What you Resist Persists!

27^th February 2012 – Neytiri – Been thinking of you the whole weekend. Just frustrated, wish i could just have a tiny bit of it with you.

27^th February 2012 – Neytiri – Just a bit irritable today. But i'm just smiling right now cause i know exactly what you'd say.

27^th February 2012 – Jake – If I can just make everything fall where it should be, I would. If I could make life better for you, I would. But I can’t. All I can do is to let you know that mine has been better because of you.

The FORCE is strong...Ish'llah

27^th February 2012 – Jake – Why do I text you? It’s my choice. It’s my way of saying I'm thinking of you. Why do I think of you? It’s my choice. It proves that I care. Why do I care? I don’t know. It’s not my choice but my heart’s...Ish'llah

This week’s Staying Present tip from Eckhart Tolle was “What you resist persists!” Later on that night I am doing some reading from the Conversations with God and what’s one of the first things I read: “WHAT YOU RESIST PERSISTS!” Wow.

There is obviously a strong message in there for me.  I have not totally surrendered. Maybe in my relation with Moat or in my career or in my diet.  Somewhere I am still resisting.  I need to let go and let God.  I pray for help in resolving this issue or shortcoming.

Neytiri is having a similar issue with resistance and it is now apparent to me that her conflict about our relation is worse than I had previously thought.  Just like a cancer patient (& I should know because it already feels like I live with one) just when you think they are in remission, they have a relapse.

She asked me why I shared my life story and recovery with her; why I care about her; why I connect to her; why she has deep feelings for me, etc etc etc.  I’m thinking “Duh!”, you still don’t get it.  At some level she thinks this whole thing is of her doing. Well I have news for you, my dear, read on.

I am reminded of the chapter in the Big Book that states (pages 60-62):

Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in her own way. If her arrangements would only stay put , if only people would do as she wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including herself, would be pleased……………………….

This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God………….., God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents.

She tells me she likes to be in control; likes to be on top!  Well until she let’s go; until she surrenders; until she stops resisting and just accepting what is, the conflict will remain.  That’s a shame. Maybe it's time for a time out? She needs to ask herself "Who am I and what do I want?"

I set a challenge for her.  I told her once she surrenders and fully accepts what is, someone will come in her life and she will be compelled to share with them our relation and / or this blog…Isha’llah.

She also asks me whether her conflict affects me.  It did in the past but I think I’m over it now. None of what we have is our doing.

On a lighter note, she tells me she watched Blood Diamonds, yet again. She really likes the movie, the scenery and now that her awareness is greater she got sublime messages from it. TIA! It’s in her blood, literally.

This should help her deal with her conflict...

28^th February 2012 – Jake – I know your life can go on without me, that you can be happy without me, that you can survive without me. But even if you turn me away, I will remain in you and be your sweetest stranger forever…Ish’llah

The Notebook

25^th February 2012 – Jake –You’re one of the people I never asked from God but still, She gave you to me. I asked Her why, She said, “Because she can fill your life like no one else can.”

Behind every great love is a great story.

I had never heard of this movie, The Notebook and it was indicated to me by my local DVD store.  They had a list of top movies for Valentines and this was top of the list. I felt compelled to see it. So did many others because it took awhile before I could secure a copy.

What a great movie.  It was deeply romantic and at once heartwarming and heartbreaking. It will capture you in its sweeping and emotional force.

I was deeply moved by the movie and came so very, very close to crying.  It was so relevant to events in my life.  The following lines really have special meaning for me:

For the first time.......I feel like I’ve got something to look forward to.

This is not about keeping your promise and it’s not about following your heart, it’s about security.

Would you stop thinking about what everybody wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

GODDAMN IT! WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I think this is where Neytiri’s conflict arises from and until she realises it, it will continue to be an issue.  That is why I am so very, very grateful that she made the resounding decision to visit me.  It is probably only the 2^nd time, I know of, where she has done something she wants. Good onya!  But it will be a test for her once she arrives; whether she can stay present and forget the family for 2 weeks.  She needs a Hall pass!  I think I will also need one.

......but I want to do that, because I want you.....I want all of you forever – you and me, everyday.

What easy way?  There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.

...learning from each other and growing in love.

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, 

That plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. 

