How To Transform Your Family Of Origin Wounds Part 2

 

I am so pleased I shared with you last week the wonderful experiences I have had as a result of releasing and transforming my childhood wounds, and I thank you so much for your beautiful supportive comments regarding the joy I now experience with my parents.

 

I know many of you have made the connection between the pain of your childhood and the disappointments of your adult life – specifically in the realms of relationships – and I know many of you also want to create a much healthier ongoing experience of life and love.

 

What we need to understand is as children – we were emotional sponges. We were in alpha brain-wave – we did not have a critical mind which could stand back, rationalise what was happened, and decide whether or not to accept certain ‘messages’ we received from our environment.

 

These messages, especially the ones which carried heavy emotional charges, entered directly into our subconscious mind.

 

Neural studies have confirmed that by the age of 35, 95% of our life is controlled from our subconscious programming. It dictates how we react, who we are attracted to, who and what we accept, and the relationships we experience.

 

This can cause severe problems in our adult life if our Family of Origin and childhood instilled beliefs, which contribute to pain and dissatisfaction in our life, have never been directly addressed.

 

As you may know by now, my work focuses on shifting the beliefs that we have about ourself and life that don’t serve us in order to turn painful life experiences around and start feeling and creating joy, freedom and love.

 

Since the work I have done on my Family of Origin, and my research into Female/Male energy I am ecstatic to find a formula that allows you to target any deficient belief system that you gained from your Family of Origin, release the trigger and pain associated with it, and create new belief systems which are aligned with peace, oneness, wellbeing and your Soul’s truth.

 

In this article I am going to cover exactly what Female and Male energy is, how Female and Male role models may have set you up for pain, abuse and dissatisfying life experiences, and talk to you about the life changing results when you shift into healthy Female/Male energy.

  

How Childhood Wounds Play Out

The two sides of the coin – in response to childhood wounds are this.

• Revenge
• High Level of Tolerance To Painful Behaviour with the tendency to try to Fix It

The first point naturally is narcissistic. This is the ego’s fearful response and the positioning of being ‘one up’ and ‘getting in first if feeling threatened’ as well as the deep (often unconscious) need to pay back the original abusive parent(s) through hurting and punishing other people.

 

As a result of childhood wounds the narcissist has subconsciously decided to avoid being vulnerable. The motto is: I can’t trust anyone and I will make sure I have the upper hand so that I will never be abused again.

 

This is the narcissist’s survival strategy.

 

Sadly, the narcissist’s inability to be vulnerable, accountable or real, is the greatest barrier stopping the narcissist from healing the horror of his or her past, and this is why he or she continues to inflict these wounds on him or herself and other people.

 

In order to fulfil the desire to carry out subconscious malignant revenge, narcissists often choose co-dependents, who also have childhood wounds – because these people stay connected to the narcissist whilst being maliciously punished.

 

The second point relates to the co-dependent. This is the model of ‘If I can change you this time, I will be able to right the wrongs of the parent who originally hurt me.’

 

As a result of childhood wounds the co-dependent has subconsciously decided to try harder. The motto is: If I can just make you love me this time around, I won’t be abused and you WILL actually love me.

 

This is the co-dependent’s survival strategy.

 

In order to fulfil this desire co-dependents will choose people who will hurt them in ways ‘the child’ perceived years ago. This is of course unconscious, and takes place under the surface whilst the logical mind ‘reasons’ WHY this person is NOT the same as the offending childhood wounds.

 

This explains why warning signs and red flags are so often and so easily dismissed.

 

All because the subconscious programs are having their way.

Because they ALWAYS do…

 

Hence the ‘marriage’ of childhood wounds between the narcissist and the co-dependent where both subconscious survival strategies are activated.

 

The narcissist (through revenge) and the co-dependent (through clinging on and fixing) are both trying to right the wrongs of their Family of Origin.

The Need To Fill The Void

The problem with subconscious programming is that it is governed by Law of Attraction – which means like attracts like.

 

This means we don’t attract people who will fill our internal painful emotional holes.

 

Rather we attract people who bring more of them.

 

This is the truth – point blank: We Attract Our Wounds.

 

Our goal to stop this happening is to become integrated and whole human beings. Which means becoming the solid, healthy embodiment of Female (Mother) and Male (Father) energy within ourself.

