Movie of the Year (?) - Runaway Bride - the story of Neytiri's Life!?
So; How do you like your eggs, Neytiri?
So; How do you like your eggs, Neytiri?
MAN
(reads)
"To be fair, the man-eater isn't exactly new. In Ancient Greece, this fearsome female was known as Erinys, the devouring death goddess. In India, she is Kali, who likes to devour her boyfriend Shiva's entrails while her yoni devour his -- dot dot dot, never mind. In Indonesia, the bloody-jawed man-eater is called Ragma..."
"... And in Hale, Maryland where she helps run the family hardware store. She is known as Miss Maggie Carpenter..."
(mispronounces)
".... AKA, the Runaway Bride."
(reads)
"To be fair, the man-eater isn't exactly new. In Ancient Greece, this fearsome female was known as Erinys, the devouring death goddess. In India, she is Kali, who likes to devour her boyfriend Shiva's entrails while her yoni devour his -- dot dot dot, never mind. In Indonesia, the bloody-jawed man-eater is called Ragma..."
"... And in Hale, Maryland where she helps run the family hardware store. She is known as Miss Maggie Carpenter..."
(mispronounces)
".... AKA, the Runaway Bride."
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IKE: I feel I'm right about you. You got me fired, lady. You destroyed my reputation and you screwed up my hair. You chew men up, spit them out and loved it. And I'm down here to satisfy myself on that point.
MAGGIE: Did something happen to make you care about reality?
IKE: Yes. Conviction. Conviction that I'm onto the truth. You're going to do the same thing to "poor bastard number four"
that you did to the last three. You're going to run again. And I'm not leaving until you do.
MAGGIE: You're going to be very disappointed.
IKE: We'll see.
MAGGIE: Did something happen to make you care about reality?
IKE: Yes. Conviction. Conviction that I'm onto the truth. You're going to do the same thing to "poor bastard number four"
that you did to the last three. You're going to run again. And I'm not leaving until you do.
MAGGIE: You're going to be very disappointed.
IKE: We'll see.
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MAGGIE: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was... ahh...Anyway, I have sort of a technical question here. I've been having -- bad thoughts. I mean, really bad thoughts...
PRIEST: Of an impure nature?
MAGGIE: No -- like -- I'm having a problem with that whole turn-the-other-cheek concept. I want revenge. I want to destroy this guy's life, career, everything. On the sin scale, how big is that? I mean, can I "Hail Mary" my way out of it?
PRIEST: Child, any sin in one's heart is...
MAGGIE: The name's Maggie. It wasn't this side of ten years ago that you had your tongue down my throat. So don't call me "child", Brian. It annoys me.
BRIAN: You're not even Catholic, Maggie -- you really shouldn't come to confession.
MAGGIE: I'm sorry. I'm just so stressed out about that slime-ball reporter being in town. I jus had to come warn you he might show up here and start asking you all kinds of ridiculous questions.
BRIAN: Actually, he only asked me one ridiculous question. The rest weren't so bad.
PRIEST: Of an impure nature?
MAGGIE: No -- like -- I'm having a problem with that whole turn-the-other-cheek concept. I want revenge. I want to destroy this guy's life, career, everything. On the sin scale, how big is that? I mean, can I "Hail Mary" my way out of it?
PRIEST: Child, any sin in one's heart is...
MAGGIE: The name's Maggie. It wasn't this side of ten years ago that you had your tongue down my throat. So don't call me "child", Brian. It annoys me.
BRIAN: You're not even Catholic, Maggie -- you really shouldn't come to confession.
MAGGIE: I'm sorry. I'm just so stressed out about that slime-ball reporter being in town. I jus had to come warn you he might show up here and start asking you all kinds of ridiculous questions.
BRIAN: Actually, he only asked me one ridiculous question. The rest weren't so bad.
MAGGIE: Wait -- what was the ridiculous question he asked?
BRIAN: He wanted to know how you used to like your eggs.
MAGGIE: Weird. Like after all those years you would remem--
BRIAN: -- Scrambled, with salt, pepper and dill. Same as me.
