The Futility Of “I Will Be Happy When…”

Life is full of many incredible ironies, and the more we get to understand how life really works, and Who We Really Are, we can begin to understand what does serves us is not what we have been programmed and conditioned to think.

 

The operative work in the above sentence is ‘think’.

 

The information in today’s article is a sharing of my personal journey and the path I am connected to presently.

 

This path fascinates me and excites me beyond anything I have ever felt and experienced emotionally and vibrationally before, and I am literally stunned by how pure and simple it can be.

 

Like so many people in the Community, I certainly have not always done it the ‘simple way’. As a self-confessed co-dependent running some pretty fierce egoic survival programs – I have lived a great deal of my life from a powerless position – trying to create positive change by combating life rather than working within the true system of life.

 

Hence why I have experienced a lot of pain and disappointment – and why I do what I do as a mission.

 

The great thing is understanding ‘what has gone on’, and being able to deeply resonate with how to turn that around.

 

In regard to recovering from narcissistic relationships we hopefully realise there comes the time when we have to ‘let go’ in order to survive.

 

It is impossible to force a pathological individual to start operating with integrity, care, decency and compassion. We all certainly discover the hard way – it is impossible to control the uncontrollable.

 

Inevitably we reach the juncture where no matter how many different shapes of a pretzel we try to twist into, we finally ‘get’ we cannot change someone else’s personality disordered brain-wiring and resulting conscienceless behaviour.

 

The truth is we are not meant to.

 

The ‘letting go of the narcissist’ is symbolic…and it’s only the beginning.

 

The journey of healing and recovering ourself is about so much more than just letting go of the narcissist.

 

What it is really about is the letting go of our fearful egoic self.

 

It is about letting go of the ‘monkey mind’, ‘the blender brain’ and the fearful emotions and choices we make when we feel powerless.

Ironically the feelings we experience of powerlessness during and after narcissistic abuse, are identical to the feelings of deep inner powerlessness that the narcissist reacts to and expresses as pathological behaviour, maliciousness and rage.

 

It is only deeply frightened people who damage others.

 

It is only deeply frightened people who accept damage from others.

 

When we take the journey of personal evolution we look deeply at ourselves. We look at how fear, emptiness and powerlessness have played out in our own life.

 

We start to understand that there is no ‘out there’ – the ‘out there’ that showed up was all about showing us what was ‘in there’ to heal.

Where Has The Powerlessness Come From?

It’s no surprise that our ego is the culprit.

 

It is the true ‘enemy within’.

 

Our ego is not just powerless – it is narcissistic.

 

I’ll explain why…

 

The ego entices us with manipulation – feelings of unworthiness, and not ‘enoughness’ in order for us to try to get the relief of ‘an identity’ from outside of ourself.

 

The ego convinces us that the outer seeking it urges us to do will make us ‘more’ – yet all it does is strip us down to ‘less’.

 

The following is SO important to understand.

 

Our ego is a False Self – it is not Who We Really Are.

 

The problem is – if we are living our life through our ego – we are disconnected from deeply feeling the peace, fullness and connection of Who We Are, and the search for authentic joy, love and fulfilment is thwarted constantly.

 

It’s like looking for salvation in every place possible except where it really is.

 

Your ego as a False Self never feels good enough. Therefore the ego needs to define itself with ‘stuff’ ‘people’ and ‘significance’. This means the ego precariously feels ‘great’ if it gets what it wants (temporarily), and ‘hurt’ when it doesn’t (often).

 

Life to the ego is an unstable rollercoaster of painful and addictive emotions.

 

Your ego, as an insecure self, takes many things personally. Your ego states “I can’t be happy NOW because this happened to me in the past”.

 

Your ego also believes “I can’t be happy until I get the stuff, person or significance in the future that will make me happy”.

 

If we are not conscious, we can easily believe the stories our ego feeds us and they become our identity. These stories are emptiness, worthlessness and the constant barrage of ‘you are not good enough as you are’.

 

That is exactly what depression is – living life through your False Self.

 

Co-dependents have it, and narcissists have it.

 

It’s just that co-dependents, because of essential integrity, don’t pathologically, purposely and maliciously use people to get relief from it.

The Pain Body

The pain-body is the collective manifestation of all the pain, misery, and sorrow a person has ever gone through their entire life, and all the things they inherited from their culture and family history as well. A person’s pain-body feeds and strengthens itself by making themselves and others miserable.

–Eckhart Tolle

 

Like all true narcissists, any attention is good attention, as it confirms the ego’s existence.

