** From Being Trapped To Your Personal Freedom **

By Melanie Tonia Evans

Today I am writing this article in the most gorgeous cliff top restaurant in Phuket. The view is spectacular, the breeze is cooling, music is playing and I can hear the sea.

No matter what the outside world used to see “about me” I never felt confident and safe. I might have appeared to be, but nothing could have been further from the truth.

The reason I want to write this, is I know how many of you feel knocked flat off your feet as a result of being abused, or maybe like me you never felt safe doing certain things in the world, and narcissistic abuse just made all of those insecurities even worse.

During this article, I hope I can inspire you to break free from being trapped into your freedom. Because truly I know that if I could accomplish this, after being as fearful as I was – anyone can – no matter how hard it is, and no matter how shattered you feel right now.

I promise you there are ways to break this down and navigate through stuck emotions and situations.

It is my deepest wish, by sharing my story and what I did to break out of my trapped state, that you will find the way to do so also …

Parenting In Relation to Generating Freedom

For those of you who are parents, I really want you to understand how important it is to not always try to protect your kids from stuff.

My parents were always very concerned, and very protective. Anything that would help me, or save me, they were only too willing to do.

My parent’s model was patriarchal. Dad was in control of the important decisions, finances and organisation for the things “in the world.” I truly believed “worldly stuff” was men’s business. My mother was fabulous in the kitchen, with food, family organisation, special events, keeping a clean and tidy house … and anything else was Dad’s domain.

Of course the generation my parents came from was all about men protecting women and taking care of financials and business. My family certainly wasn’t the only family doing it. My parents were generous, helpful and “always there to assist” my issues and hassles. The problem with all of this was, I grew up very immature in regards to knowing I was capable of looking after myself. When it came to expanding out into anything more than day-to-day management, I was literally terrified and lacked confidence.

Like many women, I grew up with the beliefs that I needed a man to provide me with my life – my security, my structure, the decision-making power, and the broad shoulders to take control when anything out of the ordinary cropped up, or when there was new territory to forge.

As an adult, I still felt like a little girl who needed help. To this day, there are still parts of me that feel like that … the difference now is that I evolve these parts continuously. I don’t let them sabotage me anymore. I take them on in order to grow into a confident, resourceful woman in her own right.

Please don’t get me wrong, it’s lovely for a guy to take charge and want to be a “rock” to his partner – but it’s not healthy for any woman when she is dependent on it. And it’s certainly not healthy when she will cling on to a sinking ship because she is so terrified of letting go and coping independently.

Inevitably, I used to look for big strong men who could take care of me. Unfortunately, in later years the pattern got worse and worse, and these men had hubris, massive egos and of course narcissism. What I mistook as confidence and a reliable character was in fact arrogance and an intensely insecure persona.

Previously, to try to retain my security and safety, I handed over my power to these men, tried to appease them and tried to keep them connected to me, because I thought that was the only way I could feel safe in the world.

I thought I needed them by my side, and I literally felt like I would die without them.

Naturally, these men did not grant me safety. Rather, they granted me a super serve of the parts of myself that I wasn’t healing – those insecure, broken parts that were trapped in terror in the world.

Subconsciously I wasn’t looking for a “partner,” I was looking for a “parent.” And when times got tough I wasn’t showing up as a grown, mature woman; instead I was showing up as a powerless, helpless little girl trying to make abusers responsible for my wellbeing.

Second time around with narcissistic abuse, and having landed flat on my behind again, I had to face these trapped parts – otherwise I was never going to be free of them.

I knew I was trapped in fear.

Was I able to care for and create for myself and my life regardless of what specific people were or weren’t doing? No …

Was I able to be my authentic self and glow it in the world? No …

Was I showing up in life without fear of rejection, punishment, abandonment, or the horror of “what could go wrong?” No …

Was I free? No …

I was trapped – horribly trapped.

I had no idea where my life was going, how I was going to continue, or how or where anything would end up.

This was pretty ironic, because for all the security and safety I had been so fixated on trying to secure, now I had none whatsoever.

Of course this “irony” was all about my spiritual and soul development – the development of my True Self – which initially I was too devastated to accept. And I needed to, because the first stage of being able to evolve into personal freedom requires accepting this.

Yet, even when we know enough to know that the call to our own evolution is on the table, it can still feel completely terrifying.

Knowing True Freedom Is The Goal Regardless

I think we’ve all asked ourselves the following question on an everyday level, as well as on a huge personal level.

“Am I going to stay lying down, or am I going to get up?”

Sometimes we lie down, and don’t want to get up – and then there are the times when we know the game will be over if we don’t get up.

Like yourself, I’ve had those times.

I’ve spent a lot of my life “getting up.” And to be frank, I’m a little tired of “getting up” as a result of repeat disasters; I’d rather put my self-effort now into forging new frontiers.

For this reason, I am grateful beyond measure for my second narcissistic abuse experience, because I hadn’t quite cracked my first recovery. I acknowledged that I had missed stuff, when I was being honest with myself, after realising I had to get up again.

Again, I had undergone trauma, loss, and been stripped back to a mere shell of myself. Frighteningly, I had had suicidal thoughts again, and now I was again terrified to face the world. Most of all I was terrified again of my shattered emotions, and being triggered or re-traumatised.

Every single part of my fearful self wanted to crawl up into a ball, and take a general anaesthetic for months so that I didn’t have to face myself or life.

Yet, I knew enough about how the system of life, quantum physics and Law of Attraction work to know trying to protect and hunker down was NOT the answer. I knew this would only throw me into depression, make me “dissolve” instead of “evolve,” and would inevitably keep drawing into my life precisely what I was trying to protect myself from.

This was it, this was the time of “stay down or get up” – I knew I had to break FREE, truly FREE, for the first time AUTHENTICALLY in my life.

I knew the only way I was going to break truly free was to develop myself to have the openness, creativity, innocence, love and joy of a child, with the solidness of love, acceptance, integrity and maturity of an adult … finally.

I had to become a powerful light that could dissolve darkness; my own darkness (fear and pain) and the darkness I had been co-generating in the world. I wrote about this in last week’s article  

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People.

I also knew enough to know this – “thinking” wasn’t going to create this transformation for me. I had to work directly on my shattered, traumatised subconscious.

During this time in my life, I had started listening to Dr. Joe Dispenza’s audio seminar on “Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself” and he spoke about a woman he met on a plane, who had adopted an Asian girl from overseas. This little girl was found abandoned and almost dead, taken in by an orphanage, and in the first few years of her life moved to several orphanages. When she had been picked up to be adopted, she was completely traumatised and became violently ill.

Her mother spoke to Joe about how her daughter as an adult was so smart and had many degrees, yet she had tried to commit suicide a few times, despite years of therapy. Joe said to her, “None of that will help her. Only healing her subconscious programs will.” This was because this little girl’s subconscious was stuck in the trauma of “I will be abandoned and die.”

Joe Dispenza’s message seared in my consciousness.