 

If we don’t have this Female / Male integration we don’t feel whole. Rather we feel anxious, empty and incomplete.

 

If we have significant gaping wounds – we may feel significantly incomplete and even broken.

 

We know this because we are not happy in our own skin. We know this if we feel incredibly depressed and alone when we are not distracted by the outside world and other people.

 

We know this if we feel incredibly empty and depressed because we don’t have a significant other.

 

The reason we feel like this is because we believe we need someone else to ‘complete us’.

 

This is the grandest illusion which creates more emptiness and incompletion, and co-creates more emptiness and completion for and with other people as well.

 

It’s a painful contagion.

Emotional Sensitivity Leads To Emotional Damage

As a child starting out in life you didn’t have the embodiment of integrated ‘self’ energy. You were a blank canvas reliant on the mirroring you received from outside of yourself in order to establish your own internal being.

 

As children we were all co-dependent – we had no ability to create, sustain or manage our own emotional energy.

 

Therefore the quality of parenting your received was crucial in creating your being. This created your perceptions of yourself, life and relationships with others at a deep cellular level.

 

Certain children’s personality makeups made them more susceptible to emotional damage than others. The more sensitive a child, the more emotionally affected, and the more trauma occurred.

 

It’s very important to understand this: subconscious programming was not created by actual ‘events’ – it was created by the child’s emotional perception of these events.

 

Make no mistake – both narcissists and co-dependents are sensitive individuals. In fact the most damage and wounded children of all are narcissists – they were the ones most vulnerable and sensitive.

Submerging one’s True Self and creating intense defence mechanisms (the False Self) is a horrific survival reaction to extreme emotional hurt.

 

How much emotional pain was perceived in order to completely disown and ‘kill off’ one’s True Self?

 

We can’t even begin to imagine…

Integrated Female And Male Energy

I’d like to explain to you what healthy Mother and Father Energy looks like and how it impacts our life – if we have this energy, and if we haven’t embodied this energy.

 

It’s important to understand – regardless of whether we are male or female – ideally we want to have balanced Male and Female energy within us. The balance of this energy is what allows us to be integrated beings.

 

These are the benefits of Healthy Integrated Mother Energy

• Unconditional self-love – total acceptance for self, flaws and all
• The ability to nurture and care for self in healthy ways
• Empathy, compassion and receptivity for self and others
• Forgiveness for self and others
• The ability to just ‘be’ and ‘relax’
• The connection to peace and joy
• Expressing creativity
• Heart connection with self, other individuals, life and nature
• Vulnerability, emotional authenticity and genuine intimate connections
• The ability to ‘go within’, meditate, heal and connect to and develop intuition, and one’s Soul and Inner Being
• Connection to Divinity, Reverence and ‘Oneness’

If we did not receive unconditional love and acceptance from our mothers, we learnt that we were not loveable as we are. We did not accept ourself as being ‘okay’. As a result we may believe we have to earn love – and can only be loveable if we are more aesthetically attractive, if we have a nicer nature, or if we do more things for people.

 

As adults we nurture and care for our own wellbeing the way our mother nurtured and cared for us. If our mother was always busy we believed ‘other things’ were so much more important than ourself.

 

If our mother always put herself last, we learned that we were not important and we weren’t worth our own care. If our mother neglected caring for us – we may have limited emotional ability to nurture and care for ourself, as well as other important people in our life.

 

If our mother tolerated abuse, deceit and bad behaviour, we may have taken on her level of deficient self-love, and learnt to also accept these malignant acts in our life. If our mother was abusive and hurt us significantly we may struggle to trust other females, and unconsciously act out self-sabotage and push away the female love we desire, or we may be attracted to relationships with females who also neglect, hurt and betray us.

 

If no matter how hard we tried, we could not gain our mother’s love and approval, we may choose people in our life who are also emotionally unavailable. Or we may push people away with our neediness and co-dependent demands, or we may reject or lose attraction to others who express their own emotional needs to us.

 

If your mother did not know how to take time out, connect with her Inner Being, and honour her own intuition you were not taught how to have a spiritual connection with yourself and life.

