Allowing Our Loved Ones to Be Human
by Madisyn Taylor
When we fall in love
with someone or make a new friend, we sometimes see that person in a glowing
light. Their good qualities dominate the foreground of our perception and their
negative qualities. They just don’t seem to have any. This temporary state of
grace is commonly known as putting someone on a pedestal. Often times we put
spiritual leaders and our gurus on pedestals. We have all done this to someone
at one time or another, and as long as we remember that no one is actually
“perfect,” the pedestal phase of a relationship can be enjoyed for what it is—a
phase. It’s when we actually believe our own projection that troubles arise.
Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind spots, just as we do. When we
entertain the illusion that someone is perfect, we don’t allow them room to be
human, so when they make an error in judgment or act in contradiction to our
idea of perfection, we become disillusioned. We may get angry or distance
ourselves in response. In the end, they are not to blame for the fact that we
idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed seeing themselves as perfect
through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose to believe an illusion. If you
go through this process enough times, you learn that no one is perfect. We are
all a combination of divine and human qualities and we all struggle. When we
treat the people we love with this awareness, we actually allow for a much
greater intimacy than when we held them aloft on an airy throne. The moment you
see through your idealized projection is the moment you begin to see your loved
one as he or she truly is.
We cannot truly connect with a person when we
idealize them. In life, there are no pedestals—we are all walking on the same
ground together. When we realize this, we can own our own divinity and our
humanity. This is the key to balance and wholeness within ourselves and our
relationships.
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