I knew I had to finally find and up-level my subconscious programs which were making me so dependent, so fearful, and feel like I was dying if I had to create my own life. The programs that I had conveniently been able to cover up most of my life with addictions, such as smoking, alcohol, crackers, workaholism and clinging to terrible relationships.

I knew that nothing on the outside was coming to save me. There was no big, strong, magical man coming to grant my security – when I wasn’t being that to myself. I knew a wonderful solid, reliable, authentic guy could come and add more to me one day, and life could co-generate support and abundance with me, but certainly not if I was dependent on these components to be “me” (my own safety).

I knew I had to be in the world with my own solid, happy and secure emotions in order to be free … The security need to be “inwards” before it could be generated “outwards.”

My goal of feeling secure, open hearted and flowing in the world (free) – regardless of how battered, shattered and “dying” I felt – became my only choice if I wanted to truly live.

Preparing To Be Free

I knew that once I started doing the shifts and changing my Inner Identity that I would and could generate many co-operative parts from life to help me expand – but not until I had achieved vital shifts first.

This I know with all my heart – we have a choice. We can choose to remain small, fearful, and stuck in negative emotions or we can evolve ourselves.

I chose to believe what Quantum Physics teaches us – that there is a base note, a wave function of wellbeing that connects to the entire Field – that we are a part of, that we can access, if we release the parts of us that have separated us from it.

If we are not connected to this flow of wellbeing we can change ourselves so that we can be. We feel it emotionally when we are not connected to this stream; because the further apart we are from this connection, the more it hurts and the more hopeless and painful life is.

The biggest issue that people face in connecting with this stream is “believing my life will only be better when this or that happens.” 

That is not how we create life. We create life by creating an Inner Beingness first, and then outer conditions shift to match this.

This can’t be created via the normal human model of looking outwards and mere thinking. It is created via a surrender to a deep spiritual journey of inwardly developing ourselves.

Our connection is not created from “what is;” it is created by “who we are being” despite “what is.”

Because I had decided to again evolve myself (more completely and determinedly this time), and I was totally dedicated, the Law of Attraction was lining up all of the messages to help me. One of these was an interview I listened to quoting Nelson Mandela.

When Nelson Mandela was asked what he did for all those years before he was released, he said, “I prepared every day for what I’d do when I’d be free.”

I was so inspired … and I realised this powerful truth: “If we prepare in every way to achieve our goal, one day we will be living it.”

My goal was to be healthy, authentic, fearless and open-hearted in life. I wanted to be out of the prison of my negative emotions, terrors and painful beliefs.

I wanted to be free.

My preparation towards freedom had to start with inner freedom. It had to be orchestrated through the releasing and healing of the parts of myself that were keeping me constricted, guarded and shut down (in resistance) to the essential well-being of Life.

Despite my emotional self wanting to do nothing more than crawl under the covers and die, I pushed myself to “prepare.” I worked with Quanta Freedom Healing as my main tool every day, finding and clearing my faulty subconscious programs, and wailing the pain and fear out of my body to start creating space.

This was the most important part of my healing for vital reasons …

When we have stuck negative emotions (fear and pain) in our bodies, it does lots of nasty things. It clogs us up with toxicity. Our minds are thrown into a spin trying to deal with these trapped festering emotions. Additionally, the cells in our bodies are starved of nutrients and oxygen; we are stripped of energy, and we start breaking down emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. We become the internal environment to manifest dis-ease on every level.

Conversely, when we release all of that dense toxicity out of our body, we open up space for wellbeing. Oxygen and nutrients can enter our cells. We now have energy and can start making healthy choices to look after ourselves. We become fitter, healthier and we start looking younger.

And because the negative dense emotions just aren’t there anymore, our minds are not stuck in a continual loop of agonising over these emotions. The density is replaced with “space,” which opens up inside us to allow the flowing in of inspiration, progress, solutions, hope, joy and dreams.

Then “space” is opened up for opportunities to start coming towards us from outer life to match our inner organic wellbeing. And we are in enough grace and flow to recognise and accept these gifts.

And this is regardless of how badly things were previously playing out in our life – via events or even other people – they MUST shift to match our healthier inner state. The resources, permutations and possibilities of life are endless. Where there seemed “no way”, a  “way” can and will appear to release the toxic situation.

So my total goal was “Get That Junk OUT!!”

And I slogged it out every single day. I felt the pain in my body, and released it outwards. It was intense, I was determined, and there was no way known I was going to leave that junk inside me anymore.

I had had enough.

And my work on myself, did not stop there …

I was determined to cover all bases, and give myself every chance I could to become well-being; so I went and got blood tests done, and found some experts to help me with levels and supplements to help physically support my emotional transformation.

I made my recovery holistic.

I started walking every day and took up yoga. I wrote gratitude lists and started telling myself, “I love you, I’m proud of you, I’m here for you, Melanie” straight into my eyes every time I went into the bathroom.

Naturally at first I didn’t believe these words, but each time I cleared more and more of the self-hatred, self-sabotage and self-punishment stuff out of my body with Quanta Freedom Healing, the space opened up for it to become organically real.

For well over a year now I can say this straight into my eyes, and my heart fills up every time with love.

What I now know is that profound self-love and self-acceptance is in fact normal; it’s our naturally coded state. It’s just the horrible dense emotions trapped in our bodies, and our disconnection to wellbeing, that creates “who we are being” as abnormal.

It’s Not A Quick Fix

Nelson Mandela’s words kept inspiring me. I thought if he could do it, with how trapped he was, my freedom was very doable.

I knew my destiny would be as certain as his – the becoming of Who I Really Am, if I just kept going in order to create myself as a co-operative component with the wellbeing of Life.

Please know, I still keep going every day. It’s not like I reached a destination and said, “Yay, I’ve arrived!” There is no destination – only the ongoing process of freeing ourselves to connect to more and more wellbeing.

I can feel many of you saying, “But HOW! I have this (whatever it is) happening! I AM trapped!” Truly, I want you to hang in there, because I want you to DEEPLY understand this: There are miracles, there is freedom available – but YOU have to be the creator of it inside yourself first.

And THEN no matter how hopeless your situation seems – it must transform to match you – because that is Universal Law.

I will answer specific “trapped situations” when I respond to the messages people have posted on Facebook later in this series, and I know that will help explain it further too.

Click here to join my Facebook page

Inner transformation initially is tough. It takes guts and commitment. I remember, at first, there were days when I would walk along the beach tears streaming down my face feeling like the walls of trying to live were caving in on me.

There were days when the last thing I wanted to do was feel my emotions and do Quanta Freedom Healing shifts, take vitamins, or get my yoga mat out. There were days when it felt preferable to give up.

But, I knew I had a choice …

Roll over and give in to my crippling self-condemning trapped emotions of “Look at you, Melanie. It’s happened to you again. Now you’re back at square one, you’re approaching 50 years of age – you’re a total loser. You’ll never be loved, you’ll never be safe, your life is over.”