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MAGGIE: I'm really sorry that I hurt you, Brian.
BRIAN: He wanted to know how you used to like your eggs.
MAGGIE: Weird. Like after all those years you would remem--
BRIAN: -- Scrambled, with salt, pepper and dill. Same as me.
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MAGGIE: I'm really sorry that I hurt you, Brian.
IKE: But the most interesting thing here is that I don't see the rose tattoo that I've heard about on your back.
GILL: Ike bet me fifty bucks you don't still have it, Mags. I said "You're on, man! Maggie loved that thing!" And I could really use fifty bucks.
GILL: Ike bet me fifty bucks you don't still have it, Mags. I said "You're on, man! Maggie loved that thing!" And I could really use fifty bucks.
MAGGIE: I'm not gonna show you guys anything. I am a soon-to-be-married woman. Now give me that photograph.
IKE: Sure, I would love to give this to you. Just give us one quick gander (of your TMT!) at that rose, and, I'll gladly hand it over.
MAGGIE: Fine. Here.
Maggie quickly turns around and pulls down the back of her shirt,
revealing the top of her back and a pristine expanse of skin. No
tattoo.
MAGGIE: Satisfied?
IKE: Completely.
GILL: Maggie? You got it removed?
IKE: Gill, I'll go ya double or nothing if was a stick-on.
GILL: Maggie?
MAGGIE: I'm really, really afraid of needles...It doesn't make me a bad person.
IKE: Look, look, man. I think the man is heartbroken.
MAGGIE: He is not!
---------------------------------------------------
IKE: Sure, I would love to give this to you. Just give us one quick gander (of your TMT!) at that rose, and, I'll gladly hand it over.
MAGGIE: Fine. Here.
Maggie quickly turns around and pulls down the back of her shirt,
revealing the top of her back and a pristine expanse of skin. No
tattoo.
MAGGIE: Satisfied?
IKE: Completely.
GILL: Maggie? You got it removed?
IKE: Gill, I'll go ya double or nothing if was a stick-on.
GILL: Maggie?
MAGGIE: I'm really, really afraid of needles...It doesn't make me a bad person.
IKE: Look, look, man. I think the man is heartbroken.
MAGGIE: He is not!
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IKE: That your husband out there? Cory Phleming, a local radio announcer.
PEGGY: Have you listened to his morning show, "Wake up with ballplayer"?
IKE: Not yet. I had a phlemless morning. I hear he's a pretty good ballplayer.
PEGGY: This game is pretty important to him. He made all-stars in high school, you know.
IKE: That must have made you proud.
PEGGY: He was going with Maggie back then. He was never one of her... I mean, they were never going to get... They just dated for a while.
IKE: It's nice that they're still friends.
PEGGY: Oh, sure. That was a long time ago. See, she's not a man-hater at all. She's very supportive of men...I'll be back in a second.
MAGGIE: You've been here for three minutes. What did you do to her?
MAGGIE: You misinterpret everything. We've all been friends our whole lives. But that's the types of relationship you wouldn't understand.
IKE: Obviously, I'm not the only one who doesn't understand it. The USS Maggie (HMS Neytiri) leaves quite a wake... Excuse me.
---------------------------------------------------
PEGGY: Have you listened to his morning show, "Wake up with ballplayer"?
IKE: Not yet. I had a phlemless morning. I hear he's a pretty good ballplayer.
PEGGY: This game is pretty important to him. He made all-stars in high school, you know.
IKE: That must have made you proud.
PEGGY: He was going with Maggie back then. He was never one of her... I mean, they were never going to get... They just dated for a while.
IKE: It's nice that they're still friends.
PEGGY: Oh, sure. That was a long time ago. See, she's not a man-hater at all. She's very supportive of men...I'll be back in a second.
MAGGIE: You've been here for three minutes. What did you do to her?
MAGGIE: You misinterpret everything. We've all been friends our whole lives. But that's the types of relationship you wouldn't understand.
IKE: Obviously, I'm not the only one who doesn't understand it. The USS Maggie (HMS Neytiri) leaves quite a wake... Excuse me.
