Rango

Movie Of The Week : RANGO

No man can walk out of his own story.

We each see what we need to see!  Beautiful, isn't it?

Dysfunctional family; need intervention!

 

Spirit of the West: No man can walk out of his own story.

 

 

 

Rango: I couldn't help but notice you noticing me noticing you.

 

 

 

Rango: [from trailer] So you want something to believe in?
[points at the "Sheriff" sign]
Rango: Believe in that there sign. For as long as it hangs there we've got hope.

 

 

 

Rango: Now, remember son: stay in school, eat your veggies, and burn everything but Shakespeare.

 

 

Rattlesnake Jake: [after Beans refuses to sign a deed] Sign the damn paper, woman!
Beans: Go to Hell!
Rattlesnake Jake: [wraps Beans in his coils and suspends her upside 

Rango: [after some kids throw rocks at him] Hey! What was that for?
Priscilla: You're funny-looking.
Rango: Well? You're funny-looking too.
Priscilla: That's a funny-looking shirt.
Rango: That's a funny-looking dress.
Priscilla: You got funny-looking eyes.
Rango: You got a funny-looking face!
Priscilla: [small pause] You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here.
[walks away]

 

 

 

Beans: Get your slimy, webbed phalanges off ma boots!

 

 

 

Rango: Us reptiles gotta stick together. Right, my brother?
Buford: I'm an amphibian.
Rango: Ain't no shame in that.

 

 

 

Rango: Is this Heaven?
Spirit of the West: If it were, we'd be eatin' Pop-Tarts with Kim Novak.

 

 

Rango: I think the metaphor broke my spleen.

 

 

 

Rango: We can control it! Like a monkey's bladder!

 

 

 

Rango: Now, we ride!

 

 

 

Bad Bill: I'm going to slice your face off and use it to wipe my unmentionables!

 

 

 

Rattlesnake Jake: [sees bullet] One bullet. You were right. I tip my hat to you... One legend to another.

 

 

 

Rango: [Wounded Bird is scratching his down feathers and scattering them into the wind] I see you're communicating with the great spirits.
Wounded Bird: No. I'm molting. It means I'm ready to mate.

 

 

 

Waffles: [Rango and his posse have found new purpose in their search for the outlaws] What do we do now, Sheriff?
Rango: Now... we ride!

Rango: [the band of mariachi owls stands a ways away with their instruments, waiting; Rango shouts to them] That means we're riding now! This moment.
[another whip is heard and the owls start playing the background music; everyone is riding roadrunners in the next cut]

 

 

Rock-Eye: [the hawk drops a bottle with Rango inside it directly on top of Rock-Eye the Toad, who is hiding from the hawk as a rock, from a great height] Ai! ¡Madre de Dios!
[sees Rango]
Rock-Eye: You! I'll kill you! You stupid lizard! Get out of there! I'm gonna strangle your huevos!
Rango: [points frantically from inside his bottle] The bird! The bird!
[starts running away in his bottle by rolling it]
Rock-Eye: [Rock-Eye looks behind him] No wait, come back!
[starts chasing Rango]
Rock-Eye: Hey, I was just kidding! C'mon, we're friends, right?
Rango: Aaah, I don't know you!
Rock-Eye: Lizards, frogs... we're practically related, right?
Rango: [overlapping] Find your own hiding place! No room at the inn!
Rock-Eye: Come on! Move over! I'll let you kiss my sister!
Rango: [Rango runs the bottle over a small sharp rock and the bottle breaks in half] No no no nonono...!
[slides to a stop]
Rock-Eye: [stops with him; pointing in triumph] HA! Ha ha ha!
[the hawk snatches him up]
Rock-Eye: [shouts out] You son of a!
[hawk screech]

 

 

 

Rango: [addressing the townspeople after the bank robbery] We all know exactly what we need to do now!
[aside]
Rango: And that would be?
Mayor: [whispers] Form a posse.
Rango: Form a possum!
[short pause]
Mayor: [still quiet] A *posse*.