Or…

I could use this experience that my soul had decided I needed in order to evolve – to do exactly that …

evolve …

Truly, I can’t stand feeling emotionally crippled. I know it’s not right, and I know it’s not The Truth. I know many people who are into personal development feel the same – it’s just not acceptable to feel like your soul is dying every day …

Truly it is NOT our lot in life, and it’s NOT normal.

And we don’t need to accept it as such.

But my goodness, if we have been living like this as “normal” and if our fears and unfinished, unhealed wounds have led us there – and we end up being narc abused – we have to do the work to get out of being trapped in order to be free. Some people can do this easily, but for most mere mortals like you and me, we can’t.

We have to put in effort, and make it as important as fighting for our life.

Because truly we are.

This takes time, it takes effort – but what ELSE is there to do if we want a New Life?

What Are We Really Evolving?

I have been so grateful to play such a pivotal part in other people’s recovery as well as my own – because I have learnt so much about the depths of our Inner Identity (subconscious) and what is really going on when we feel small, stuck and trapped.

This I know …

The terrified, agonised and victimised parts of us are always young crippled parts that need to develop, and they carry subconscious wounds and false beliefs which are sabotaging our freedom.

We also have not as yet harnessed the power of Law of Attraction to help us. We are snapped off, and “small” fighting to survive in life, instead of being connected to the big Universal flow of wellbeing.

As such, we don’t have access to joy, gratitude, inspiration, miracles and helpful synchronicity. Life can’t “help us” when we are “disconnected.”

We need to understand life “from the inside out” to generate freedom and expansion. We need to become our own best emotional partner, healer and guru to create ourselves as our True Self (at one with life).

We can all do this … we are in fact all coded to do this, if we take on living life from the inside out – because that is the only place our True Power lies.

Many people think this means separating from life even more, because you become “an island,” independent of other people. Sadly, some people think that having focus on self first (not handing power over) is intensely selfish and self-absorbed.

Self-awareness and self-partnering is NOT self-absorption. Self-absorption is in fact a dire lack of self-awareness and self-partnering.

When you create a healthy, radiant, self-loving foundation of self, and are able to live life as creation through your open heart, you will connect, love and give more than you ever have – in authentic ways. You will also attract more genuine love and wellbeing than you previously knew was possible.

And you will finally be free to be You in the world without fear, because you finally feel secure, joyful and powerful.

It can be very helpful to know this essential truth: “Life is always granting you back more of yourself.”

Here are some examples to help you understand this:

If you are self-critical people will criticise you …

If you are scared and contracted, Life will grant you scary situations, people and events that diminish you further …

If you are failing to love yourself unconditionally, life will deliver you messages of non-acceptance and unloving behaviours.

The truth is there is “no outside.” We are all connected to the Quantum Base Note, and we are either in the wellbeing flow, or getting smashed against the rocks.

This we must also deeply know; if we are getting smashed into the rocks, there is something we need to heal and evolve to connect back into the natural flow. And if we resist that necessity then the rocks are just going to beat us up harder.

Because we are not accepting the truth that will set us free.

Resistance to the “lesson” is futile. I know now without a doubt (because I’m committed to the inner work) that life only offers us blessings, no matter how the package is disguised, because “life” is the constant feedback loop showing us where we are with ourselves, and what we need to heal and release in order to be the truly expansive, joyous, free, deserving beings we are naturally coded to be.

Resistance to the message is a human condition. It looks like this – hating our life, and having a ton of regret. Victimisation includes despising our negative emotions, blaming and shaming ourselves and others.

In stark contrast even with our crumbling emotions and life we CAN be “conscious” (aware of the truth). We can accept deeply in the very depths of our soul (which recognises truth) the following …

“This happened for a reason – a glorious reason to help me break free into a much higher aspect of myself than I have ever been before. This happened so that I COULD come home to the stream of wellbeing, which is my birthright, and know myself as my own generator of life directly with life.”

And … “If I accept this, no matter how tormented and torn up I am right now, I can start preparing myself to be the person I truly want to be and live the life I truly want to live.”

I believe what makes us incredible is we do have free will (we are never truly trapped), because we can decide.

But we need to get out of the quick fix mentality that people can do with personal development. Such as “It’s not working for me” after one hour, day or week. Or they put in a half-hearted effort and expect results, and then just default back to emotional bandaids, such as constant victimised venting, drinking, Facebook, pills, never being alone, multiple relationships, sexual liaisons … or whatever it takes to numb out the pain and never deal with it.

Then these people wonder why the painful patterns continue.

I promise you – I was one of these people.

Imagine if Nelson Mandela had given up … Imagine If Mother Theresa had thrown away her vision. Imagine if Helen Keller had never bothered.

These people did not make it through some crazy random synchronistic event. They deeply, deeply hung on to their dream, and who they wanted to be in the world. They did the work on themselves, they put in the effort and they became the change they wanted to live.

They worked hard to release every fear that stood in the way of their freedom.

That is exactly what personal evolution is.

Being Trapped Versus Expanding

Life, Creation and the Universe all expand. We are all connected to the quantum energy of this as “life-force.” We are supposed to expand, we are supposed to grow, and when we don’t it hurts profoundly – because it goes against every essence of our being.

I believe that when we aren’t expanding towards our True Selves, and we take another turn – especially when we know it intuitively and our fears cause us to sell our soul out – the self-correction mechanism is severe disappointments, and hard emotional wake-up calls.

Awakening from our trance requires the acceptance: “The life I thought I was living is NOT my truth.”

This means we have to let go of regret, in order to reach for the truth.

I’d like to share with you my personal “security / fear laden vision.” It was this: “I’m going to meet a man, fall in love, have a wonderful house, decorate it divinely, create a gorgeous garden, and have dinner parties with friends.”

Now I look back and realise how this was NOT my true soul path.

The dreams of my soul really are: raising consciousness on the planet in the best way I can, travelling, expanding opportunities and connections, having incredible life experiences, and knowing on my death bed “I really did this. I made a difference. I went all the way!”

This is not to say a wonderful man, home, garden and dinner parties can’t be a part of this – they certainly can – but they are NOT the essence of my True Life – they are only additions.

These things when they were required to “give me myself” were fearfully about security, survival, possessions and ownership. They were “things” that I thought could save me from the agony of my own fears.

You see, I wasn’t free, not in the slightest. I was attached and dependent, and always handing over my power to try to feel protected and cared for.

If these things were my truth, they would have worked out – as they do for many people whose truth is those things.

This you need to accept – if your life has not worked out the way you wanted it to, you have to let it go. You have to be prepared to clean the fear and pain out of yourself so that the truth can appear. Then I promise, you will overjoyed with the truth. You will be totally relieved the old “dream” didn’t work out.

Please know this takes time, the answer is not going to appear overnight.

This is why it is VITAL to realise the greatest goal is always inwardly freeing yourself – because then all else comes.

You have to create the space inside you for “your real life” to come and for you to recognise it; it just doesn’t happen with the junk (& TMT) in the way.