---------------------------------------------------
MAGGIE: Do you think I flirt with Cory?
PEGGY: Good morning to you, too. You look good.
MAGGIE: Thank you. Do you think I flirt with Cory?
PEGGY: Yes.
MAGGIE: I don't mean it.
PEGGY: I know. I think sometimes you just sort of spaz-out with random excess flirtation energy and it just lands on anything male that moves.
MAGGIE: On anything male that moves? As opposed to anything male that doesn't move?
PEGGY: Like certain kinds of coral.
MAGGIE: I'm going to kill myself.
PEGGY: Why?
MAGGIE: Because you think I'm all like... "Hey man, check me out".
PEGGY: No, I don't think you're like, "I'm charming and mysterious in a way that even I don't understand and something about me is crying out for protection from a big man like you". Very hard to compete with. Especially to us married women who have lost our mystery. (This is how the AOL wives felt about Blond Neytiri!)
MAGGIE: But you haven't lost your mystery! You're very mysterious!
PEGGY: No. I'm weird. Weird and mysterious are two different things.
MAGGIE: But I'm weird.
PEGGY: No. You're quirky. Quirky and weird are two different things.
MAGGIE: Peggy, there's distinct possibility that I might be profoundly and irreversibly screwed up. Despite that, I love you and I can promise that I will no longer flirt with Cory, and I beg your forgiveness.
PEGGY: I'm not worried about you and Cory or Cory and me or even that you're irreversibly screwed up. But, Maggie, you've been like this since we were kids. And I think now that you are aware of it and that it hurts people's feelings, maybe it's time to move on with your life and commit to someone of your own, like Bob, if he's the one.
MAGGIE: I think you're right. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
----------------------------------------------------
PEGGY: Good morning to you, too. You look good.
MAGGIE: Thank you. Do you think I flirt with Cory?
PEGGY: Yes.
MAGGIE: I don't mean it.
PEGGY: I know. I think sometimes you just sort of spaz-out with random excess flirtation energy and it just lands on anything male that moves.
MAGGIE: On anything male that moves? As opposed to anything male that doesn't move?
PEGGY: Like certain kinds of coral.
MAGGIE: I'm going to kill myself.
PEGGY: Why?
MAGGIE: Because you think I'm all like... "Hey man, check me out".
PEGGY: No, I don't think you're like, "I'm charming and mysterious in a way that even I don't understand and something about me is crying out for protection from a big man like you". Very hard to compete with. Especially to us married women who have lost our mystery. (This is how the AOL wives felt about Blond Neytiri!)
MAGGIE: But you haven't lost your mystery! You're very mysterious!
PEGGY: No. I'm weird. Weird and mysterious are two different things.
MAGGIE: But I'm weird.
PEGGY: No. You're quirky. Quirky and weird are two different things.
MAGGIE: Peggy, there's distinct possibility that I might be profoundly and irreversibly screwed up. Despite that, I love you and I can promise that I will no longer flirt with Cory, and I beg your forgiveness.
PEGGY: I'm not worried about you and Cory or Cory and me or even that you're irreversibly screwed up. But, Maggie, you've been like this since we were kids. And I think now that you are aware of it and that it hurts people's feelings, maybe it's time to move on with your life and commit to someone of your own, like Bob, if he's the one.
MAGGIE: I think you're right. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
----------------------------------------------------
IKE: Maybe it's just me, but -- if you got to dress it up, it doesn't ring true. I think the most anybody can honestly say is, "Look...I guarantee that we'll have tough times. I guarantee that at some point one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart -- you're the only one for me"
------------------------------------------
BOB: Let me have the garden omelette. Egg whites only.
MAGGIE: I'll have the same.
IKE: Of course.
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MAGGIE: I'll have the same.
IKE: Of course.
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GRANDMA JULIA: Right, cover your ears, Netta. It's not that she's afraid of the wedding, she's afraid of the wedding night. Innocent girls are terrified of "the one-eyed snake". Why, when I was a virgin bride, I took a knitting needle with me into the bed...