And that’s what you’re given me. That’s what I’d love to give you forever. I love you, I’ll be seeing you.

Well, thanks, Doc but you know what they say? Science goes only so far and then comes God...Then comes God.

She is good. I don’t know, there’s something about today. Maybe it’s a day for a miracle.

Look, guys, that’s my sweetheart in there. I’m not leaving her. This is my home now. Your mother is my home.

I need to ask you something.   

What is it, sweetheart?    

Do you think that our love can create miracles?   

Yes, I do. That’s what brings you back to me each time.   

Do you think our love could take us away together?  

I think our love can do anything we want it to do.

Love always prevails and conquers all.  Or as Neytiri always says “There is only love.”  I have since been feeling a sense of clarity and intense peace.  I feel at one.

The Soul's Purpose (or the sole purpose)!

22^nd February 2012 – Jake – Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

I have 500 sheets of paper in front of me and I still don’t have enough room to tell you how much I love you...Ish'llah

I asked Neytiri if she is ready to die and this time I got an emphatic “Yes”. In the book “Conversations with God” the author states that we have made death into a “bad / sad” event, which is basically incorrect.

When the soul is ready to go it will leave, always. So rather than judge the event, just accept it has what is, for we know not what the soul’s purpose is.

On Monday, a teacher at my son’s school was involved in a murder / suicide. Previously, I would have judged the event as tragic and an unnecessary loss of life. Now I just accept it as what it is.  It is the soul’s journey of each person directly (and indirectly) affected by the incident.  Everything happens according to plan. There are no accidents.

He further goes on the state that the soul’s purpose is to experience and find perfect love.  Perfect love is like what perfect white is to colours.  Perfect white is not an absence of colour but is made up of a combination of all known colours.

So, perfect love is made up of all human emotions, “good” and “bad”. To experience perfect love the soul has to experience every human emotion combination possible and this can take many lifetimes. Wow!  All makes sense to me now.

There is Power in Clarity.

I met a dear friend of mine and he was updating me about the events in his life.  As the conversation progressed I felt compelled to tell him of my journey to date.  The Force was very strong and I made a mental note to ask Neytiri how she slept that night.

Anyway before I could ask her, she pre-empted it by stating she had a poor night’s sleep.  I told her I was meant to ask her about it and related the encounter I had had earlier in the day.

During the conversation with my friend, he bought up the movie, The Curious case of Benjamin Button. He had actually written down some notable lines form the movie.  As we read through the list, I felt a surge in the Force. So as the movie has now been indicated, I will have to see it again. Awesome!

Neytiri said that I had told her I was at peace with our relationship.  She said she is still not 100% at peace with it and struggles with the “right” or “wrong” of it.   I reiterated that there is no such thing and only thing makes it so.

In matters where there is a conflict between heart (feelings) and mind (ego), always go with you feelings.  Feelings never lie!

Tonight we have folk dancing.  A year ago I had SMS Neytiri about going to this event. What a difference a year makes. We commented that a year ago we were both in a different place.

She still does not believe she was the catalyst for my awakening!  Jsu being modest? However, we have both grown as a result.

Wherever You Are, BE THERE Totally!

20^th February 2012 – Neytiri – Do you still have the energy to Skype me tomorrow? Read your blog. Really feel for you, wish i could help.

20^th February 2012 – Jake – I did three things today; miss you, miss you, and miss you. So don't be silly. I'll be back to normal once I See You. It's just a dose of love sickness..Ish'llah

In the book the Power of Now, the author states you should practice being in the present by taking any routine activity that normally is only a means to an end and giving it your fullest attention, so that it becomes an end in itself.

So I decided that all the daily mundane tasks I do I will stay in the present.  Tasks such as showering, shaving, driving, etc. But jeez it is tough.  Within no time my mind is already drifting to the past or future.  So even if I can stay present for 1 second at a time it is progress for me. 1 second will then become 2 seconds which will then become 3 seconds and so on until it becomes automatic.

He further gives a great strategy to overcome waiting and impatience. He states when you catch yourself slipping into waiting, snap out of it. Come into the present moment. Just be, and enjoy being.

So next time someone says “Sorry to keep you waiting.” You can reply, “That’s alright, I wasn’t waiting. I was just standing here enjoying myself – IN JOY IN MY SELF.” Wow!