Please understand the answers to “What is my life?” is not the much needed saviour. That would only be the creating of another False Identity … “I need ‘that’ to feel secure.”

The process of evolving yourself is the only true security.

Again – all else comes from doing that.

Naturally after being narcissistically abused, facing the fear and pain to let it go is terrifying. After all, we are in more fear and devastated emotions than we probably have ever been. But know this … expanding and being free requires opening our heart and flowing in life.

When we try to open our heart the pain is horrendous – however this is exactly the way to release the junk out. It’s like lancing an abscess, when you pop it it really hurts, and then the relief and healing comes. Quanta Freedom Healing (the tool I developed) is exceptional to reach, embrace and release trapped painful emotions. The supplements I use include exercise, yoga, Chi Gong and massage. You can use any tool that gets into your body and releases painful emotion out of it, such as EFT or kinesiology.

Ultimately, if you can learn how to be the director or your own healing shifts – this empowers you profoundly. Talking about the issues without body release does next to nothing – that is the truth. In fact, many times all it will do is regurgitate it and re-traumatise you, without getting a release and shift in consciousness.

We have to, have to, have to LET GO of the pain, fear, regret, shame, blame, resistance, judgement and victimisation – we need to get it OUT of our beings – in order to open our hearts so that we can break free and expand.

Yes, it will hurt like hell at first. But the benefits are this: FINALLY you can be free of the pain. FINALLY you can evolve from the life you were living to one that IS your truth.

I promise you this – in time, you will get to love the pain … not because you are a masochist, but because you know every time you feel the pain in your body and shift it out you have just opened up the space to connect to an even higher aspect of yourself.

My dear friend Ian, who I did an interview with some weeks ago and I had a discussion this morning. This is his mantra: “Thank you God / Universe for bringing me this trigger. I bless, accept and release to evolve and know ever expanding happiness.”

Ian is in his 60’s, and has been spiritually orientated in personal development for just over two years. He is really new to it, yet in this short time his life is unrecognisable to how it had always been – purely because he takes on the “inside out” orientation as a daily lifestyle. Every time he feels negative emotions, he drops into his body, finds it, up-levels it with QFH and expands.

Personally, I don’t know any other way to live life now either, and expansion enthrals me every day in ways that words can’t describe. I live it like I brush my teeth, or get dressed every day.

You have to know – it is so, so, so worth excavating out your pain – no matter how long it takes to get to this part of life.

When you get there, you will wonder how on earth you used to “do life” any other way.

Because finally you know you are free.

I still have triggers, I still have negative emotions, but I no longer avoid it or stew in it, try to analyse my way out of it, or accept is as “normal depression.” Instead I use it as the “message” direct from life and my soul – “Release who you are presently being, and become even more of Who You Really Are.”

How We Are Trapped

When we are trapped we are suffering feelings of powerlessness – in our situation, and / or our emotional state.

Our human tendency is to try to fix things outside of us in order to try to feel better.

That is the very definition of handing our power over, because there is no power outside of us, only inside of us.

Generally, we hand power over because we think we are dependent, that Life doesn’t have our back, and we can’t generate a change. We also feel like we will be annihilated if we let go and try to deal with our agonised emotions.

In this model, we have a limited ability to self-soothe or know how to evolve our emotions; we are powerless “children,” and we try to avoid ourselves frenetically by obsessing about things outside of us, and trying to get something or someone else to fix us – instead of becoming the inner change we wish to experience.

I have to concede, I had an advantage realising how life really works, because I had been deeply spiritual / energetic my whole life.

I believed in “life from the inside out,” I just wasn’t living it healthily.

For those of you who have never looked at life on an energetic / spiritual level – this is tougher. It’s hard and counter-intuitive initially to believe in “unseen forces” that don’t have physical proof attached to them.

You just need to take my word for it – or not. More than this, you need to live it to experience it.

This I know through my own life, and working over the last 7 years with thousands of people, that the “outside in” doesn’t work, only the “inside out” does.

When you do connect to the “inside out” approach, rather than connect with something horrible (the parts of yourself you are trying to avoid), immense relief starts to come instead. This is the by-product of loving ourselves enough to commit to partnering and healing ourselves. This has been witnessed in this community time and time again. In fact the posts from people doing the inner work and those who aren’t are like day and night in difference – the positive results are obvious, consistent and Universal.

When we are trapped, no matter how much you may not (now) agree with this assessment, the truth is: there are parts of ourselves that feel powerless that we can evolve.

The “outside events” are only a manifestation of inner powerlessness.

True power means realising and actualising: When I evolve my powerlessness then everything in my world will reflect back to me my True Power.

Then we are no longer trapped – we start generating change, and we become free.



Being The Generative Source Of Our Own Experience

When we try to affect change outside of ourselves we are powerless. In stark contrast, when we start generating inside of us the change that we want to see in our lives on any trapped topic, then, and only then, can our life start re-forming in new and healthier ways.

The people and situations that are no longer a match for our newly generated Inner Beingness start falling way, they lose the ability to act out against us. They lose power and influence, and the aspects of Life and people who match our truly connected inner power start showing up in their place.

One of the grandest illusions is that we need to “fight” and “control” the things that bring us pain. Yet, when we take the inner path of deep self-partnering and healing we discover that the only “thing” we needed to “fight” and “control” was ourselves.

We discover there were aspects of ourselves that were unhealed, which were allowing the displeasing and painful events in our life, and we realise that if these unhealed parts remain inside of us there is NO amount of “doingness” with combat, fear, righteousness or despair that will make up for our unhealed “Beingness.”

We discover that Life is happening through us on a Quantum Level.

One of the simplest examples of this is: if our Inner Being state remains traumatised, victimised and in despair – life via the narcissist and many other components will simply keep delivering more evidence of our internal beliefs about our devastated state.

When we understand how belief systems operate in our subconscious – we understand point blank “Whatever I believe about myself, life and others is EXACTLY what life brings to me.”

This is unconditional. Which means – it doesn’t matter what has happened up to this point, what is presently happening, and how these beliefs got there – they are generating the reality of your life to the letter.

So what is our REAL job then? To work deeply on our own beliefs regardless of what is presently happening to become the change we want life and others to deliver.

And in no way does this means we are going to sit in a cave “Ohming” to make all that happen. (Even though I promise you this is much more effective than trying to “do something about it” whilst your highly charged painful emotions are operating).

It means that we dedicate to the inner work, release the painful junk, and open up space for solutions. When we become an emotional match to the life we want to generate, the “right” inspiration, ideas and energy starts to emerge from within. Additionally, opportunities, support, synchronicities and solutions start to appear outside of us.

This shift occurs because the energy that we had tied up in emotional agony and survival gets released to become available for creation. And there is no comparison between the two. The first state is powerlessness and the second powerfulness.

Initially, living life from the “inside out” is counter-intuitive. We were taught to focus on “what is” and think that is the source of it all – rather than realising we are in fact powerful Energetic Creators for good or bad.