 

A narcissistic individual feels validated when he or she acts out and procures pain. Identically your ego gains the same temporary satisfaction.

 

Narcissistic individuals are fed and energised by another person’s painful reaction. Identically your ego is energised and fed from your pain.

 

The more pain you give it, the more it takes you over, and then the ego has exactly where it wants you. Hooked to it and handing over regular and plentiful supplies of pain.

 

You know exactly how that played out with the narcissist.

 

See the correlation?

 

In the case of the narcissist the ego has performed a complete takeover of the submerged and shrivelled up True Self. The narcissist deciding to choose pathology to emotionally survive – “I will use any method necessary to stay one-up of others who could hurt me”, and destroyed the True Self (conscience and reverence for life).

 

The narcissist disconnected completely from the truth of life – ‘What I do to others is what I do to myself. Because we are all ONE’

 

When you are dealing with a narcissist you are not dealing with a ‘human’ (someone connected to their Soul), you are dealing exclusively with an egoic pain body.

 

The ego needs conflict, pain and struggle to exist.

 

Think of cancer cells. They eat up surrounding tissue but the tissue they consume never makes them ‘well’ – the cancer only spreads and strengthens itself.

 

If the condition of ‘cancer’ is not dissolved, eventually the disease destroys the environment and ultimately itself.

 

Your ego is this insidious. It is the cancer of your Soul.

 

If you did a study or compiled statistics on how narcissists end up at the end of their life, you would see the real life evident of where being entrenched in one’s ego takes someone.

 

It’s not pretty…

How To Identify Your Ego

You ego is the perpetual voice which says ‘I am not happy now’.

 

The reason being it is not receiving ‘relief’ from itself adequately from outside of itself.

 

As a False Self, the ego never feels okay on its own merits. It harbours pain of the past as the reason it can’t be at peace now (consciously or unconsciously), and has expectations and demands for the future as conditions in order to be happy.

 

Therefore only when I have the right partner, the right amount of money in my account, the adequate security, possessions, clothes, job or lifestyle, attention, recognition or entitlement can I, or will I be ‘worthy’, ‘enough’ or ‘happy’.

 

Trying to satisfy you own ego is like trying to satisfy any narcissist – it can’t be done.

 

Even if these things come the ego does not want to be happy because then it would be out of a job.

 

Rather than having the consciousness to realise the unhappiness is coming from within, the ego finds a way to judge, criticise and demean what it does get, project shame and internal pain as blame as others, gets bored with ‘success’, or acts out the unconscious unworthiness that will sabotage the deal.

 

Or (as is the case with co-dependents horrifically) will make all the logical excuses to ignore the inner warning bells and continues with a ‘wonderful’ deal or relationship which ends up as pain and disaster instead – not knowing that the egoic pain body was running the show.

 

There is never ANY stability, security or happiness created though the ego.

 

The more your ego has grabbed hold of you, the more emptiness, neediness and self-criticism, and lower self-worth you will suffer, and the more addicted you will be to having to get things, people’s energy and significance outside of yourself to escape the feelings of not being enough.

 

Then the more you are robbed of your true identity – your True Self.

Disconnection From Your True Power

The ego’s purpose is to disconnect you from your own power.

 

How does it do this?

 

It convinces you that you are NEVER ENOUGH and you need to GET MORE.

 

The tool the ego uses is painful emotions to get your mind to think painful thoughts, which then create more painful emotions which then signal for more painful thoughts.

 

Where are the painful emotions being generated from?

 

The past…

 

Where is the ego constantly living?

 

In the painful past, and trying to scramble over the top of the now in order to manufacture some relief from a future event.

 

The ego is never satisfied or connected to the Now.

 

Not durably anyway and certainly not solidly. Only if the ego’s exact expectations are met – and only momentarily before the ego has a chance to discredit, find fault with or or sabotage the happiness.

 

Or what seems wonderful in the now turns into the painful calamity it always was (remember co-dependently ignoring intuitive warning bells).

 

Where does your True Self exist and know itself as peace, connectedness, wholeness and consciousness?

 

In the Now…

 

Because Now is the only place that exists. Every moment of your life, where you ever had any influence whatsoever, is in every moment of Now.

 

Now is the only place you have any power – and to have power your consciousness and connectedness needs to be right here right now.

 

It’s impossible to have any connection to life, your Soul, happiness, creativity, love and appreciation of yourself, life and others when you are living as “I can’t be happy because of what happened in my past”, and “I can’t be happy until this particular thing happens in my future.”

Becoming Less To Become More

You may or may not follow this following theory of mine – and either way is perfectly okay.