 

As a result you may not have learnt how to have compassion for yourself, how to trust yourself and how to connect to you own inner guidance. You may have always had your emotions and choices dictated to you by others, and found that no matter how much you tried to keep others happy it didn’t work. This meant you often ended up going against your truth and you lived within circumstances which were not healthy or fulfilling for you.

 

If we go back to the list of Healthy Integrated Mother Energy we may see that we’ve been miles away from comfortably settling into and being this energy. Which means we couldn’t enjoy the wellbeing of it, or attract more of it into our life.

 

If we have gaping Mother wounds within us, we have been in survival, we have been trying to get this wellbeing from outside of ourself – and exasperating these wounds as a result of drawing in and playing out more of these wounds.

 

Now let’s have a look at Healthy Integrated Father Energy.

These are the benefits:

• Unconditional self-value and self-worth
• The ability to encourage and inspire yourself
• The ability to feel safe in the world
• Knowing you can look after, provide for and protect yourself in life
• The confidence and ability to assert your own needs and desires
• Expressing and living your mission in life
• The resilience and strength to endure, create and ‘move forward’ in life
• The establishment of values, integrity and conscience
• Being responsible for self, and accountable to yourself, others and life
• Embodying and expressing humility with honour for self and care for others

Healthy male energy is strong and masculine, but it is NOT egoic.

Egoic energy is self-centred survival programs which are self-serving, fearful, competitive and insecure. Egoic actions create damage and separation rather than security and care to self and others. ‘Security’ being the epitome of male energy – but certainly not exclusively in a materialistic / commercial sense.

 

If your father was critical and punished you, your self-worth and self-value was damaged. Rather than support, inspire and encourage yourself healthily you will self-criticise and self-punish when you don’t believe you have lived up to the standards which may deem you as ‘valuable’ or ‘worthy’.

 

You may believe you are only acceptable for the money you earn, the career you have, and the acquisitions you own. You may believe people can only love you if you have ‘certain things’ and you constantly compare yourself against other people who have ‘less’ and ‘more’.

 

If this happened to you, you may want to try to impress other people to gain their acceptance, or you will attract people who always judge you as ‘not good enough’, or you will attract individuals who simply connect to you for material and superficial benefit.

 

No matter how much recognition, appreciation or approval you gain from others, it may feel like a bottomless pit, because you never feel ‘good enough’.

 

If your father was not protective and didn’t help you feel safe in the world, you may feel constantly anxious, unsafe, fearful of people and new opportunities, or of not having enough security – and doubt your ability to keep yourself safe and secure in the world.

 

You may have a tendency to attract people who you think will grant ‘security’, but who will damage, punish you and create insecurity and lack of safety instead.

 

If your father did not display integrity, the ability to be humble, accountable or genuine with himself and others, you may struggle with accountability, or you may have a tendency to attract others who reflect this lack of authentic realness, or you may sabotage relationships with those who are genuine and accountable people.

 

If your father placed accomplishment as a value that overrode emotional connection and concern for others, you may take on this tendency, or may rebel against achievements, become unmotivated and resist pursuing your personal mission in life. You may draw partners with either of these imbalances.

 

If you father was flaky and a poor provider and achiever, you may take on these deficiencies, or counteract by being excessively driven instead.

 

When we review the list of Healthy Integrated Father Energy we may see that we may have been miles away from comfortably settling into and being this energy. We have not been able to enjoy the comfort and security of this energy, or attract it healthily into our life.

 

If we have gaping Father wounds within us, we have been in survival, we have been trying to get this solidness from outside of ourself – and exasperating these wounds as a result of drawing in and playing out more of these wounds.

 

Your New Life Moving Forward

We need to understand this….

 

Relationship is YOU.

 

Your relationships are reflecting back to you YOURSELF.

 

They are all a ‘playing out’ of your internal Mother / Father energy.

What this means is we need to stop looking to the outside for other people to fix our Mother / Father wounds.

 

The truth is these people can’t.

 

They have their own wounds going on – their wounds are not your responsibility, and your wounds are not their responsibility.

 

If you are in a relationship with another conscious individual then absolutely you can both take responsibility for your own childhood wounds and then support that person with love and compassion as they heal their wounds – whilst simultaneously working on your own.

 

This is the essential formula for two wounded people healing together to form a successful and healthy relationship.

