Step 4: Release And Heal The Pain Of The Injustice And The Betrayal

Step 4: Release And Heal The Pain Of The Injustice And The Betrayal

This is part 4 of the 10 Steps To Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse series.

After working on forgiving yourself and life for what you went through – you will discover that you feel much more peaceful. You have the ability to be in the present without the agonising regret of your past.

It would be usual to find that much of your energy is no longer tied up in beating yourself up about the mistakes you made – and you have a greater acceptance regarding healing and empowering yourself and knowing this process is meant to be.

You may have also noticed that doors have started opening for you, doors that represent your future, and you feel you are able to direct more energy and even enthusiasm toward creating your new life.

You may also feel a greater strength and warmth inside you, knowing that you are starting to feel what it really is to love and accept yourself.

Step 4: Release and Heal the Pain of the Injustice and the Betrayal

Now it is time to consider the next step of your healing journey. The next one, step 4 is about releasing and healing the pain of the injustice and the betrayal.

This is a powerful step, because it breaks you free from the belief and the illusions that your identity, life and the creation of yourself is controlled by what other people do or don’t do to you.

We all know that narcissistic behaviour is unthinkable and is void of morality. When we take the behaviour personally and ‘make it about us’ – we take on the pain, anguish and the trauma of this behaviour.

We take it inside us.

This is incredibly damaging.

Please understand we are human, and before understanding this lesson it seemed natural to be affected by this behaviour in agonising ways.

Your reeling in the pain of the injustice and the betrayals, is one of the most deadly hooks the narcissist has in his or her arsenal against you.

You see, by sucking you into the pain of what he or she did, the narcissist has power over you. The thoughts and feelings that result keep you powerless to break away emotionally, and you are unable to focus on yourself and your own needs.

This ensures that your attention is firmly planted on what he or she is, or is not up to.

That is what narcissistic supply is all about.

Once you have worked through the previous 3 steps you will now be ready to really put the work in to this step.

Step 4 of the recovery process is about purging yourself of the pain of the narcissist’s behaviour - that could keep you in anger, resentment and despair - so that you can break even further away from the narcissistic muck.

This means that when the narcissist behaves immorally, lies, fabricates stories to discredit you, projects on to you and gaslights you, you will have reclaimed enough of your foundation of truth to not react with painful thoughts or statements of “How could he or she do that to me.”

You won’t try to get accountability, sensibility validation, and you won’t be interested in getting even or getting revenge.

You won’t try and prescribe to the narcissist or try make him or her understand ‘you are right’ and ‘he or she is wrong’.

What do you do instead?

You detach…

When you achieve this step you no longer allow the narcissist's injustices and betrayals to derail you. You graduate to state of mind where the narcissist’s behaviour no longer affects you. You accept that he/she behaves this way because they he or she is narcissist and this cannot be changed.

It is SO true when ‘what someone did’ has an effect on your emotionally – they still have power over you.

Yet when we reach a detached level of indifference they simply don’t.

That is what this healing step is all about.

Remember energetic law from last week?

If we stay stuck in ‘what the narcissist did to us’, then we will continue to attract more of their behaviour that we are focused on into our experience.

This means we will manifest into our life more betrayals and injustices from the narcissist.

Narcissists cannot keep doing what they do to you when you no longer hand over attention or emotional energy. This healing step is about disconnecting that energy chord that has been feeding the narcissist.

Once you do this the narcissist will stop receiving narcissistic supply and will be forced to move onto the next person.

What you will discover by dedicating yourself to this step of your healing process, is not only will you release the pain of the injustice and the betrayals of the acts of the narcissist, but also the pain of the injustices and betrayals in your past – the ones that were still energetically playing out and created the attraction of the continuation of the pattern of abuse and pain in your life.

You will feel a freedom within yourself once you release and transform these emotions, and you will deeply know that you are no longer a match for this pattern of injustice and betrayal.

And you will start to understand that no-one and their behaviour has any power over you – because you know how to be responsible for your own wellbeing.

You may have believed that hanging on to the pain was keeping you safe, but after working on this step of your recovery and making the ‘shift’ out of the pain – you will experience a level of peace and safety that far surpasses what you have previously felt and experienced.

Because you now know you can observe such behaviour, honour yourself, create boundaries and say ‘No!’ (without fear and pain) to what is no longer your truth.