 

I firmly believe that we are all in a process of evolution right now in a very profound way. Time has sped up (ask children they will agree) and it has nothing to do with ‘getting older’. We are fast tracking towards evolution of our species – and the world is in total need of a transformation of consciousness.

 

The illusions of separateness and pain have been going for a long time, and egos and insanity have been the cause.

 

Because you are a part of this community and have experienced the painful dance of the co-dependent and narcissist, this transformation time is powerful for you too, and I believe it’s no mistake that you are reading this information now.

 

This evolution process we are all undergoing is about getting out of the pain body (ego) and claiming our True Self.

 

Here is the massive irony..

 

To become more you have to become less.

 

You have to lose who you thought you were. You have to let it go. And you have to lose your mind, in order to become a new mind.

 

To claim your True Self you have to lose your ego, which is what you thought your Identity was.

 

When you let go of your old identity and beliefs, and become real and vulnerable instead, you realise just how invulnerable you really are.

 

When you let go of the previous conditions you required to be happy, you experience unlimited happiness.

 

When you no longer base your worth on outside validation or acquisitions, you naturally accept and love yourself, and an avalanche of good fortune starts entering your life.

 

Why? Because you are working with the true system of life.

 

Because you are no longer tied up in the agony of the pain of the past, or the conditional fear projected into your future. You are no longer a slave to feelings of defectiveness or unworthiness, or the panic of ‘what if’.

 

You are free to love, play and create.

 

Life is always giving you ‘more of you’, therefore do you want to emotionally remain trapped (limited), or become freedom and expansion (unlimited)?

 

This is the shift from a ‘Human Doing’ (ego) into a ‘Human Being’ (consciousness).

 

The latter is your natural state – it’s the state you are supposed to be experiencing.

 

Everything else is an illusion which has been keeping you separated from what you want – a true connection with yourself and life.

How To Dissolve Your Ego

I’ll grant you some of the suggestions that have worked incredibly well for me in dissolving my ego.

 

Firstly I can’t recommend ENOUGH reading Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth. Truly I don’t believe a spiritual development library is complete without this book – especially now.

 

Eckhart Tolle is the true master on writing about ego, humbly I wouldn’t even try to come close… his work is phenomenal.

 

Eckhart lays out a brilliant formula for identifying and dissolving the ego in A New Earth that is very easy to start applying immediately.

 

If you haven’t read it yet – it’s a must read!

 

Then, I have found the fastest and most powerful way to start starving the ego and breaking its circuit is to shift pain out of your cells. Which in effect is the reduction of your pain body.

 

Every time you go into your mind and start thinking about your emotional pain, or go for a fix outside of yourself to try to gain relief from the emotional pain, you have just fed your pain body.

 

Now your job to dissolve your ego just got bigger, because you let your ego get bigger.

 

This is what I do when I feel emotional pain…

 

I refuse to go into the story of it in my mind, which would only give my ego a hook in to me.

 

I now rarely get sucked in…very rarely.

 

(Of course I used to constantly, we all know the horrendous levels of that when you are hooked to a narcissist).

 

Instead of thinking about the pain, as soon as I can, I go into the feeling of the pain and shift it out of my body energetically with Quanta freedom Healing.

 

Then there is no charge and no painful thing for my mind to hook in to. The pain body vicious circle has been severed.

 

This way my pain body gets starved, and becomes less and less and less. Which makes space for my natural state as my True Self function to emerge and get bigger and bigger. The real me naturally feels whole and happy, creative and content Now, with no interruption of past pain or fears of conditions and expectations in the future.

 

What a relief!

 

What freedom!

 

I’m not going to delude you into thinking it’s an overnight job, because it isn’t. And once you start starving your pain body it is going to come at you ten times harder to try to get its fix, using any narcissistic method possible to hook you.

 

That’s why ignoring any thoughts and mind stories and just shifting out the emotional pain is SO effective. Because you don’t get hooked in to the rubbish.

 

This takes effort, and it means meeting your pain and NO LONGER avoiding it. It’s like shovelling out a hole of black mud to get to the gold underneath. The gold that was always there!

 

Boy is it worth it, and with powerful energetic tools to shovel out the mud it may only be a few months of firmly committing to yourself before you do – for the first time in your life – REALLY break free.

 

The important thing is – you can…

 

Imagine what our world would be if ego, pain, separation and fear was dissolved.

 

How do you change the world? The answer is always simple – start with changing yourself.

 

It all starts with one person becoming a True Self.

 

That’s how we can create heaven on earth.

 

I look forward to replying to your comments!