 

If you don’t have this formula, and you are currently in a toxic and unhealthy relationship then you DON’T have a functional relationship.

 

And you DON’T have the possibility of a future one with this person, if they have no ability or desire to look at, claim and work on their childhood wounds.

 

If you are single, you are in the perfect position to work on your wounds and then attract in new people who are going to reflect back to you your new liberated state of being.

 

These relationships include friendships, work partnerships, love partners and even acquaintances who will be at a healthier and higher vibration than the relationships you experienced previously.

Please don’t think you have to be perfect.

 

You are never going to be.

 

The truth is in any relationship you will still have wounds to confront and heal, no matter how ‘healthy’ you are.

 

This is the very purpose of relationships – to assist you to grow, heal and evolve.

 

Then the genuine love experienced in these relationships is determined by how successfully healing, growth and evolution takes place.

 

How well that goes is the true measure of connection, intimacy, bond and trust two people can achieve with each other.

 

Romantic, idolised, perfect or idealistic ‘love’ without relaising the self-evolution reason for relationships (personal growth) is not real love.

 

Such relationships are modelled on neediness, co-dependency and self-avoidance, and they grow apart and not together.

 

If you know you have patterns, intense fear, pain and dysfunction which have not been working for you, it is foolhardy to consider a love relationship until you clean these up – because if you don’t you will simply receive and / or conduct yourself as these wounds.

If you commit to healing your wounds and take full responsibility to do so, THEN you will be able to attract, accept and cooperate in a relationship which is healthy enough to heal and grow within.

 

That is what a spiritual ‘soul mate’ relationship is – it is a relationship that is not trapped in egoic survival, emotional deception and power struggles – it is a relationship of sharing emotional authenticity, mutual growth and the co-creation of wonderful evolution.

How To Heal Your Childhood Wounds

I am not a fan of contemporary therapy in any shape or form – and I don’t mind being outspoken about this.

 

The reason is because ‘talk’ therapy and simply receiving ‘information’ is only scraping the surface, and usually re-traumatises people, because all one does is re-live the pain with no healing or true resolution of the wounds.

 

This is why people spend years in therapy, and often after spending thousands of dollars experience no real change in their life. Generally medication for the emotional suffering is the only solution, because the cause of the pain has not been genuinely healed.

 

Wouldn’t it be MUCH more appropriate to go straight to the subconscious wounds and actually release and heal them?

 

Of course it is – because that is how people actually heal.

 

In regard to the shifts I did with my childhood wounds 5 months ago, if I didn’t have a tool to access my subconscious painful charges and belief systems, and had seen a therapist instead – I know I would still be having weekly sessions discussing my painful childhood, and I would still be carrying the pain, and still experiencing disconnection with my parents.

 

I know this because I used to go to contemporary therapy (years ago) and I have dealt with thousands of people who have also been going over ‘the story’ of their childhood and relationship pain for years with no end in sight.

 

Resolution is never created by recounting the ‘story’ – it is about releasing the emotion of what happened.

 

I have heard of some therapists who have provided results – and this is my consensus regarding this incredibly rare exception to the rule. These therapists use deeper processes which can work on the subconscious, or the people who saw these therapists gained ‘guidance’ and then did their own subconscious shift work – or (even rarer still) there is a tiny percentage of the community who through logical information can line their subconscious up with their cognitive mind and shift at a being level without working directly on their subconscious.

 

Which is pretty incredible – when all of us at around age 12 experienced the gateway between our subconconscious mind and conscious mind firmly shutting off.

 

The only people who can experience what I would call ‘cognitive spontaneous healings’ are those who have very few (if any) survival programs operating which have created defence mechanisms.

 

Defence mechanisms are resistance – they are ‘guards’ against past, current and future hurt. If we have zero resistance (such as when we were ‘open’ and innocent children) information can go straight from our logical mind down into our subconscious and change us at a being level.

 

If we have resistance in the way that is impossible.

 

Who on earth doesn’t have a ton of resistance (fear and pain) after being narcissistically abused?

 

Our survival programs are hugely invested in hanging on to the data of the past, applying that to future dangers that could appear in our present and future, and beta function (survival brainwave) is highly activated.

 

In survival reaction mode there is no access to the subconscious mind in order to release painful energy, obtain healing, embody peace or create new realities.