We weren’t educated about the truth – that the “outside” is only ever the symptom of the true cause – our internal beliefs.

As humans, our programming was incredibly susceptible and often flawed because we were brought up by many unconscious role models whose belief systems were flawed well before ours followed suit.

During this article, and whilst reading my responses, it is my greatest passion to bring through the truth, so that you can access and develop your true power centre and escape the highly compelling illusions of “being trapped.”

Here are the “trapped situations” and my responses.

How Can I Find Myself?

“I am completely lost. I have endured over 20 years of lies, manipulation and cheating along with the verbal, emotional, financial, sexual and physical abuse. I feel like I have been raped inside and out. I gave so much of myself for so long, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I feel like an empty shell, not knowing where to turn or what to do. How do I even begin to find myself?”

My response:

Please let me start by saying what you have been through is horrible, especially as it has happened for an extended period of time. When we are living with abuse constantly it becomes our “normal,” and often in these cases it isn’t until the inevitable discard, or something “so big” happens that we know we have to let go – that we even physically leave it.

A huge illusion we all lived is that people should treat us the way we treat them. This is what we were brought up to believe – to hand our power over and keep others happy and give to them was how to be a loving, giving person. And often we believe that it was necessary to “survive” – trying to appease a person just so that we could retain security and survival. Or maybe we believed that eventually our giving and self-sacrificing would pay off, and this person would “see the light.”

These are all some of the biggest illusions of humankind.

That’s not how the system of life operates.

People treat us identically to how we treat ourselves; which means how we really feel about our own inner security, loveableness and worth, and how we “show up” within those beliefs.

Your solution to “find you” is to dedicate to your inner world to release and heal every young part of yourself (from childhood) that believes you have to earn love, and that you are not essentially loveable and worthy.

Included in those beliefs are the ones that are limiting and stopping you from being the generative source of your own love, security and survival directly with life. (As I stated in my article last week these used to be HUGE for me, and were EXACTLY why I would cling on no matter how badly I was being abused).

Then you will up-level these false beliefs, embrace healthier ones, and integrate with your True Self and “find” yourself.

And you will understand that all of this has a much greater and higher purpose – your evolution into freedom – and you will realise exactly why this experience at this level happened for you, rather than to you.

Maybe Our Beliefs Are Generational and Traditional

“I come from a very traditional old school of thought. Marriage is for life, society will blame and shame. Women are blamed for any failures in their family, i.e. a woman makes or breaks the marriage. A man needs a firm hand thus if he is wayward and womanises it is the woman’s fault. She is not good enough … If the children misbehave it’s the mother’s poor upbringing skills. If the family is poor, the woman mismanaged the funds and not skilled to steer the ship towards richer shores … And society will tar and feather a woman who divorces from a ‘good man’ whose only vice is to womanise and occasionally hit her and verbally abuse her!!”

My response:

Belief systems do this: generate the validity of your belief to the letter in your life experience. I suggest vitally getting inside your body, accessing these painful beliefs and evicting them out of your body, and up-levelling them to something so much more self-loving and helpful – otherwise you will never be free to experience anything but those beliefs.

You DO NOT have to accept them as your personal life experience, regardless of who else decides they want to live these beliefs, and regardless of the evidence that “life” may grant.

Your personal experience has nothing to do with “the outside,” all of the components of life are poised to grant you the match of you Beingness on “the inside.”

If you continue embodying these beliefs – then you are “right” – they ARE your truth.

And you can fight for your limitation vehemently quoting any statistic, “what is,” or “the history of women,” and if you do then you have just cemented that limitation.

It’s much more pleasant and successful to be a pioneer of wellbeing – a powerful emotional Creator – not just for yourself, but for all others who cross your path.

That’s how we not only transform ourselves, it’s how we contribute to transforming our world – including the previous plight of women – one person at a time.

Deep Regret

“I have accepted the truth as to what was done to the kids, and I feel stuck, mourning, a life I wasted on Narcula. Because of the lifetime I can’t get back, and health now won’t permit me that chance. I can move forward but I still carry regret that runs deep!”

My response:

When you turn this “outside in” approach of looking at “what is” with deep regret, to the” inside out” approach of accepting and acting on the truth, “this happened for a self-healing reason,” then, and only then, with self-dedication and development, you can release every, every, every part of you that is in the agony of regret, self-recrimination, judgement, blaming, loss etc.

Then you will start opening up “space” without the “junk” (negative emotions) to connect to the inherent stream of wellbeing.

Then your emotional and then mental, spiritual and physical heath will improve.

Again, you can fight for your limitations “I’ve lost too much,” “My health can’t improve,” “It’s too late,” and even more firmly cement these beliefs as your truth.

If you choose to accept them, they will be your truth – without exception and without relief, and Life can only continue to 
disintegrate you, rather than integrate for you.

That’s how powerful a Creator you are.

Or … you can access your subconscious, get to the very bottom of these painful beliefs and release the negative charges out of your body, so that these beliefs are just Not Your Reality any more. Then you will have room for healthier beliefs.

We have the power to create our life as “devastated,” and we also have the power to create our life as “inspired,” “healing” and “expanding.”

It’s a choice.

Often when we believe we have lost everything, and there is nowhere left to turn, and we are in total despair, this is the best time to go within and self-partner. Because what else is there left outside us to cling to? I know, for me, that was exactly what happened … when every other option no longer existed, I finally came home – to me – for the first time in my life.

What have you got to lose? You already believe it is game over, so there is really nothing but “up” from here. Once you commit to the inner work, you will start to gain inner courage, strength and more motivation to keep going.

Feeling Stuck In Career Direction

“I want to break out on a new path. I feel this desire to find my true path and passion and make a real difference. The stuff I’ve been doing, which originally was my passion, is no longer satisfying. But I feel “stuck” in not yet knowing what my next step needs to be. I feel financially in need of the income, even though it’s not really allowing me to live comfortably anyway.”

My response:

With an energetic subconscious healing tool (maybe you are working with Quanta Freedom Healing – or not?) you can access the parts of yourself that are blocking you from the knowing and the expansion you seek. You can release these parts out and free yourself from them.

Truly it is that simple. Whatever we have stopping us from flowing forward into a desired expression of self is a block we have within us.

When we imagine the goal, and feel in resistance to it, we can feel into our body and find where it is, drop into it and allow our unconscious (which knows and remembers everything) to “tell us” what that block is really about.

We are all coded to understand how to do this – if we start using a technique and tool to ”self-discover.” That tool is implemented into every one of my healing programs.

When you find, release and up-level these previously limited parts of yourself, and replace them with the freedom, expansion and resourcefulness of your Highest Self (Source Connection) then you will organically flow forward and expand with somatic space, inspiration, and even excitement. Essentially, you are now a match for the highest expression of you – which is your already coded True Self.

Your True Self totally agrees with and generates the “calling” of what you want to experience. Your desire is your Soul saying, ”Hi, yes that’s RIGHT!”

