3 Ego Traps

1. Perfectionism

Perfectionism is the illusory holy grail of the ego.

When you strive to be perfect you will always end up feeling like a failure. However well you do, however much you achieve or attain, it will never feel like ‘enough’ because it will never be perfect, and hence will never quench the insatiable appetite of perfectionism. Instead, you are left feeling hollow and that you have somehow fallen short.

Perfectionism blinds you to your inherent worth and value, diminishing positives whilst over emphasizing negatives.

You spot what’s wrong, what’s not perfect, yet fail to see the assets, achievements, value, gifts, and beauty that’s there.

Perfectionism keeps you separate from love, acceptance and appreciation. It creates unattainable standards and expectations and offers no fruits in return, being devoid of feelings of success, triumph, celebration, and so on.

The futile quest for perfectionism is a compensation for a belief that who you are is not enough. Seeking perfection is an attempt to rid feelings of inadequacy, shame and valuelessness, yet sadly it only compounds these.

If you are trying to be perfect you will not be able to love yourself as who you are right now.

It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being YOU.

The more you love and accept yourself just as you are, the more easily you will let go of what you are not and experience your true wondrous nature.

Perfectionism can also be paralysing because you become overly concerned about your performance, choices even, out of a fear of them being wrong by being ‘imperfect’.

Excellence is worth striving for. Perfectionism, on the other  hand, is an ego trap. It is linked to higher levels of fear, control, feelings of inadequacy, and a lack of self-acceptance.

2. Judgment

When you judge yourself you are condemning yourself for your mistakes, flaws, weaknesses, or failings. Same goes with others.

We all have opinions, view points and perspectives that we are entitled to hold, of course. Being judgmental is a different energy, and is essentially about making you or someone wrong. Judgments hurt. With regard to judging yourself, the worse you feel about yourself the less likely you are to heal, change and experience your loving true nature. Same goes with others.

When you accept yourself as who you are, however, you more easily let go of what you’re not.

Judgment compounds that which is judged (in yourself or others) and keeps you bound and captive to those traits, keeping alive mistakes and failures.

Love, understanding, compassion and forgiveness, conversely, enable you to let go of and move beyond that which you are not, and that which is un-serving – be that thoughts and feelings, beliefs, hurts, fears, or people and situations in your life.

The more you love yourself unconditionally, the more your world will reflect that in happy positive realities and successes. Let go of self-judgment and choose to accept and appreciate yourself instead and see how your world positively transforms by that alone. You may need to start by giving yourself permission to do so, permission to love yourself.

If feel other people judge you or are hard on you, look at how you may be judging yourself. If you are punishing and criticising yourself in your mind or through sabotaging situations and behaviour, know your negative ego is at play, not your higher self.

We all make mistakes. Forgiveness is the way through and allows a new day, cleansing and refreshing you and your world.

3. Guilt

Guilt is a form of self-punishment. When you feel guilty you are stuck in a self-defeating swamp, your ‘magnetising potential’ for attracting positivity greatly diminishes, and you are likely to repel if not sabotage success.

Guilt invites punishment and victim scenarios, for if you do not punish yourself for the guilt you feel, consciously or otherwise, you may attract that punishment that you subconsciously feel in another form by way of people and circumstances you attract.

Guilt has no redeeming features. When you feel guilty you do not serve the one you feel guilty towards, or yourself, in any way. It is certainly not noble, though many, sadly, believe that it is. Guilt can also be arrogant, making everything about you and the impact you have, very often as an extension of feeling overly responsible for others.

Guilt keeps you stuck in the past and held back from correcting the ‘mistake’ and moving on. Furthermore, the guiltier someone feels, ironically the more likely the may be to re-do or re-live the behaviour they feel guilty about, because the worse someone feels and the more they believe they are ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ the more their behaviour may reflect that.

Guilt can also lead you to resenting the person or situation you feel guilty towards, which doesn’t serve them or you either. Instead of feeling guilty, acknowledge, forgive yourself, embrace any learnings, and step into the new – wiser, more loving and responsible than before.

We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. Guilt is an ego trap that leads to self-punishment and keeps you from loving yourself, which also diminishes your ability to love others. Being aware of that in itself can help you nip it in the bud.

Your upbringing may have instilled feelings of guilt, perhaps even guilt about being alive (though this may not be conscious), and religions can also generate feelings of guilt with ‘right-wrong’ dichotomies.

I believe you can make a choice not to feel guilty. Give yourself permission to stop it. You can care, love, be responsible and act from your conscience without guilt, in fact, more so without it. 

With love,

Aine Belton