What you Resist Persists!

27^th February 2012 – Neytiri – Been thinking of you the whole weekend. Just frustrated, wish i could just have a tiny bit of it with you.

27^th February 2012 – Neytiri – Just a bit irritable today. But i'm just smiling right now cause i know exactly what you'd say.

27^th February 2012 – Jake – If I can just make everything fall where it should be, I would. If I could make life better for you, I would. But I can’t. All I can do is to let you know that mine has been better because of you.

The FORCE is strong...Ish'llah

27^th February 2012 – Jake – Why do I text you? It’s my choice. It’s my way of saying I'm thinking of you. Why do I think of you? It’s my choice. It proves that I care. Why do I care? I don’t know. It’s not my choice but my heart’s...Ish'llah

This week’s Staying Present tip from Eckhart Tolle was “What you resist persists!” Later on that night I am doing some reading from the Conversations with God and what’s one of the first things I read: “WHAT YOU RESIST PERSISTS!” Wow.

There is obviously a strong message in there for me.  I have not totally surrendered. Maybe in my relation with Moat or in my career or in my diet.  Somewhere I am still resisting.  I need to let go and let God.  I pray for help in resolving this issue or shortcoming.

Neytiri is having a similar issue with resistance and it is now apparent to me that her conflict about our relation is worse than I had previously thought.  Just like a cancer patient (& I should know because it already feels like I live with one) just when you think they are in remission, they have a relapse.

She asked me why I shared my life story and recovery with her; why I care about her; why I connect to her; why she has deep feelings for me, etc etc etc.  I’m thinking “Duh!”, you still don’t get it.  At some level she thinks this whole thing is of her doing. Well I have news for you, my dear, read on.

I am reminded of the chapter in the Big Book that states (pages 60-62):

Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in her own way. If her arrangements would only stay put , if only people would do as she wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including herself, would be pleased……………………….

This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God………….., God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents.

She tells me she likes to be in control; likes to be on top!  Well until she let’s go; until she surrenders; until she stops resisting and just accepting what is, the conflict will remain.  That’s a shame. Maybe it's time for a time out? She needs to ask herself "Who am I and what do I want?"

I set a challenge for her.  I told her once she surrenders and fully accepts what is, someone will come in her life and she will be compelled to share with them our relation and / or this blog…Isha’llah.

She also asks me whether her conflict affects me.  It did in the past but I think I’m over it now. None of what we have is our doing.

On a lighter note, she tells me she watched Blood Diamonds, yet again. She really likes the movie, the scenery and now that her awareness is greater she got sublime messages from it. TIA! It’s in her blood, literally.

This should help her deal with her conflict...

28^th February 2012 – Jake – I know your life can go on without me, that you can be happy without me, that you can survive without me. But even if you turn me away, I will remain in you and be your sweetest stranger forever…Ish’llah