are in effect symptoms of extreme powerlessness.
Additionally, there are also often
feelings of being trapped and having no way out. At first this is the feeling
within the relationship, and then these feelings commonly continue even after
the relationship has ended.
During our times of extreme
powerlessness, we often aren’t confronted with digging deep enough to really
understand the beliefs that have made us ‘small’ and tending towards
powerlessness.
Like many people, I used to struggle
with the words ‘Personal Power’. Firstly, being a woman didn’t help. The
concept of ‘personal power’ seemed somehow wrong. It felt too masculine,
and certainly not feminine or submissive enough.
Like many of us (men as well as
women), I had been more used to giving my power away to try to keep the
peace and be safe – and of course to try to source love. This was extremely
unsuccessful.
I know for many of us, all sorts of
feelings and belief systems can make us cringe away from claiming and being in
our own True Power.
Yet, being radiant, alive, healthy
and in love with Life, self and others – the claiming and being in our
personal power – is the TOTAL goal.
Let’s investigate the beliefs that
have limited us for from claiming our True Power, and why they have been so
damaging.
The
7 Common Beliefs That Keep Us Powerless
These following beliefs are ones
which have commonly been passed on by societal programming, and
generational family modelling.
#1 Who Do You Think You Are?
When we think of ‘personal power’,
we may believe it is egotistical, arrogant or even selfish to have the right to
walk our own path of truth, or to have preferences about our own life.
Naturally, believing it is not okay
to stand up and be in our own personal power means that we are susceptible to
other people’s preferences and choices – even if they are not in alignment with
our own values and truth.
If we don’t believe it is healthy to
be in our own personal power, we can easily be made to feel guilty, and be
manipulated and mined by others.
#2 People In Their Personal Power
Are Targeted By Others
There is a common belief of: “If I
shine then people will target me to take my light, or rip me down.” This
painful, fearful belief causes us to defend and shut down. It stops us showing
up in life.
Generally, this means we are not only fearful of showing up,
but we are scared of speaking up and laying healthy boundaries when
needed.
The danger with this faulty belief
is when we are shrinking, hiding and defending we tend to attract everything
that we are trying to guard ourselves against. Which of course simply confirms
our beliefs that we need to hide away to avoid being exploited and targeted.
#3 My Ego Won’t Accept Self-worth
This belief is a blight on
humankind. At surface level it may seem that people with large egos love
themselves excessively and have too much self-worth. The very opposite is true.
Egos are the malfunction of low self-worth and maladaptive compensating through
the construction and feeding of a False Self.
Humankind for centuries have been programmed
to believe they are unworthy, defective and emotionally and morally inept,
which has caused us to think we are never enough and our worth is ‘what we
have’ or ‘how others approve of us’ instead of ‘who we are’.
Our personalities
do not want to believe we are worthy simply because we exist. This causes us to
try to seek personal power from outside of ourselves, rather than being the
generator of it from within.
#4 Life Is Never Going To Work Out
For Me
It is common for people struggling
with emotional survival to feel like they are treading water and getting
nowhere. When we are stuck in trying to survive our emotional wounds, the pain
feels like a continual cycle of more of the same.
It isn’t until we can free ourselves
of our emotional wounding, and until we have released the continual torment of
our minds, that we can open up our hearts and dream of a new and better future.
If we do not feel our deservedness, we can’t be in our personal power in order
to create it. Manifestation comes from the expansive space and power of our
heart, not our limited story- ridden mind.
#5 I’m Not Good Enough To Make My
Life Happen
When we are not in our personal
power we feel small, incapable and dependent. This limits us from expanding,
learning, growing and expressing who we are. Rather than align with people and
situations that will empower us, we tend to gravitate towards people and
situations that we wish to gain power from, yet who disempower us further.
Naturally, these extensions are reflecting back to us how we really feel about
ourselves and our life.
It is essential to know that when we
have claimed our personal power, we will attract situations and people who add
to our expansion and life experience rather than detract from it.
#6 My Worth Relies On Self-Sacrifice
Much of our modelling has to do with
learning to go without so that others can benefit, and believing it is
righteous and we will be rewarded for doing so.
Many people know about the analogy
regarding aeroplanes. There is a very good reason why we are instructed in the
state of emergency to put our own oxygen mask on first before assisting others.
Martyrdom is the handing of power
over, and often it is a covert way to control and try to secure approval, love
and security. The deeper truth, which many martyrs find devastatingly
disappointing is: people can only love, respect and treat us identically to how
we have embodied these qualities within ourselves.
