5 Blocks to Forgiveness!

By Aine Belton

Forgiveness can be elusive, yet it is the key to emotional freedom, more love and all that brings you joy, and more space in your being and life for beautiful new situations, creations and realities.

So, what’s standing in the way?

Below are 5 resistances that can block the experience of forgiveness in your life, and the love, freedom, peace and new-births that forgiveness brings.

Simply recognizing these can initiate shifts and make a valuable difference.

* I don’t know about you, but I’ve found for me personally, and with family and friends I know, there can be certain things that seem easier or harder to forgive.

That can vary for all of us depending on what particularly presses our buttons, feels most traumatic, and/or plugs most into our wounds, belief systems, stories, shadows, etc.

It can be because of that that we may experience more resistance or difficulty forgiving, and its by-product of letting go.

Righteousness in these ‘plugged-in’ cases may be heightened and feel justified in the grip of beliefs, stories, and hidden agendas, yet can keep unforgiven limiting circumstances alive.

That doesn’t actually have to be the case, however, since in truth forgiveness is not dependent on what you are forgiving.

* When you forgive, you let go. Letting go is always a part of forgiveness, and because of that, can create another resistance to it if you have a resistance to letting go.

I remember after my father died many years ago my sister had a lot of anger. For years this anger would pop up around my father. Sure, there were things to be angry about, but this anger was more like a cover and means for holding on and not going to the next level of feeling and healing – the pain beneath that, the grief, mourning and letting go.

She realized the anger was a way to hold on, to actually keep him alive in some way.  

That was her resistance to forgiveness, so I felt to share that  as an example of the connection between forgiving and letting go and possible resistances due to that connection.

* Another resistance to forgiveness is a fear that if you forgive someone you would have to ‘hang out with them’ or lose your boundaries in some way. Obviously this isn’t the case, you get to choose who is or isn’t in your life, and just addressing this often hidden yet trapping fear can help free it.  

* Another resistance is a sense that if you forgive you are essentially condoning the behavior of the person you are forgiving.

Obviously if you don’t like the behavior you may have a resistance to forgiving them if you hold that association.  

What I want to share with regard to that is a valuable difference between forgiving the ‘why’ rather than the ‘what’.

You don’t have to focus on forgiving the act or deed, whatever that be. You can focus on forgiving the reasons behind it – the inner pain, dysfunction, mis-truth, mis-alignment, beliefs, shame, insecurities, etc. that may have caused someone to act the way they did.

What’s more, as the saying goes, it is the hurt-full who are hurtful. 

Bad behavior is ultimately a cry for help.

Beyond that, there is the why YOU attracted, allowed or created the experience.

What were those reasons? What was your story, wound, belief or hidden agenda?

Or was it a lack of self-worth, shame you carry, perhaps an outer manifestation of a form of self-punishment?

Or was it actually, in retrospect, a blessing in disguise you consciously or not so consciously called forth?

Take responsibility and forgive yourself if necessary, for on whatever level allowing the experience. Doing so will help you more easily forgive others.

You are the common denominator of your reality. What ‘why’ within you regarding any situation can you address, become conscious of, and forgive yourself for if necessary, or thank yourself for if there’s a hidden gift there.

* Lastly, the ego will resist forgiveness. Anything unforgiven is fertile ground for the ego, which doesn’t want you to forgive because then you’ll be free of the grip of its ‘yamma yamma’ stories, drama and ego traps. Simply being aware of the ego’s resistance can help!

Forgiveness Stepping-Stones

There can be stages with forgiveness, just as with grief.

Honouring your feelings is one of them. Forgiveness rarely works through a wall of anger and gritted teeth, for example.

Processing your feelings is important to look at when it comes to forgiveness, and can be a first step towards it.

You may need to get those feelings off your chest – ‘cleanly’ – such as through writing them down, punching a pillow , talking to a friend, etc.

You may need to heal first, though, of course, forgiveness can be a big part of that healing – they are far from mutually exclusive. 

Always be open to that forgiveness whatever phase you’re in.

I wanted to point out the difference between blocks and resistances, and what may be more phases taking you towards forgiveness.

Processing your feelings, allowing healing, etc., can be valuable stepping-stones to forgiveness.

You don’t have to go rushing into forgiveness, feel guilty if you’re not ‘there yet’, or feel like you’re unspiritual or unevolved for not managing to do so quickly or easily.

Honour your journey, your process, your feelings, yet know forgiveness is always there for you.

If that forgiveness feels too much, try ‘handing it over’ to your Higher Self / the Divine / the Universe, to forgive on your behalf, and to facilitate the grace of forgiveness so it can flow through you. Affirm your willingness for that forgiveness, knowing the gifts it brings, and allow Grace to work its love and magic to support that.

Much love,

Aine
 

P.S. Any thoughts feel free to share below!