MAGGIE: Actually, Grandma, I charmed the one-eyed snake awhile ago.
GRANDMA JULIA: Oh, yeah, I forgot. I'll tell you one thing, your grandpa didn't forget that wedding night.
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MAGGIE: Actually, Grandma, I charmed the one-eyed snake awhile ago.
GRANDMA JULIA: Oh, yeah, I forgot. I'll tell you one thing, your grandpa didn't forget that wedding night.
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MAGGIE: Do you think there's only one right person for everybody?
IKE: No. But I think attraction is too often mistaken for rightness. Attraction is very misleading. And if it's mutual, it's well, terribly distracting.
MAGGIE: Yes it is. And it doesn't mean anything.
IKE: No. But I think attraction is too often mistaken for rightness. Attraction is very misleading. And if it's mutual, it's well, terribly distracting.
MAGGIE: Yes it is. And it doesn't mean anything.
------------------------------------------------------------
IKE: I'm writing an article, I'm getting paid to do this, it's going to be a cover story, it's going to be published... The facts will be read someday.
What kind of eggs did she like?
GEORGE: Poached, just like me.
-------------------------------------------------
ELLIE: ... Just call me when you have it. Ike, how is the story coming? Is she a man-eater?
FISHER: Or a vegetarian?
ELLIE: Or does she pick "NGB'S" -- "Nice Guys, But..." Nice guys, but I'm cheap. Nice guys, but he lives with his mom... Nice guys, but he just out of prison.
IKE: No... They're interesting guys. Each one of these guys has something going for him. I mean, one's been up Everest. Another's become a priest. One's a pretty good guitar player. And this guy today tried to end world hunger, if you can believe that...
FISHER: Whoa, Ike. Getting a complex, buddy?
ELLIE: Fisher, let him talk.
IKE: But one of those guys -- not one of them -- knew her at all. Each one was convinced that she was perfect for them, but they didn't see her. And she never showed up so they couldn't see her. It's a very symbolic thing happening. She becomes what she thinks they wanted to be.
-----------------------------------------------------------
What kind of eggs did she like?
GEORGE: Poached, just like me.
-------------------------------------------------
ELLIE: ... Just call me when you have it. Ike, how is the story coming? Is she a man-eater?
FISHER: Or a vegetarian?
ELLIE: Or does she pick "NGB'S" -- "Nice Guys, But..." Nice guys, but I'm cheap. Nice guys, but he lives with his mom... Nice guys, but he just out of prison.
IKE: No... They're interesting guys. Each one of these guys has something going for him. I mean, one's been up Everest. Another's become a priest. One's a pretty good guitar player. And this guy today tried to end world hunger, if you can believe that...
FISHER: Whoa, Ike. Getting a complex, buddy?
ELLIE: Fisher, let him talk.
IKE: But one of those guys -- not one of them -- knew her at all. Each one was convinced that she was perfect for them, but they didn't see her. And she never showed up so they couldn't see her. It's a very symbolic thing happening. She becomes what she thinks they wanted to be.
-----------------------------------------------------------
IKE: You want me to make a toast? Okay... I'll give you a toast. To Maggie's family and friends. May you find yourselves the bull's eye of an easy target. May you be publicly flogged for all of your bad choices and may your noses to rubbed in all of your mistakes...
MAGGIE: You humiliated me!
IKE: No, Maggie, I defended you. Humiliating you is what everyone else is doing. It's the theme of this party.
MAGGIE: I had it under control. Now they feel sorry for me.
IKE: Well, they should. Because they're about to watch you hang yourself again.-- Tell me something, do you really care about Mount Everest?
MAGGIE: It's fun! It's high.
IKE: Or the sexual habits of locusts?
MAGGIE: That was very interesting research George was doing!
IKE: What kind of Dead Head gets a temporary tattoo?
MAGGIE: I already explained about that.
IKE: And where you ever really going to run the leper colony in Molokai?
MAGGIE: Brian told you that?
IKE: Or maybe you just wanted to wear the headdress.
