17th May 2011 – Jake – Hey..I shared my secret life (defects) with another human. I was fearless. It was spiritually uplifting! I’ll call u from out-of-town..pash x
19th May 2011 – I called Neytiri and the first thing she said is she was envious that I had confessed my “sins” to another human and she wished she had the courage do the same. I was a bit perplexed by her comment as I thought how bad could her sins be compared to mine.
Looking back this was the start of the intense feelings I began having for her. Initially she was always on my mind, without much emotional / spiritual attachment, just a constant presence.
22nd May 2011 – Neytiri – You’ll never guess what I’m making for breakfast.
22nd May 2011 – Jake – Something orgasmic? I really enjoyed our chat. Ish’llah!
22nd May 2011 – Neytiri – Pies. You threw that in the universe the other day.
22nd May 2011 – Jake – Yeah..but did u use honey, sea salt & evoo?
29th May 2011 – Neytiri – Check this track in Monaco. It’s stunning.
29th May 2011 – Jake – It’s not the only thing that’s stunning!
30th May 2011 – Jake - …but not as stunning as Barca! Trust u came down from your premature high..
30th May 2011 – Neytiri – Ok I agree they are the better team. But you’re right casino and hunks really stunning.
6th June 2011 – Neytiri – Are you sleeping?
6th June 2011 – Jake – Yeah..I was thinkin about u, thinkin about me, thinkin about us, what we gonna be? Open my eyes; it was only just a dream!
One thing I had noticed was that she was always on my mind 24/7 and I could not get her out. I remember thinking that this is crazy. She got her life and I got my life and there is no “us” and probably never will be. Also, it was probably not good for my recovery.
14th June 2011 – Jake – R u alive?
I had not heard from Neytiri so I called her on her mobile. No answer; so I left a message (16th June 2011).
16th June 2011 – Neytiri – Sorry. Was just lost for words. Still am.
16th June 2011 – Jake – Why? What happened?
16th June 2011 – Neytiri – Read your not last message, but the one before.
16th June 2011 – Jake – Phew..for a moment I thought u were ignoring me & was feeling down. Call me when u r ready or send txt. I’m away next week. U remain in my thoughts..ish’llah!
20th June 2011 – Neytiri – Hope you had a fantastic fathers day. Was thinking of you the whole day just couldn’t text. Just stuff happening, my mum’s being a real bitch to my dad. So cooked for him and family. Will text and call you sometime soon. Love you.
20th June 2011 – Jake – I felt yur thoughts, albeit not Fathers Day here. Here it is normally 9 mths after Mothers Day! It appears luv tiffs carry on well in2 old age! Hang in there:XOX
22nd June 2011 – Jake – Happy Summer Solstice..A life without love is like a year without summer. There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart..XOXOX
22nd June 2011 – Neytiri – Feel better now. Sitting in the car in the sun. I’m grateful you’re here.
28th June 2011 – Neytiri – Are you sleeping?
28th June 2011 – Jake – No
28th June 2011 – Neytiri – Can I call you at home.
28th June 2011 – Neytiri – Sorry will call you back another time. Will let you sleep.
29th June 2011 – Jake – No worries. I still need to flick your bean!
30th June 2011 – Jake – When r we doin part 2?
30th June 2011(Skype) – Neytiri - will try doing part 2 tomorrow. part 1 was just getting interesting.
1st July 2011 – Neytiri – Are you busy.
1st July 2011 – Jake – No. I quiver in anticipation!
2nd July 2011 – Jake – It was really good to hear your voice, it sounds so sweet. Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words, it makes me weak ;)
4th July 2011 – Jake – Not that we care, but Happy Independence Day! Luv can sometimes b magic. But magic can sometimes…just b an illusion.
I was attempting to foreshadow to her that the relationship may come to an end, with my comment above. Also we had not spoken for about 2 weeks now.
13th July 2011 – Jake – The silence is deafening! Don’t mind me; I’m out-of-town & hav nothing better 2 do than annoy u! Off 2 hot spa now. U r always on my mind.
15th July 2011 – Neytiri – Just got caught up in daily stuff. Too much happening. Anyway how was the hot spa? Are you like on a permanent holiday or what?
15th July 2011 – Neytiri – Sorry I’m a tiny bit envious of your life.
By this stage Neytiri was in my head and life 24/7 and I could not remember what life was without her in my head. As previously advised, I could not fathom an “us” and hence came to the conclusion that I had to end the relationship, whatever it was. So I text her, the below to advise her of my decision.
15th July 2011 – Jake – My life is beautiful 1 day & perfect the next!..if only,ish’llah. U r welcome to join me anytime. Will u b home later. I need to get something off my chest (& it’s not your tits)
15th July 2011 – Neytiri – At home for another couple of hours.
I did not have the courage to talk to her and so chickened out with below. However, I tried to give her a hint by stating it will be the last.
16th July 2011 – Jake – Sorry 2 keep u hangin. I’ve been meditating. 2 L8 2 talk now; need my beauty sleep! So here’s a long (last) ppaaaasssshhhh for the weekend! K.A.N.K.
Come Monday, I stalled again and could not bring myself to tell her.
18th July 2011 – Jake – Sorry, meant to call today but just got home from a meeting. Will call tomorrow.
Finally on Tuesday I built up the courage and called. After some small talk she asked me what I had on my chest.
I was not articulate and mumbled stuff about being confused, etc until I said: “I have a confession to make. You are always on my mind and I just can’t stop thinking about you.” To which she replied “Yeah, I feel the same.”
Not the answer I wanted to hear. She then went on to say “Do you remember the concert we went to?” I said “How can I forget? You were quite audacious!” She said “I can’t remember much but I felt very close to you”
I said “You had your tongue in my ear!” She said “I remember you were feeling my breasts!” I said “Bugger! I can’t remember that!”
Anyway I related to her how it all started in the middle of the field and then what happened later on that night. I asked her if any words were exchanged with Tsu’tey the next day and she said nothing was said.
This was the first time since the event I had spoken to anyone about what happened that night. So we discussed that night for a while and then she said: “I also have a confession to make. I don’t know whether I should tell you because it may change your opinion of me.” I told her : “Come on; it’s me you talking to me. How bad can it be?”
I intuitively knew what she was about to confess and said “Did you ….?” She was silent and said “Well, my silence confirms it.”
She then went on to tell me what happened. In that moment I felt a very deep and intense LOVE. She was crying and said she was shaking but glad she had the courage to tell another human.
Then, as happens in the movies, right at this most poignant point her phone rings and she has to go pick up her daughter and so the conversation ends.
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