The irony is: the more ‘full’ we are
of healthy self-worth and self-care, the more we have to genuinely give to
others without agenda.
#7 My Worth Depends On More Doing
Instead Of Being
Often we frenetically believe we
need to ‘do more’ in order to feel worthy, and even survive. As we evolve we
start to realise that no amount of ‘doingness’ can make up for a lack of
‘beingness’. If we haven’t been able to find our true personal power – which
means moving out of emotional survival fears into inspired creation, we find
that things just don’t work out. We only tend to create more
powerlessness and fear no matter how frantically we strive to improve our
lives.
When we make the transition into
working on and claiming our personal power, by stark contrast, we start to
attract the mechanics of life which support our improved self-worth. Then we
are operating from an emotional resonance of inspiration and modelling Creation
itself, because we have freed up our emotional energy that was previously tied
up in the fear and pain of emotional survival.
Why
We Need To Claim Our Personal Power
Many of us have had literal terror
of claiming and stepping into our True Power. Our programmed beliefs are not
only responsible for why we have handed our power over and been abused,
but also why we have struggled to claim ourselves afterwards.
The truth is, if we are not in our
power, we hand it over trying to gain it from outside of ourselves. This has
caused us to match up with people who are also not in their personal power. Narcissists
are not powerful – they are powerless and acting out as a pathological symptom
of feeling so powerless.
The illusion is that the narcissist
is powerful. Nothing could be further from the truth. When we are not in our
own power, we believe that false power / fear is real, and we feed the illusion
with our own fear and pain (powerlessness).
When we take back our power, and
create it genuinely, the illusion no longer exists.
Our journey of personal growth is to
shift ourselves out of fearful egoic mind survival into inspired heartfelt
creation. That is the only way we will be free to be in our True Power.
When we are in our True Power, we
co-promote and generate healthy life-force and love with life and others. We
express our true beingness, and we pursue lifestyles and vocations that are the
calling of our hearts.
We expand into and add to life,
instead of trying to ‘get’, and as a result ourselves and life benefit in
win-win ways.
When we are freed from the
constructions of our ego, there is no longer the need to earn approval or
security by being who we are not, and we no longer suffer damage and sell our
souls out in order to try to survive.
The truth is, most individual’s
personal catharsis into claiming and developing their personal power begins
through an experience of intense powerlessness.
That is exactly the edge of personal
development that narcissistic / sociopathic abuse brought to our attention.
A place where we needed to question all of the beliefs that we had previously
modelled our life on – the generational beliefs that caused us to be
disconnected from our True Power.
How many of us were living reduced
versions of ourselves even prior to being abused? How many of us believed that
our security, inspirations and creations needed to be granted to us from ‘the
outside’, rather than claiming our birthright to be internal generators
and Creators in our own right?
How many of us thought that being
‘small’ meant we would be safe and would be looked after?
The
Shifting Of Powerless Beliefs Into Personal Power
In order to change our emotions and
behaviours we need to shift our internal beliefs.
By doing so, our new more empowered
healthier state of being will simply be an expression of who we have now
become.
To recap, the following are beliefs
you may want to release all resistance on, in order to claim your True Power:
#1 Who Do You Think You Are?
True Power Goal: “I align with and
claim my personal power. This is my divine right and is fully supported and
adored by all of existence.”
#2 People In Their Personal Power
Are Targeted By Others
True Power Goal: “By showing up as
my glowing True Self, I speak up, I embody and expand love, integrity and truth
and my bright light dissolves all darkness.”
#3 My Ego Won’t Accept Self-worth
True Power Goal: “It is the ultimate
truth of love, humility and humanity to accept myself unconditionally as the
divine part of God / Source / Life that I am.”
#4 Life Is Never Going To Work Out
For Me
True Power Goal: “My heart is free
and expanded. I have the space within to deliciously dream and generate
unlimited joy and miracles.”
#5 I’m Not Good Enough To Make My
Life Happen
True Power Goal: “As a divine
expression of God / Source / Life I am enough. I am infinitely connected in
unlimited ways to all of the expansion and resources of Life.”
#6 My Worth Relies On Self-Sacrifice
True Power Goal: “I claim the
divinity and full permission to fill myself up first. By doing so I have an
abundance to grant Life and others healthily.”
#7 My Worth Depends On More Doing
Instead Of Being
True Power Goal: “I connect to the
power inside me. By making my changes within, I unfold myself into Life in
spectacular and inspired ways.”
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