Then your organic desire and soul truth will allow in the inspirations, opportunities, cues, signposts and synchronicities for you to generate Who You Really Are in the world.

In other words, Life will start bringing you “the next step” towards this truth.

Too Scared To Meet Someone

“I feel that although I’ve come a long way, I am stuck by not feeling willing to put myself out there to try and meet someone new. This winter was the first one in years that I did not suffer depression (SAD) that was mostly linked to my ex. Now that I finally feel good, I am kind of stuck because I don’t want to risk going through all of that again.”

My response:

Once we have up-levelled our previous dependent, powerless, young parts we know we can be open hearted, trust ourselves, speak up, and no longer suffer the handing our power over because of fear of rejection, attack or abandonment. And we no longer carry the survival fears that derailed us in the past.

When we are a healthy, mature, adult, developed self anchored in our own body – we are love without fear – but it takes development.

This is never about “who can I trust?” – that’s an illusion – it’s always about our own development to find and evolve these underdeveloped young fears that we still carry.

We may think that the narcissist was responsible for our feelings of being trapped, fearful, distrusting, depressed and powerless, but truly these pieces of us were already under the surface and were merely triggered up into consciousness by the narcissist.

We were already trying to do life from “the outside in” and were unknowingly dependent on other people and things for our sense of self. It’s just we were able to function up to this point like that. After the narcissist comes the game is up … we need to face those parts of ourselves that we had been avoiding.

The narcissist was really a divine catalyst showing you what you needed to heal. The truth is this: If that person hadn’t entered your life to help you heal – another person, carrying the identical “message” would have.

Your soul created this “for” you, and not “to” you.

Your dilemma means “more work to do on self.” The same is the truth for every fear blocking us from where we want to expand into – including self-love, love of Life (these need to come first) and then love with an intimate beloved.

Love is about fully opening our heart – it means being “in-love” as the essential foundation of our life. It means that we are living in a state of openness, grace, gratitude, joy and wonder with life and others.

When you fully mate with your own soul – then a soul-mate will appear in your life – as an extension of Who You Are Being.

Being Narc Addicted and Devastated

“I am trapped in the knowledge they had it all their way and have turned you into a shadow of yourself, feeling addicted to them and feeling like all options lead to painfulness for self. Trapped that they have got us emotionally dependant to them, annoyed by discovering the gut feelings were right.”

And …

“I can’t get over how absolutely hurt I feel over the whole situation. Hurt that he lied about loving me. Hurt that he discarded me. And hurt that he is repeating the cycle with someone new.”

And …

“I just could not believe what had happened to me. Truly shocking, heartbreaking, horrifying & soul shattering, to find out my “marriage partner ” isn’t even a real person and has lied, cheated, betrayed, and deceived me.”

My response:

I understand this one profoundly – because I suffered addiction to narcissists as a total addict. Being addicted and devastated are horrendous symptoms of assigning someone as “the parent” to fix and heal our own inner young wounds rather than taking that on to become a health partner / parent to ourselves.

If we are in this pattern, we have a tendency to attract abuse, cling to abuse, and show up as powerless children handing over our soul, boundaries and self-respect, and signing up for more soul disintegration in the process.

That is until we commit to partnering with ourselves.

Hopefully we reach the point where we have had enough of the agony (for me, like many others, it had become life and death) to finally commit to loving, supporting and developing our own Inner Being.

In all the cases of narc abuse I have worked with, I know that people who feel addicted, “still in love” and “shattered by someone who said they loved me” (I went through all of that too with narc number 1) are in for the hardest of times.

And truly, this is serious, and there is a dire need to commit to the inner development work to break out of the powerless tendency to keep reconnecting and clinging and chasing and pining, no matter how badly we were treated.

Because it is soul-destroying.

I promise you that when you make it all about yourself, and your healing and your development then you will be able to step outside of these deeply destructive emotions and self-abusive relationship patterns.

I know exactly how traumatising that feels – because I’ve been there. Now today in my life I am grateful beyond measure that the narcissists in my life took me to my knees with nowhere else to go – because I certainly would not feel like and be living the life, freedom and joy I am today if I hadn’t cleaned my inner stuff up.

It was all divinely orchestrated and worth every bit of crawling and then walking and then dancing forward as a result of my internal self-development.

My heart goes out to your agony, and I promise you this … after experiencing and overcoming my level of powerlessness, and deathly, self-annihilating addiction to narcissists, I KNOW anyone can heal from this – if you commit with devotion and determination to yourself.

Not Realizing The Evolution Gift

“I completely cut him out of my life recently. I’m 28. I feel like the last four years of my life, years that should have been my prime years, were a waste and a lie. I have nothing to show except that I’m a complete mess.”

My response:

What you are dealing with here is resistance to the truth.

The truth always sets us free, it’s the resistance to truth that kicks us so hard.

The resistance you have is non-acceptance of “this happened so that I could heal and evolve.”

If I can be really straight with you – as of course I had to be with myself after feeling like this too – Life does not owe us anything. We can’t “get” our life, we can only “be” it.

Other people, narcissists or not – are not responsible for our lives – we are. Other people will only ever reflect back to us our beliefs about ourselves, others and life – no more and no less. This means when we have suffered greatly at the hands of another, and then tried to hold them accountable for our lives, we need to take a deep breath, self-reflect and STOP holding them accountable.

We need to be clear and straight with ourselves …

“How was I being and showing up that co-generated this?”

“What parts of myself were life showing me that I needed to evolve?”

“What parts of myself were continuously handing over power because of the fear of rejection and abandonment?”

“What parts of myself were not genuinely “in love,” and were not sharing profound love for myself and Life with another, but were really attached to someone else to provide me with my own sense of lovability, worth and security.”

This is about being honest with ourselves – not brutally honest – lovingly honest.

Because if we don’t start accepting the truth of what really happened we are not on the field let alone near the goals, and we have no ability to move forward from victim consciousness, which is the greatest impediment to healing, growth and recovery.

The truth is we have stuff we need to clean up – deep stuff inside ourselves that feels powerless, and is not self-loving or self-generative.

Law of Attraction is totally unconditional.

It states, “I love you so much I will grant you more of who you are being.” The stronger the emotional charge the more Law of Attraction responds with no preference whatsoever to whether the charge is “good” or “bad.”

The system of Life knows it’s all good, because it wakes us up to learn we are The Creator calling it all forth from our emotional belief systems – and hopefully if we have had enough we commit to changing Who we are being, and what we are calling forth.

Your greatest goal is to find the way to release your pain, and transform yourself to stop the emotional laden charges of “My life is a waste and a lie. I can’t get those years back, and all I have to show is I am a complete mess.”

Because “Okay,” says Law of Attraction “you decided that, so BE it.”

YOU are being it!

Can you understand that Life just delivers more of Your Being?

So what is going to set you free from this self-imposed powerless prison? Stopping that and accepting the truth – this happened for me so that I could heal.

