18th April 2012 – Neytiri – Skype me tomorrow.
18th April 2012 – Jake – Give me 10 good reasons why I should do so:)
18th April 2012 – Neytiri – No. Need to get to the gym. I told you to text me when you get back and you're ready to Skype me. Why didn't you?
19th April 2012 – Jake – Where’s my angry babe?
19th April 2012 – Neytiri – I thought by asking for 10 good reasons you meant no. Give me 5 min
Prior to my departure I told Neytiri I’ll talk to her on the 19th, but obviously she wasn’t listening. Incidentally the recent daily Kabbalah was all about listening! Also I was not sure what to expect after our last chat. What was her emotional and mental state? What had she been reflecting on? What had she discovered? Etc, etc.
So anyway after the initial confusion/misunderstanding we finally had our chat. The 19th of any month is a special day for me so we just had to link up. She could not come up with 10 reasons; only 1 – that she loves me. So I told her to tell my she loves me 10 times!.
Normally after talking to her, I have no problem updating this blog. The words just flow. I have clarity. Today I’m stuck! I’ve got nothing but feel I need to keep the momentum flowing.
She told me she struggled these past weeks and Tsu’tey has also noticed it. Initially she said she had not done much. She has done a lot of reading, especially the blog, she bought the Big Book (finally) and she bought the dvd of Avatar! So all in all she had made progress and is on the right path.
Once we complete the steps and live the program our Higher Power takes over and minute-by-minute; day-by-day progress will be made; some obvious, some not so.
Discover -> Reflect -> Recover -> Reflect -> Discover
Sometimes it is not comfortable but it is in these moments we make the most progress. Discontent and disgust is good.
She said she was triggered. This, in itself is not a bad thing as long as one is aware. Awareness is more important. I told her I was also triggered which surprised her; she thinks I’m a saint! I told her I prayed and got an answer the next morning.
Talking about saints, I have the Practising the Power of Now cd and listen to it in the car. A few things appealed to me, namely:
1. An enlightened person is not a superior person but rather a person in their natural state, i.e.it is the natural state for each and every one of us to be enlightened, we just can’t see it.
2. Die to the past every moment – I realised this blog helps me do this to an extent. I write down my thoughts, which relate to the past, and then don’t think about it again, as much.
3. If one is looking to the future for fulfilment then one is not present – this is one issue I am facing.
Neytiri tells me she is afraid of our relation. She is not comfortable with the fact that I am always on her mind. No one has made her feel this way before. I ask her if she is afraid the dream may become reality. She said “Yes”. (Fear stands for Future Expectations Appearing Real.)
I also always think about what we gonna be and how will this end or start. My heart and soul know the truth but my mind (ego) is fighting it. So we are both living in the future. I am reminded of Celine’s song; sometimes we're afraid but we both should learn the power of love. We should both let go and Let God.
I told her not to be afraid of her feelings and to express them fully and confidently. Always trust the heart over the mind.
The good thing is the Force is strong and I feel intense peace and prasanta! Also, I am not feeling her conflict anymore.
I told her, she is also always in my thoughts and I spend my days having internal dialogue with her. Interestingly God answers my questions during the dialogue and I get clarity.
A case in point, I got clarity on what the issue is with mum; she does not know what love is nor what gratitude is! Not surprisingly, I was in the same situation a year ago! Hence it is no surprise none of her children want to be near her.
This is not a good, bad or sad situation; it just is. We do not know what her soul’s purpose is. She would have to find her own path to enlightenment, which may involve more life cycles. You may ask, why don’t I enlighten her? The answer is I have not got a sign that I am the messenger. In fact I see co-dependency all around me and what really irks me is the media don’t label it as such or it is classed as a mental illness. Most "victims" blame their parents or primary caregivers. The sad truth is we are all insane and need to be cured of our insanity!
Each and every one of us is exactly where we should be in this moment. We are all just form but our souls are formless and that’s where we can love each other perfectly and where we can experience perfect love and oneness.
Exactly 3 months to my birthday (born-again) and less than 3 for the 3rd coming!
88 days to go!
20th April 2012 – Jake – I may not get to see you as often as I like, I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart, I truly know, you're the one that I love and I can’t let you go..Ish’llah.
Her homework : she needs to tell me who was present that night at the concert; was it the vulnerable child, the intoxicated 22 year old or her soul? When she finds the answer she will realise there is nothing to fear!
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