19th January 2011 – Neytiri – Hi Just thinking of you. Missed the gym today. My ass is sore from working out hard the other day. So just at home looking at 4 walls. See you.
At first, I thought it was a message to the wrong number. She did not have my mobile number (or so I thought) and neither did I have hers. No one sends me a “just thinking of you..” txt! And the number was not familiar. It took me a few minutes to figure out who had sent the txt.
My reply – What a surprise to hear from u! Thought u were jerking me around. Always thinking of u..Xoxox
I spoke to her on my next out-of-town trip and was watching the cricket and tennis on TV.
27th January 2011 – Neytiri – Shame about the cricket. Hope you enjoyed the tennis better.
27th January 2011 – Neytiri – I was more disappointed I didn’t get a goodnite pash!
29th January 2011 – Neytiri – Car came back all fixed up. Start gym on Monday, feel better. Start everything again, from the beginning. Goodnight pash.
3rd February 2011 – I finally got to attend a CoDA meeting. The website stated the meetings start at 6pm. Traffic was heavy and at 6:15pm I still had a way to go and was tempted to turn back, not wanting to attend my 1st meeting late. However, for some reason I persevered and arrived at my destination at 6:20pm, just as they were about to commence the meeting.
As I walked in the first thing I noticed that there was only 1 other male and the rest were all females, probably about 10-11. I thought this can’t be good; I mean Men are from Mars & Women from Venus. How can we have similar issues? Anyway, I sat through the meeting. Unfortunately, I had to leave early and hence could not stay until the end. I was unable to get any literature, etc. I have since learned that male/female issues are not all that different, after all we are all human and suffer the same shortcomings.
25th February 2011 – Neytiri – Just saying hi before I start the washing.
25th February 2011 – Jake – I missed u. Trust the washing is not the only thing that’s wet!! Just got back from folk dancing; more fun than garbas. Call me if u can.
25th February 2011 – Neytiri – Whats your landline number
25th February 2011 – Jake – Next time don’t leave me half done & without a g’nite pash! I’ll forgive u this time.
It was probably another 2-3 weeks before I could attend a CoDA meeting. This time I got there on time and stayed until the end. I was referred to one of the senior members of the fellowship who recommended some literature to get a start on and then suggested I call her on the weekend to discuss any other questions I may have.
I called N at the weekend and she recommended a therapist I could use. I asked her about a sponsor and she said it was very difficult to get male sponsors in CoDA. However, she did know of one person, who may be able to assist. She said he was very spiritual and used this approach in his sponsorship. She said she would ask him. She called him and later that day called me to say he would sponsor me and gave me his contact details.
I called E and after a bit of phone tag, we arranged to meet for a coffee.
At the same time I contacted the therapist and commenced therapy to assist in my recovery. I was very determined to get results and immersed myself in getting all the information about this condition.
26th March 2011 – Neytiri – F1 tomorrow down under. Can smell the fuel from here.
26th March 2011 – Jake – I’m in C. Didn’t no u were a rev head! Poms struggling in the cricket
26th March 2011 – Neytiri – Ah the german made pole position. But we’ll see tomorrow. Shame you’re not in M.
I had commenced therapy and we isolated the reasons for my co-dependency around childhood abandonment; rejection and abuse and commenced healing strategies to nurture and validate my inner child and change my belief system.
One thing I really find strange is that : I cannot cry and told the therapist this. I also told Neytiri this.
As I started getting a handle on this co-dependency issue I was discussing my progress with Neytiri each time we spoke. I recall I told Neytiri about what I had discovered about myself and questioned whether it was actually a good thing to be talking to her and maintaining the relationship.
Her response: “You can’t live without me!” She sounded very confident and again it was one of those comments that did not make sense at the time. Looking back it is amazing the high level of spirituality she had, although she was not aware of it; neither was I.
5th April 2011 – Jake – R u @ home?
It was also around this time that I met with my CoDA sponsor E. E suggested I get the AA Big Book as it was the mother of all 12 step fellowship programs. He said I should substitute “thinking” for “drinking” in the book and underline in pencil any sentences I felt I needed to highlight. He also mentioned our relationship has to be based on attraction, so he should be comfortable with me and vice versa (It was meant to be!).
He said to focus on reading only the first 103 pages or so. He highlighted the fact that the book is a text and hence needs to be studied as such. Also, advised there was a coded message in the book to build a spiritual arch through which one can enter the 4th dimension!
The next day I visited the local AA shop and bought the Big Book together with some other AA literature and immersed myself in it. I probably read the required pages about 5-6 times (and continue reading them regularly to this day).
8th May 2011 – Neytiri – Making home-made pizzas. Watching f1 with my brother, then soccer and just eating. Missed your skype call was dropping kid for a movie with her friends. Tsu’tey back so its been a hectic week. Will call you during the week, when is it a good time? Pash.
8th May 2011 – Jake – Happy Mother’s Day! Anytime after 12 noon your time is ok. Weber to win. Until then, keep it moist!:)
10th May 2011 – I met with E at home and we spent the afternoon doing the first 3 steps of the program. The Step 3 prayer is very powerful and E shared with me the experience he had when he did his. I did not have anything like a similar experience but felt good, all the same. After this E, gave me a template and told me to do Step 4. He said I should have it ready for him by next week. We agreed to meet on 17th May 2011.
17th May 2011 – We met again and did steps 5 – 9. After Step 5, E said the bottom line is “SELF-WILL RUN RIOT!“ He said from here on forward I should turn my life around 180 degrees and put my Higher Power first, myself 2nd and then everyone else. He said there is no need to ever do the steps again and from here on I should live Steps 10; 11 & 12. And with that he left for an overseas holiday.
No comments:
Post a Comment