 

In order to heal our childhood programs we need to understand our life is created from our subconscious belief systems. These are NOT logical, and we would never knowingly choose the ones which have continued to manifest pain in our life.

 

These are the ‘less than’ thoughts / feelings we had about ourself, others and life – especially the ones we have strong painful emotional charges with. These belief systems are stored information in our subconscious which dictate powerfully what and who we attract and who we are being in our life.

 

So how do we change a belief system?

 

The answer is simple – we release the emotional charge from it.

 

When we do this we can remember an event, but it no longer has any emotional power over us. This means we are no longer wired into the negative belief system on this topic.

 

This means we are no longer an attraction force for it – and we no longer behave like it.

 

To do this work we have to be willing to go inside, access the emotional pain and follow it back to the belief system, and release the emotional charge.

 

Then we are free of it.

 

This requires self-humility and it takes vulnerability.

 

Obviously this means we have to admit we have inner wounds.

 

It means acknowledging we are wounded inner children, we do have internal emotional defects, and we are going to meet these wounds with love in order to release them.

 

We are NO different from our forebears – our parents and their parents and so on and so forth – they were wounded ‘children’ as well…. BUT are we going to keep carrying the wounds of the past?

 

That is the real question…

 

And are we going to keep passing them on from generation to generation – or are we going to stop the painful cycle here at ourself?

 

Once we meet our wounds with love in order to release them, we free ourselves from the painful emotional anchors of the past, and we then have available energy to create the healthy realities that we do wish to model our present and future life on.

 

It is very important to understand that when you are carrying painful emotional energy, your analysis of yourself, life and other people on this painful topic can only be analysed within the ‘set’ of painful chemicals you are producing in your mind and body.

 

You are in fact locked into the way you think, feel and behave on this topic.

 

So many people want to think a different way in order to feel better. Your chemical composition just doesn’t work easily like that – in fact approaching your healing from that angle takes enormous effort.

 

IF you release the emotion first, however, then easily and naturally you have access to better thoughts and feelings (more evolved perceptions) on this topic.

 

In fact instantly…

 

That is what emotional freedom looks like and feels like…

 

This is what Quanta Freedom Healing is all about.

 

The new Transforming Your Family Of Origin Wounds mini-course grants you a step-by-step format to make lists of the people you carry emotional charges on, access your related childhood wounds, and explains how to target them in a particular order – as well as providing the Quanta Freedom Healing process which works directly on your subconscious to release them.

 

Then through the Quanta Freedom Healing process you can download and integrate the Healthy Female and Male Energy to fill the space where the painful beliefs once were.

 

Previously painful beliefs, which were running your life, are released and upgraded to solid ones which do serve you within minutes.

 

Many people emailed me last week wanting to know if they should do the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program as well as this mini-course.

 

This is my answer…

 

If you are recovering from a narcissistic intimate partner relationship then NARP is essential.

 

There are so many hooks and addiction phenomenon which occur as a result of narcissistic love relationships, and NARP covers releasing these from your subconscious mind extensively.

 

Then after doing so, absolutely this mini program will be a wonderful addition to clean up the Family of Origin wounds which brought you to the narcissistic relationship – in order to really heal your pattern of abuse.

 

For those who are not currently on the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program I will be releasing a special bundle for both courses at a very reasonable price… so stay tuned for that next week.

 

If you suffered a narcissistic Family of Origin relationship, and not an intimate partner relationship then there is a choice. If you have been able to detach and create No Contact or Modified Contact and honour yourself with the Family of Origin narcissist(s) then you could simply do TFOOW.

 

If you are still being abused, and feel hooked, guilty or responsible toward the Family of Origin narcissist(s) then I would strongly suggest that you do specific NARP Modules (focusing on the FOO narcissist) and then do TFOOW once you have completed those healings.

 

Next week, I will release this new mini-program as well as the wonderful testimonies from those individuals who have already trialled it.

 

I hope you now feel a lot of hope in regard to the deep healing and recovery you will be able to achieve when you liberate your childhood wounds.

 

It is a great desire of mine that you can sense how this mini-program will be able to change your life (as it has mine) in incredible ways.

 

I look forward to your comments and any questions you may have about this article.