MAGGIE: Every one of those times I was being supportive. Something you won't understand.
IKE: Supportive? You weren't being supportive. You were being scared. Just like now. You are the most lost woman I have ever laid eyes on.
MAGGIE: Lost!
IKE: That's right. You're so lost you don't even know how you like your eggs.
MAGGIE: What!?
IKE: With the priest, you liked them scrambled. With the Dead Head, fried. With the bug guy, poached. Now it's egg whites only, thank you very much.
MAGGIE: That's called changing your mind.
IKE: No, that's called not having a mind of your own. What are you doing, Maggie? You really want to let that man drag you up Annapuma on your honeymoon? You don't want to climb Annapuma.
MAGGIE: Yes I do!
IKE: No you don't. You want a man who will lead you down the beach with his head over your eyes just so you can discover the feel of the sand under your feet. You want a guy who will take you into a cave with a thousand candles just to read you a poem. You want a man to wake you up at dawn because he's burning to talk to you and he can't wait another minute to find out what you'll say. Am I right?
Am I right?
MAGGIE: Stop. Stop it! I'm getting married on Sunday, and you're just trying to make me run! Why? Because you're a cynical,
exploitative, mean-hearted creep who wouldn't know real love if it bit him in the armpit! And all you do is tear other people down and-and-and laugh at them, and criticize what they do, because you're too afraid to do anything yourself! I read your column. You never wrote one about you. I'm not the only one who's lost and you know it! Am I right? Well? Am I right?
--------------------------------------------------------------
IKE: No, Maggie, I defended you. Humiliating you is what everyone else is doing. It's the theme of this party.
MAGGIE: I had it under control. Now they feel sorry for me.
IKE: Well, they should. Because they're about to watch you hang yourself again.-- Tell me something, do you really care about Mount Everest?
MAGGIE: It's fun! It's high.
IKE: Or the sexual habits of locusts?
MAGGIE: That was very interesting research George was doing!
IKE: What kind of Dead Head gets a temporary tattoo?
MAGGIE: I already explained about that.
IKE: And where you ever really going to run the leper colony in Molokai?
MAGGIE: Brian told you that?
IKE: Or maybe you just wanted to wear the headdress.
MAGGIE: Every one of those times I was being supportive. Something you won't understand.
IKE: Supportive? You weren't being supportive. You were being scared. Just like now. You are the most lost woman I have ever laid eyes on.
MAGGIE: Lost!
IKE: That's right. You're so lost you don't even know how you like your eggs.
MAGGIE: What!?
IKE: With the priest, you liked them scrambled. With the Dead Head, fried. With the bug guy, poached. Now it's egg whites only, thank you very much.
MAGGIE: That's called changing your mind.
IKE: No, that's called not having a mind of your own. What are you doing, Maggie? You really want to let that man drag you up Annapuma on your honeymoon? You don't want to climb Annapuma.
MAGGIE: Yes I do!
IKE: No you don't. You want a man who will lead you down the beach with his head over your eyes just so you can discover the feel of the sand under your feet. You want a guy who will take you into a cave with a thousand candles just to read you a poem. You want a man to wake you up at dawn because he's burning to talk to you and he can't wait another minute to find out what you'll say. Am I right?
Am I right?
MAGGIE: Stop. Stop it! I'm getting married on Sunday, and you're just trying to make me run! Why? Because you're a cynical,
exploitative, mean-hearted creep who wouldn't know real love if it bit him in the armpit! And all you do is tear other people down and-and-and laugh at them, and criticize what they do, because you're too afraid to do anything yourself! I read your column. You never wrote one about you. I'm not the only one who's lost and you know it! Am I right? Well? Am I right?
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BOB: If you were imagining me, you did great.
(to Ike)
What the hell were you doing?
IKE: I'm sorry, Bob. She kissed me back.
MAGGIE: I kissed him back.
BOB: Yeah, I caught that. Want to tell me how long this has been going on?
MAGGIE: About a minute...?
IKE: A little longer for me.
MAGGIE: Really?
BOB: What do you expect me to say to this?