The secret of life is to “die before you die” – and find that there is no death.

Talked to Neytiri after almost 2 weeks, which seemed like a lifetime.  The Force was strong during our talk.

We discussed the above and I asked her if she was ready to die! 

We see birth as “good” and death as “bad”. But neither are either. It is just the circle of life.  The soul knows this. More about this next post.

Neytiri still having trouble expressing her true feelings. Why?

I have booked and confirmed I will be visiting my home town for 2 weeks.  This will be my first visit to my family of origin since I discovered my co-dependent history. Should be interesting. Stay tuned

I Ask, Seek and Knock..

16^th February 2012 – Neytiri – Won't be able to Skype today, i'm sorry. Miss you too too much, getting withdrawal symptoms. Talk to you tuesday.

16^th February 2012 – Jake – If you think missing me is hard, you should try missing you.

A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart...Ish'llah

When I ask, answers come.

When I seek, people cross my path.

When I knock, doors open.

This past week has being pretty “rough”.  I have “rough” in quotes because that’s how I would have previously described it.  But now I just accept it as it is.

Previously I would have thought why is this happening to me all at once?  What’s the next “bad” thing to happen.

Wednesday, my head cold moved down to my throat and chest, which felt midly congested. My lips were burning like crazy and started bleeding! (I mean we are in the middle of summer, this does not happen to me in the middle of winter). I broke a tooth whilst eating a mint, a fungal rash re-erupted and I developed a huge blister on my toe!  All this was my body telling me I had ingested too much junk.

Also, the 2 female nemesis of my life erupted this past week but that’s a whole separate topic for another conversation. Suffice to say, it really tested me.

Now I know there is no “good” or “bad”; “right” or “wrong” but thinking makes it so.  I just accepted what it is.  I have come to the realisation that whenever my life appears to be “good” I become complacent (because I’m the Man!) or whenever things appear to be “bad”, I am filled with self-pity.

That was the old me.  Now I know it is all part of the plan; the journey my soul wishes to experience.  However, my logical mind always wants to find the cause.

So I am reading the book “Came to believe..” and there is a chapter on "Coincidence?" The chapter relates the amazing line of events and situations that lead to answers and could not be logically explained. The simple answer provided is “I don’t know. I don’t attempt to explain with reason and logic why these things happen. When they happen, I just accept them.” Wow!

So now my goal is not to spend too much time and anguish making reason of events in my life.

Further on in the book I read the following : “God has a job for us to do. I have also come to believe that I must please God first, myself second, and everybody else third. When I can live and feel that way – and it isn’t all day every day – things seem to work out. When I try to run the show, everything goes to hell.” Awesome!

This is exactly how E, my sponsor, said I should live my life and how I have been living it since May 2011.  I suggested to Neytiri that she should do the same (and anyone else reading this) but she struggles with this notion of letting go and letting God.

I know one day she will she the “light” and then she will have what I have. I truly wish everyone could have what I have,

 

Talking of Neytiri, we have not spoken for more than 10 days now but I am at peace.  My impatience has not being triggered so I am glad, in a way.  Also the FORCE has not been strong so it also makes it easier.  However, my life does feel empty during these long periods of no contact and it sometimes feels surreal.

Watched “Last Night” (starring Sam Worthington, who plays Jake in Avatar) over the weekend and picked up a couple of salient messages.

149 days to go!

Endless Love!

14^th February 2012 – Neytiri – Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart. Happy Valentines Day.

14^th February 2012 – Jake – I'm not supposed to love you; I'm not supposed to care; I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were here; I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do. I'm sorry I just can't help myself, I fell in love with you!

Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control..Ish'llah

Today was supposed to be a special day but I have not felt this bad, physically in a while.  My sinuses have flared up and I have a head cold. This appears to affect the FORCE ‘cause I can feel it trying to get through but it’s weak.  Maybe I'm just love sick!

Yesterday Neytiri sent me her flight itinerary for her visit. I felt ambivalent.  One the one hand I was thrilled and excited at the prospect of her visit; it was finally a reality. But on the other hand I realised the enormity and the responsibility on me to ensure she returns safely. I’m already lost in the future and thinking about what to do, etc. Etc.  It should all be good.

