Guilt
No
work or love will flourish out of guilt, fear, or hollowness of heart,
just as no valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no
capacity for living now. -Alan Watts
I can have a good life no matter what is going on around me
If
someone I love is sinking, sinking, sinking, I want to get them to
STOP. If my life is better than theirs, I punish myself for it by this
grinding guilt, this feeling that I am leaving someone behind on the
battlefield of the disease of addiction. But today I recognize that I
cannot help anyone who doesn't want my help. I cannot really save
anyone. People save themselves, fundamentally; others can help, but
others cannot do the job for them or as them. Sometimes I help because I
feel so much survivor's guilt. What I really want to do is run the
other way, but I feel too guilty to do that. What I really want is to
just feel okay having a good life of my own, but somehow I feel that I
should not have that if everyone I care about isn't okay. Today, I will
allow myself to have what I have, to live well, to follow my own path of
renewal and recovery.
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