IKE: How about -- "I hope you'll be very happy together"?
BOB: I hope you'll be very happy together.
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(to Ike)
What the hell were you doing?
IKE: I'm sorry, Bob. She kissed me back.
MAGGIE: I kissed him back.
BOB: Yeah, I caught that. Want to tell me how long this has been going on?
MAGGIE: About a minute...?
IKE: A little longer for me.
MAGGIE: Really?
BOB: What do you expect me to say to this?
IKE: How about -- "I hope you'll be very happy together"?
BOB: I hope you'll be very happy together.
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CINDY: I love his eyes. I just believe they're listening to you.
PEGGY: His hair... any color.
GRANDMA JULIA: I like his tight butt.
---------------------------------------------
PEGGY: His hair... any color.
GRANDMA JULIA: I like his tight butt.
---------------------------------------------
BOB: I'm glad it's you.
IKE: Really?
BOB: I didn't want to find out I wasn't for her in the fourth quarter.
IKE: Got any last minute advice?
BOB: Maintain eye contact.
IKE: Eye contact. Eye contact.
---------------------------------------------------
IKE: Really?
BOB: I didn't want to find out I wasn't for her in the fourth quarter.
IKE: Got any last minute advice?
BOB: Maintain eye contact.
IKE: Eye contact. Eye contact.
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BOB: That's okay. There's a lid for every pot. Besides, I'm comfortable with Ike. I mean, Jack Dempsey lost his heavyweight title to a New Yorker.
------------------------------------------------------------------
"MAGGIE'S MAD DASH"
"HARDWARE HONEY GOES NUTS AND BOLTS"
"JOURNALIST WRITTEN OFF"
"BRIDE TAKES HIKE...NOT IKE"
"BRIDE TAKE RIDE"
"MAGGIE SAYS I DON'T"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------
"MAGGIE'S MAD DASH"
"HARDWARE HONEY GOES NUTS AND BOLTS"
"JOURNALIST WRITTEN OFF"
"BRIDE TAKES HIKE...NOT IKE"
"BRIDE TAKE RIDE"
"MAGGIE SAYS I DON'T"
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PEGGY: You know, I was just thinking about that geese thing. I think the "V" was half of a "W". A "W" for...
MAGGIE: What are you talking about?
PEGGY: Wedding. Wedding. You just have to get the rest of your ducks in a row.
MAGGIE: Thank you. You still think that he was....
-------------------------------------------
MAGGIE: What are you talking about?
PEGGY: Wedding. Wedding. You just have to get the rest of your ducks in a row.
MAGGIE: Thank you. You still think that he was....
-------------------------------------------
MAGGIE: Just stop it. Don't say another word like that.
WALTER: Maggie, it's just a joke...
MAGGIE: No. It's my life.
WALTER: A harmless joke.
MAGGIE: No, it's humiliating and you've been doing it since I was a kid. I don't like it. Stop. You may not like having a daughter with problems. But guess what? I don't like having a father who's drunk all the time. I'll eat in my room.
GRANDMA JULIA: That needed to be said. You know -- you're always making jokes about her, so they won't make jokes about your drinking.
-------------------------------------------------
WALTER: Maggie, it's just a joke...
MAGGIE: No. It's my life.
WALTER: A harmless joke.
MAGGIE: No, it's humiliating and you've been doing it since I was a kid. I don't like it. Stop. You may not like having a daughter with problems. But guess what? I don't like having a father who's drunk all the time. I'll eat in my room.
GRANDMA JULIA: That needed to be said. You know -- you're always making jokes about her, so they won't make jokes about your drinking.
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MAGGIE: I need a plan... A plan to life... What would Bruce Lee do? He'd kick some ass...
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MAGGIE: I wanted to talk to you about why I run or ride away from things.
IKE: Does it matter?
MAGGIE: I think so... When I was walking down the aisle? I was walking toward somebody who didn't have any idea who I really was. And it was only half the other person's fault, because I had done everything to convince him that I was exactly what he wanted. So it was good that I didn't go through with it because it would have been a lie, but you -- you knew the real me.