Neytiri had previously commented (and I concurred) on how, now that the awareness levels are higher, movies have a different effect and there can be so many concealed messages.  I watched The Trial on the week end and was amazed at the messages I gleaned from the movie:

e.g. The lawyer is told that he cannot do it all by himself and needs a higher power to help!

He should not focus on why his family was taken away from him; but on why he survived.  There is a plan for this.

Every day That Goes by It Seems like I Discover Something New about You to Love

It's Incredible To Me How One Person Can Make Such A BIG Difference in My Life

You Touch Me in a Way No One Else Ever Has and Give Me So Many Reasons to Love You

If you’re asking if I need you the answer is forever...

If you’re asking if I'll leave you the answer is Never..

If you’re asking what I value the Answer is you..

If you’re asking if I love you the answer is I do

Everyone says you only fall in love once but that’s not true, every time I hear your voice I fall in love all over again

My love,
There's only you in my life
The only thing that's bright
My first love,
You're every breath that I take
You're every step I make
And I want to share
All my love with you
No one else will do...
And your eyes
They tell me how much you care
Ooh yes, you will always be
My endless love
Two hearts,
Two hearts that beat as one
Our lives have just begun
Forever I'll hold you close in my arms
I can't resist your charms
And love I'll be a fool
For you,
I'm sure
You know I don't mind
You mean the world to me
I know I've found in you
My endless love
And, YES
You'll be the only one
'Cause NO one can deny
This love I have inside
And I'll give it all to you
My love, My endless love

To Teach is to Learn Twice! (S)

12^th February 2012 – Jake – If tomorrow is judgment day
And I'm standing on the front line

And the Lord asks me what I did with my life

I will say I spent it with you

If I wake up in World War III

I see destruction and poverty

And I feel like I want to go home

It's okay if you're coming with me

If I lose my fame and fortune

And I'm homeless on the street

And I'm sleeping in Grand Central Station

It's okay if you're sleeping with me

As the years they pass us by

We stay young through each other's eyes

And no matter how old we get

It's okay as long as I got you baby

If I should die this very day

Don't cry, 'cause on Earth we weren't meant to stay

And no matter what the people say

I'll be waiting for you after the judgment day

'Cause your love is my love 

And my love is your love

It would take an eternity to break us

And the chains of Amistad couldn't hold us

When the student is ready the teacher appears: this has proven true for me. I cannot explain it but I will be in the right place and the right time and there the teacher is. The time is ripe.

I have found whenever I get off a call with Neytiri over the next day or so I will always get some answer that is relevant to me; or us or to her.  I find it amazing.  Sometimes I am in for a few rough days of cleansing, which at the time can be pretty shitty but I come out the other side a stronger, better person.

That’s why I think I always a bit anxious when I speak to her because I don’t know what the eventual outcome will be.  But as I say “Everything happens for a reason.”

Sometimes I have to hold back on the answers that come to me that pertain especially to her.  There is a fine line between being a teacher and a preacher!  I always want to be the teacher so I learn twice.

This morning I’m watching Star Wars the Clone Wars, with my son, and this is the theme “A great student is what the teacher hopes to be..”  WoW!

No Valentine Day's Call:(

8^th February 2012 – Jake – Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I don’t have..Ish’llah. The FORCE is too strong to ignore!

8^th February 2012 – Neytiri – Wow. I really am starting to go with the flow with housework, just stay in the present and think of you. But you're right the force is too strong. Just make sure you're online 12.30 tomorrow. And you know you already have me.

8^th February 2012 – Jake – Cause I love you and I miss you, hearing your voice is the closest thing to touching you..Ish'llah

The force has been very strong this week and I was discussing with Neytiri the feelings of the Force and the difficulty I have explaining how it feels.  I told her I feel truly blessed to have this divine experience and asked her how and where she felt the Force.  She also could not explain and said “Maybe it is unexplainable!”

The force is not consistent in its intensity and some days there is nothing. I cannot turn it off but can turn it on by reading spiritual books and material.  On certain days I can set my clock to it (in sync with Neytiri) and I really believe it is our souls communicating with each other. It is active as I write this post.

I told Neytiri I had a few “aha” moments this past week.  Firstly, I was packing away some books that were lying on my desk and one fell out of the pile; an AA book titled “Came to believe..”  I did not remember buying it but felt drawn to read it, especially after it was “indicated”.