Pain is inevitable, it calls us to self-reflect and evolve what we need to. Suffering is optional; it’s the non-recognition of what the real purpose of emotional pain is.

Your options are as clear cut as night and day …

Hang on to your personality’s version or accept your soul’s version.

When we are stuck in the first (that’s the only trapped place that exists) we fight for our limitations, and our victim story. We fight to stay trapped. We tell anyone who will listen how bad it was what he / she did, and how ruined our life is now, and we even join groups where other people do this continuously too – and for all our self-proclaimed righteousness and reasons why we are victims – we JUST don’t get well.

And nobody comes along to rescue our inner powerless child – because we were always the only person meant to do that.

Or … on the path of your soul’s version you will make it all about your own evolution. You will partner yourself deeply and find every young part of yourself which feels powerless, and dependent and not believing she is free to be love and generate more of that with Life.

Life has a ton of resources, and when we deeply partner ourselves, we open up to the expansive co-flourishing with Life as enormous unlimited opportunity and potential.

I promise you – even though you struggle to feel it now – many people have connected gloriously to the beginning of Real Life long after 28. “If only (I say to myself) I could have had the truth shown to me at 28!”

You have it all amazingly ahead of you – if you align with the truth of your soul.

Co-parenting

“Feeling incredibly tied to and trapped by my ex narc. Co-parenting as a separated couple of a small child means that modified contact is still too much! His need to control, sideline me as a mother and gain supply still gets my cortisol levels up and I am constantly waiting on guard for what will happen next (even though I repeat that module often). I fantasise (probably mistakenly) about how much easier no contact would be and worry about my son and his experiences with a narc dad constantly. I just can’t imagine how I’m going to do this without those feelings for the next 13 years! I feel no ties to him or any grief around our relationship. But I feel connected in almost a karmic way (because of our son) and it feels like there’s no easy way out!”

My response:

I can feel and see the “glitch” that you are suffering here. You are working NARP which is great – fabulous – but you have missed the essential (key) and that’s okay … Hopefully I can help you shine a light on it.

The narcissist in your life is offering you the gift of up-levelling – co-parenting or not. And it’s a powerful and essential message, and this is why Life and your soul has manifested the lesson in this way – so it can’t be avoided.

This is about going to the parts of you which are still in the beliefs and powerlessness of: “He can control, sideline, gain supply, and I have to always be on guard.”

What you need to do is feel into EVERY angst on those topics that are triggered. What does this have to do with your young inner child who feels bullied and powerless? They are the parts you need to determinedly embrace and shift with NARP.

And once you have worked on them, you can do the work on the fear about your son. I have spoken in length and even done a two part series on – How Parents Can Help Empower Their Children. You have the information and tool (NARP), you just need to apply it.

That is how we heal – it is never about “what he / she is doing” – it is always about “What is that young underdeveloped part of me being triggered.”

Take your focus off the fantasy of “being rescued” from this – that is NOT your evolution path!

That is just those young underdeveloped parts wanting an easy way out – and it’s not the answer, and not going to happen – because what would you have evolved if that was the case?

When you up-level those parts, your boundaries will improve, you 
won’t be triggered by his tactics, and you won’t hook in or hand over any more narcissistic supply.

Then he will stop doing all of these things without exception.

Universal Law states: “What is in our experience is a direct match for our “beingness,” and narcs only do the behaviour where they know supply can be extracted. And please be very sure even emotional reaction without physically acting on it is still narcissistic supply.

Energy connects …

When you shift your triggered beliefs he will leave you alone, stop using your son as a pawn and he will have to feed somewhere else – co-parenting or not.

There are many co-parents in this community who are no longer affected – truly. But these are the ones who have taken on “What parts of me do I determinedly need to up-level – the parts you are triggering for me to show me what I need to heal?”

Your growth, that is for the taking, is NOT just about co-parenting with him – it is about your expansion into healthy boundaries, being seen and heard and being confident and free in every area of your life.

Despite the appearances of “what is happening,” this is the greatest gift your soul knows you could have.

Don’t shy away from it. Dive into it with full commitment and even excitement.

Having To Feel In And Discover What The Fear Is

The fear paralyses me … Example today the pool pump guy said to get the paperwork for the warranty … I go into panic!!! Why is that???

My response:

This is an unhealed inner part trying to get your attention via this trigger. Until you go inside and connect with “self” you could only ever guess what it is about.

This is the problem with what we have been “taught” to do – we believe we can stay in our minds, try to “think” about it, or ask other people.

We look to the outside for our answers when they are within us.

And of course we just try to carry on avoiding our triggers – meaning we have to numb ourselves out with distractions. Or we contract back from life, hiding from anything that may set off the trigger again.

Your life is unique, as is your history; only your Inner Being knows what young scared, vulnerable under-developed wound is causing you to be triggered.

When you learn how to self-connect, feel into your body, know how to be in theta brain-wave and access where that young wound is being held, and open up into it, your subconscious will show you “what this is.” Then if you have an energetic tool to shift it (such as Quanta Freedom Healing) you will be able to release it from your body and replace it with the mature, developed Source version of your True Self.

Then that trigger will not come up like that again, and you will have evolved and expanded beyond that young underdeveloped part. Your “beingness” and personal power will have improved in relation to your entire life as a result.

This is exactly what triggers are – they are a call to go inside and up-level – and this is why they are so precious, and not to be covered over and avoided.

So it is great that you asked about it!

Unable To Leave

Feeling trapped in Fear to leave … I know I am stronger than allowing him to control me. But it’s like a paralysed feeling comes over me. He has been physical (grabbing, and throwing a TV at me), verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive. I can’t stand to be here but it’s like I am. Frozen … Ugh

My response:

Again, these “trapped” young unhealed parts within you feel hooked, dependent and terrified about generating life independently. Most women suffer horrendous DNA survival fears without a man. There has been very little time for females to evolve from this, it was only a couple of hundred years ago that women literally could not physically survive let alone prosper without a man.

In many countries this is still the case. Truly – it is a collective female powerless wound – but it can be, and is healed when you do the inner work on it.

Please know that people have been able to detach enough and work on their Inner Beings in order to be able to leave, and others just left and then did the work.

Naturally, the first version means by the time you leave you are much more emotionally solid, and no-where near as easily derailed. Yet, it can be difficult to get the space to heal when living with the enmeshment of an abuser. If the narcissist will allow you to detach without violating your boundaries during the times you work on yourself – then it is possible.

But this means when the narcissist is present you have to detach – you have to get it straight NOT to hand over power by displaying anguish, powerlessness, or trying to get accountability or trying to force the narcissist to change. Most of all you have to resist trying to get the narcissist to rescue you from your own fears.

You have to determinedly detach – do Modified or even No Contact – and then work on yourself whenever you can.

I did a Thriver Story with a lady named Kayla some time ago, and I will never forget it. Kayla left earlier in the mornings, and would sit in her car to do NARP shifts before work. That is how she up-levelled enough to leave.