IKE: Yes, I did.
MAGGIE: I didn't. And you being the one at the end of the aisle didn't just fix that.
IKE: No, I couldn't fix anything...But I still ended up chasing a truck.
MAGGIE: I understand why you bring up the truck. Let me explain something. The fact is, you've seen me at my worst, most
embarrassing, deviously plotting, potentially but not certifiably,
psychotic state. And if you liked me then, I mean, now... I can't imagine...Benedict.
MAGGIE (cont'd) I love eggs Benedict. I hate all the other kinds.
... I hate big weddings with everybody staring. I would like to get married on a weekday while everybody is at work. If I ride off into the sunset, I want my own horse.
IKE: Should I be writing this down?
She returns to the balcony and hands him the box.
IKE: What's this?
MAGGIE: These are for you.
He opens it. It's her running shoes.
IKE: Used?
MAGGIE: They're mine. I'm turning in my running shoes to you.
IKE: This is getting serious.
Now she is glowing at him, shining with the full force of her.
MAGGIE: And one more thing. I know it's hard to believe there could be more. Um...If you could have a seat, please.
IKE: Oh my God. No.
MAGGIE: No, no -- don't hide your face, this only happens once in a lifetime. It's definitely a first to me, and you're not going to want to miss it.
MAGGIE (cont'd): I love you, Homer Eisenhower Graham. Will you marry me?
IKE: Maggie, I gotta think about this a little bit.
MAGGIE: Good.
She gets off her knees and stands.
MAGGIE (cont'd): I was hoping you'd say that.
IKE: You were not.
MAGGIE: I was, because if you said "yes" right away, I wouldn't get to say this next part. And I've been practicing it.
Ready?
IKE: I'm listening.
MAGGIE: (tenderly) "I guarantee that we'll have tough times. I guarantee that at some point one or both oof us will want to get out. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart -- you're the only one for me".
IKE: Does it matter?
MAGGIE: I think so... When I was walking down the aisle? I was walking toward somebody who didn't have any idea who I really was. And it was only half the other person's fault, because I had done everything to convince him that I was exactly what he wanted. So it was good that I didn't go through with it because it would have been a lie, but you -- you knew the real me.
IKE: Yes, I did.
MAGGIE: I didn't. And you being the one at the end of the aisle didn't just fix that.
IKE: No, I couldn't fix anything...But I still ended up chasing a truck.
MAGGIE: I understand why you bring up the truck. Let me explain something. The fact is, you've seen me at my worst, most
embarrassing, deviously plotting, potentially but not certifiably,
psychotic state. And if you liked me then, I mean, now... I can't imagine...Benedict.
MAGGIE (cont'd) I love eggs Benedict. I hate all the other kinds.
... I hate big weddings with everybody staring. I would like to get married on a weekday while everybody is at work. If I ride off into the sunset, I want my own horse.
IKE: Should I be writing this down?
She returns to the balcony and hands him the box.
IKE: What's this?
MAGGIE: These are for you.
He opens it. It's her running shoes.
IKE: Used?
MAGGIE: They're mine. I'm turning in my running shoes to you.
IKE: This is getting serious.
Now she is glowing at him, shining with the full force of her.
MAGGIE: And one more thing. I know it's hard to believe there could be more. Um...If you could have a seat, please.
IKE: Oh my God. No.
MAGGIE: No, no -- don't hide your face, this only happens once in a lifetime. It's definitely a first to me, and you're not going to want to miss it.
MAGGIE (cont'd): I love you, Homer Eisenhower Graham. Will you marry me?
IKE: Maggie, I gotta think about this a little bit.
MAGGIE: Good.
She gets off her knees and stands.
MAGGIE (cont'd): I was hoping you'd say that.
IKE: You were not.
MAGGIE: I was, because if you said "yes" right away, I wouldn't get to say this next part. And I've been practicing it.
Ready?
IKE: I'm listening.
MAGGIE: (tenderly) "I guarantee that we'll have tough times. I guarantee that at some point one or both oof us will want to get out. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart -- you're the only one for me".
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