It is a book about individuals’ (in AA) relating how and what experience they had that lead to a spiritual awakening.  This line sprang out “How fortunate we alcoholics are to have a malady which compels us to seek recovery through the spiritual.”

Wow; I’ve always told Neytiri and anyone else who cares to listen the AA’s (and similar 12 step programs) are the blessed one because they will have a spiritual awakening if they follow the steps, an experience that probably 99.5% of the general population will not have.

Secondly, I was reading “Conversation with God” and in there he talks about the rhythm of life, the vibration of energy.  Birth and death are part of this cycle and neither is good or bad but just is

.

“There is no right or wrong, good or bad, it is thinking that makes it so!”

He states how can a death be “bad” if it saves thousands and how can “birth” be good if it brings on untold misery?  He states we should not judge events as we do not know what the soul’s intention is.  What has the soul chosen to experience? If someone has a disability or an ailment, it is because the soul has intended this experience.  We should not judge it. Wow!

Previously Neytiri had told me about the death of a mutual acquaintance and his wife in a car crash and after reading the above I told her: “It is possible their souls wanted to experience such a death and it would be one of the reasons they got married in the first place”.

Everything happens for a reason; there are no coincidences or “accidents” in life. Be Present and accept what it. I told our souls are now ready to meet hence her visit in the near future.  I await the outcome.  She was a bit impatient 23-24 years ago.

Thirdly, when we last spoke I asked her about her food triggers and thought I re-read the sections on triggers and addictions in “A New Earth” to help her. What I found was the answer to my trigger when impatient!

She read from “The Power of Now” and told me she opened it and it was just the right page.  She was drawn to this statement about dying to the past in the moment so there is nothing to carry forward. I recall it also struck a chord with me.  Also the Force was extremely intense and I felt an amazing feeling of joy and peace, whilst she was reading.

I told her to pick a page at random and read it.  Same message again.  So either she is living in the past on some issues; I am or we both are.

The Big Sprig tells me she watched the movie Julia, Julie (my inspiration for this blog).  Bring on the butter, mon cherie!

She also tells me she has an informal group of gym mums who take solace in their muffin tops; blaming everyone and everything for their predicament, apart from the bitch in the mirror.  I’m sure Posh Becks would agree that there are no muffin tops in nature. But then I have not popped a kid, so who am I to judge? Sorry, please forgive me.

She tells me the kids are on break next week and Tsu’tey has taken some time off, so no Valentine’s Day call for us.  What we have does not require a marketing gimmick to remind us of our love, but I will definitely miss the call.

So my goal for the week ahead is not to pine on what should be but celebrate what is!

On the physiological front, the teenage feelings continue unabated, I’ve got a “headache”; my lips are burning like crazy and my hearing is bionic.

9^th February 2012 – Jake – R u offline?

Maybe It Was Not To Be Our Nite?

7^th February 2012 – Neytiri – Running late. Maybe 12.30 sorry.

7^th February 2012 – Neytiri – I’m waiting patiently.

Today we had probably the shortest talk ever!  Maybe it was just not meant to be our day/night.  Not only did Neytiri have to leave early, she was gonna be late for the call.  To top it all she sent the last SMS which I did not receive (until much later), so the call got further delayed.

I had not heard from her, so I was about to call it a nite but decided to check my phone.  I could feel her but thought maybe she is stuck in traffic (they have been having terrible weather). I realised there was no reception and thought maybe she has been trying to contact me.  So I went online and there she was, waiting patiently.  She probably thought this was pay back for making me waiting a few weeks ago.  I would not do that to her!  The good thing I was not triggered at all, so was very happy with that.

The other great news was Neytiri confirmed she booked her flights for her visit here; so now it is exciting and only 160 days to go!  I’m sure the days will drag until her visit and then be over in a blink of an eye!

Back to the weather; they are having the worst winter in a generation so it is expected for her lips to be dried and chapped.  Here 32 degree and 70% and I am probably the only guy in town with dried, burning lips. Go figure!

Today it Mo’at’s birthday and also my son’s school’s 100^th anniversary. Coincidence?

Got up feeling a bit anxious this morning; don’t know why.