This is the difference between Thrivers and Survivors – Thrivers do everything that it takes to partner their Inner Beings.

I will say this … if he is violent and you can’t detach and have peace, then it’s time to go. The truth is: you will be in the terror and white-knuckling addiction when you do. Every survival and attachment fear is going to come screaming up for you – and that is why it is so important to face and work with these parts as soon as possible.

In regard to the physical decision, before leaving, you need to think it through and exit in ways that can put boundaries around your wellbeing, and ensure you can secure what you need before he knows you’ve left.

Then you can commit to yourself full heartedly – into the inner work to up-level all the emotional parts of you that could be susceptible to his antics, tactics, attacks, and security threats.

Many of us left “this” way – we just HAD to get out – despite our total terror and addiction. This is the most common way to recover. It is totally doable, and the advantage is that you will have the space to heal without the narcissist in your face constantly trying to derail you.

Then … of course … the real inner work begins.

A Dysfunctional Court System

“I am trapped by a dysfunctional family court system. I am only allowed to see my children 10 overnights/month. My daughter cries while secretly texting from dad’s place. I am forced to co-parent with a horrible human being who takes from me as much as he can. He threatens me with taking me to court constantly. He can’t stand when I ignore his emails and show I am free from submitting to his bullying. He accuses our daughter of taking “my side” while he verbally abuses her. I grew tired of the emotional war he waged against me, so I decided to change in order to positively change my children’s lives. It is working.”

My response:

Your post is what many people face when dealing with narcissists – struggles with legal systems. High conflict personalities often use legal systems to abuse by proxy, and to get what they want.

That is wonderful that you have “come inside” to make the change happen from within first.

Law of Attraction operates through us to effect everything in our experience. Struggles with legal systems are one of the worst ways we can continue to be “violated” if we had deep charges of “violation” still coursing through our body.

We will attract the legal personnel who exploit, the judge that rules in favour of the narcissist, and all sorts of conditions within the experience that keep bringing us more abuse, loss and fear.

I know personally I had to shift enormously negative beliefs about “the system,” in order to start having much better experiences.

My last confrontation with the law, due to a fraudulent claim by a narcissist, was easily solved, and I was totally listened to and believed. Interestingly, the police officer had also had relationships with narcissists, and we discussed in length the patterns of the “cycle of violence,” and she could see straight away the truth of what had happened.

I know I would never have had Law of Attraction lining up such a positive experience for me if I had remained in my previous belief systems. In my earlier times, my own fears of authority, and a deep shame of being “wrong or caught out” (childhood wounds) used to always mean my back was up against the wall, and I was showing up in ways that made me look guilty.

The situation you are in is different and of course extremely painful for you and your children, yet the truth remains the same: when we change our beingness then the outer conditions will change to match our inner state.

The great thing about working at up-levelling our belief systems through our body means we don’t have to intellectually work out what our painful beliefs are. The system of inner work is far less complicated. All we need to do is think of our situation, and connect to the painful emotional charge (trigger) and then track it back though our body for the information, and for its release and transformation.

Then our body shifts into “space” and “freedom” and our brain neuron pathways also physiologically shift to a higher state of intuition, solutions and possibilities – and then “The Field” (Life) also shifts and starts delivering solutions.

It doesn’t matter how bad things have been, how “wrong” the system and its representatives have been – Life has unlimited permutations and resources to shift; to clear The Field and start replacing it with people and situations which are a match for your newly shifted inner state.

Naturally, in situations that are highly stressful and traumatising (such as legal challenges with narcs) the challenge is really all about “How do I get my attention off ‘what is’ and free myself emotionally (regardless of conditions) in order to become the change I seek?”

That’s the real work, and it means much less time trying to react and formulate answers when feeling traumatised – because The Field will only ever bring you “more of that.” That energy needs to channel into doing the work directly in your body.

It is normal and human to think “I don’t have time to do this work – when I have ALL of this to battle!” The irony always is: the times when we don’t want to work on ourselves, are the times we need to do it the most.

It is wonderful that you are now digging deep, healing and empowering yourself, because that is the true solution for you and your children.

Not Wanting To Be In Life

“I am in a constant battle and I struggle lately with voluntary solitude. I only want to stay home under the covers because I don’t want to be out in the world. I go to work and do what I need to do to take care of my kids and pay bills etc. but there is no pleasure in any of it. Something is blocking me from seeing a future for myself (I can see great things for my kids but not for me personally). Everything is a trigger for me and I constantly miss the good things about my Narc Ex husband and the life we had together now that he is living with someone else. I think about how we will never have those times/experiences again and I try to thank God that I had the opportunity to love and to feel and to bring children into the world but then the sadness and the emptiness takes over and I just want to check out and forget because it is too painful. Does getting in touch with true self stop the longing and constant remembering?”

My response:

When we track the intense pain of longing, and thinking all joy and love in our life is finished and so forth, we start picking up the beliefs and energies of our “blocks” to do with being disconnected spiritually from ourselves. Then we are able to start cleaning up our earlier wounds not allowing us to be an organic source – at one with ourselves and at one with life.

Then it is as if a blindfold comes off and we see the truth very clearly. We deeply somatically understand how we have never felt truly connected or at one, and how we were always in a constant state of emptiness and anxiety trying to get another person to give us our sense of “self,” and how were willing to put up with abuse in order to maintain it.

Then we realise exactly why the narcissistic experience happened, and why the inevitable agony of it was such a blessing – because it forced us to come home to ourselves and heal.

When we are far enough down the path, many things happen emotionally. We are relieved that we are no longer living a lie, and we have no attraction, missing or longing for the narcissist at all.

He or she becomes a “messenger” only of our wounds – a pivotal part of our journey to help us course-correct to create an authentic self and authentic life.

We also have no desire to be inauthentic or to connect with inauthentic people. They just don’t do it for us anymore. We recognise that arrogance is not confidence, lies are immaturity, materialism is shallow and unsatisfying, bullying is total insecurity, and that lack of accountability is severe dysfunction and unconsciousness. These behaviours are no longer our reality, and we now have the ability to create a healthy life, with healthy people.

But it’s not like we click our fingers and are just there. We can’t just logically decide we feel released from it, because it’s our emotional beliefs that are running our life.

By the time we have experienced a narcissist and all the devastation that goes with that experience, we have had a lot of painful beliefs which not just led us there (Law of Attraction) but have kept us emotionally invested even after the demise of the relationship.

When those beliefs, one by one by one, get peeled back and transformed, then we start opening up to the space and truth of our Real Life.

I promise you, if you do that process, one day you will look at who you were being, and how you felt and you will not even recognise that person.

And you will be free.

  
Freer than you ever were even before the narcissist.

In Conclusion …

I hope my answers to people’s specific trapped feelings have helped grant you hope that there is a way to be released and liberated.

A way to be emancipated from who you were being into Who You Really Are.

As you have probably understood – the answer is the same answer each time.

 We have to be-come the change we seek.

Because when we “be” it, then it will “come.”

That is the key to your life …