 

 

 

Spoons: [after Rango forms a small posse to find the band of robbers] What do we do now?
Rango: Now, we ride!
[cut to them all riding across the desert on roadrunners, excited and energized]
Spoons: [to Rango] Where are we going?
[they have no leads on where the robbers might be]
Rango: What?
Spoons: I said, "Where are we going?"!
[cut to them all walking back into town, embarrassed]

 

 

 

Rango: [an arrow is sticking through Turley's head, entering in his right eye and coming out the left-rear side of his head; Rango looks disgusted] Whoa! Ehh... are you sure you're fit for duty there, soldier?
Sergeant Turley: [oblivious] What?
Rango: Uh, well, you've got a little somethin' in your... eye, there.
Sergeant Turley: [indicates his left eye, seemingly oblivious] Oh, that! That there's conjunctivitis, sir. It's hereditary.
Rango: [going along as not to hurt Turley's feelings] Oh! Well... um... glad to hear it's not contagious.

 

 

 

Elgin: That ain't nothin'. I coughed up an entire tribe of pygmies. They started lookin' at me weird.
Furgus: I remember them! They was quite friendly!
Spoons: I found a human spinal column in my fecal matter once...
[Awkward silence]
Sergeant Turley: You might wanna get that looked at.

 

 

 

Beans: [unimpressed] You ain't from around here, are you?
Rango: [she walks away] I- I'm still working on it. Uh, so, what's your name?
Beans: [rummaging through glass bottles in her cart] Beans.
Rango: That's a funny kind of name.
Beans: What can I say? My daddy plum loved baked beans.
Rango: Well you're lucky he didn't plum love asparagus.
Beans: [quickly stands up] What... what're ya saying?
Rango: I mean, I uh... I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I'm not sure that a child would uh, appreciate the moniker.
[picks up a jar with a sort of powder in it and puts some in his mouth]
Beans: [walking around the cart to Rango] My daddy was a great man, even if he did exhibit a proclivity for legumes, and... you...
[sees what Rango is eating]
Rango: Mmm, spicy!
Beans: You are eating his ashes!
Rango: [spits, disgusted] Eh! You carry his remains?
Beans: [takes the jar and reseals it] No! His ashes; he loved to smoke. They never found the body.
Rango: Oh. Um, I'm sure he had his reasons.

 

 

 

Wounded Bird: You kill bird?
Rango: Why, yes, I did.
Wounded Bird: Bird gone, snake come.
Rango: What do you mean?
Priscilla: Oh he's talking about Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He usually doesn't come to town because of that hawk, but he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?
Rango: I'm not scared. Heck, I think I'd like to meet this Rattlesnake Jake.
Priscilla: That's just what Amos said.
Rango: Who's Amos?
[Priscilla looks at something offscreen, Rango looks and sees a small graveyard with a headstone reading 'Amos, Sheriff Thur-Sat.']
Priscilla: Do you have any gold fillings?

 

 

 

Rango: I will blow that ugly right off your face!

 

 

 

Balthazar: Thespians? That's illegal in seven states!

 

 

 

Rattlesnake Jake: [realizing it's a swarm of bats in the form of a hawk] Ain't no hawk, ain't nothin' but bats!
[starts shooting at them]
Maybelle: Stick to the plan boys, bleed the devil dry!
[swarm spreads out, Jake laughs excitedly while trying to shoot every bat down, realizes he used up all his bullets, turns to see Rango pointing a gun at him]
Rango: It only takes one bullet.
Rattlesnake Jake: You ain't got the nerve.
Rango: Try me.

 

 

 

Rattlesnake Jake: [to the Mayor] What was that thing you said, "Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed."

 

 

 

Rango: [Rango marches into the bank after it's been robbed] All right, folks; stand back, clear the area, this is a crime scene, now. Secure the parameter, dust for prints, check for fibers, scan for DNA, I want a urine sample from everyone and get me a latte. Don't mix up the two.

 

 

 

 

Priscilla: What's he doing now?
Waffles: I think it's a number two.

 

 

 

Rango: That's for my gun. That's gun lotion.

 

 

 

Mayor: Control the water... and you control everything.

 

 

 

[the Mayor is intending to shoot Jake while Rango and Beans are in the bank vault that's filling up with water]
Mayor: You and the sheriff are more alike than you think. You're nothing but legends. Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed.

 

 

 

Rango: Who am I? I'm nobody.