However, the FORCE has been strong since the start of the week; Neytiri tells me I’m always on her mind, so what’s new?

The Human Guinea Pig!

5^th February 2012 – Neytiri – I have an diabetic eye appt on tuesday at 2. Will have to catch the bus so maybe we can have a quicky. Having a difficult weekend. I need you.

5^th February 2012 – Jake – This too shall pass..Ish'llah I feel you.

6^th February 2012 – Jake – We have to feel an enormous amount of care if we want to help someone. It’s not how much we know, but how much we care, that creates miraculous changes..Ish'llah

When I fractured my ankle back in October 2011 I was told by the doctor that it was a 50/50 fracture, i.e. it was optional whether to operate or not.  I chose not to operate.  He then advised because of this 50/50 grey area, they were conducting international research into which was better; operation or no operation. He enquired whether I would like to take part.  He said it was a randomised selection; I had no choice.

I told him put me down.  I thought I’ll do my bit for mankind and maybe this was the reason for my injury! Anyway, I drew non-operational which was fine and they will now monitor my progress over 12 months.

2 weeks ago, I get a letter in the mail stating my family has been selected for a national health survey! Yipee.

Today I get a kit in the mail for the National Bowel Cancer Screening Program for selected individuals only and I happen to be one of them!

Now feeling like a real guinea pig and doing more than my fair share for mankind.  Bring it on!

Physiological Changes - Part II

3^rd February 2012 – Jake – A hug for you means I need you. A kiss for you means I love you. A call for you means I’m missing you..Ish'llah

Last week we went down to the coast for a long weekend and my ears got blocked whilst swimming.  So I went to the doctor to have them syringed.  After that my hearing appeared normal.  When I went to bed that night, I noticed the donna and sheets sounded different.

I didn’t give it a second thought.  I went to the toilet during the night I noticed the door sounded strange.  Again I didn’t give it a second thought. The next morning whilst on the toilet I noticed the toilet paper had an amazing sound and that’s when I realised my hearing was now super sensitive!  Throughout the day everything sounded different and I heard sounds I never heard before.

I realised I must I have another physiological change like the one I had back in early September 2011 (which continues to this day).  Wow!  Another miracle.

When I saw the doctor for my ears, I got the results of my blood test, which I had done a few weeks before.  Previous blood tests showed I had high cholesterol and the current test showed a dramatic improvement.  In fact well below the upper level, more mid-range.

I told Neytiri about this and said it is an example of the power of positive thinking; of mind over body.  She said she does not believe that is possible.  Anyway the next day I’m reading from ‘Conversations with God’ and this is what is written:

‘You cannot be ill without at some level causing yourself to be, and you can be well again in a moment by simply deciding to be.’  WOW!

Her Childhood and Step 5 Revisited

2^nd February 2012 – Jake – Blog’s now live @ http://mysoulmate journey.blogspot.com.au/

2^nd February 2012 – Jake – The technique of survival is embraced in those adjustments of the human will and those transformations in the mortal mind whereby such a God-conscious intellect gradually becomes spirit taught and eventually spirit lead..Ish’llah

2^nd February 2012 – Neytiri – Give me 10 just want to make a salad.

Tonight I attended my local CoDA meeting.  It was my 1 year anniversary.  I told the group that the person that walked into the group 1 year ago would be a stranger to me today.  I expressed my gratitude to all who assisted me directly or indirectly.

Neytiri asked me about the 12 step program and why it was important to confess one’s defects or shortcomings with another human being.  She told me she had been on another program where they were told to create an imaginary person and tell this person their shortcomings.

I read from the Big Book and the 12 x 12 book the reasons why Step 5 is so important and by skimping on this step the desired result would never eventuate.

I could feel she was anxious and she started talking about a question I asked her some weeks ago.  I had asked her “Tell me about your childhood.” At the time she replied “Not now.  There are some things I have not told you. We’ll talk about it some other time.”

She said “It’s has always being in the background (her childhood?) and I never gave it much thought or had it in the forefront of her mind.  No one has ever asked me about my childhood, not even Tsu’tey! Why did you have to ask me about it?”

I asked “What are your fears?” She said “I don’t know how to say this.  I’ll tell you when I come visit you.  I’m too close to you now anyway, so can I do it with someone else?”