I Love You Just The Way You Are

18^th May 2012 – Jake – Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.

Last night’s chat started with anxiousness.  Neytiri is conflicted about her treatment of Tsu’tey.  I think the underlining cause is that she has a false persona. When she is true to herself she cannot live the life of the false ego and hence there is a gap between the 2 which creates guilt, anxiety, shame, etc. I call it the shame / guilt gap. She thinks she needs to be a certain type of person to be accepted which conflicts with who she really is!  The "perfect", honest to goodness wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc.  No, the only thing we are perfect at is being wretches! She is living the lie, just like I was or am.

She knows she needs to answer (1) Who am I? and (2) What do I want?

The affirmation is : I AM WHAT I AM!  There is no need to apologies to anyone for this. It is what it is; Let It Be!

We re-visited Eat, Pray, Love again and I was more enlightened on the value of the writings.  I think it is to Neytiri what Avatar is to me.  Certain parts are written with her in mind and is so very essential to her journey to enlightenment.  It was like, WOW!

The following I found so very relevant / appropriate / enlightening:

“There's a reason we refer to "leaps of faith" - because the decision to consent to any notion of divinity is a mighty jump from the rational over to the unknowable, and I don't care how diligently scholars of every religion will try to sit you down with their stacks of books and prove to you through scripture that their faith is indeed rational; it isn't. If faith were rational, it wouldn't be - by definition - faith. Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy.”

Neytiri is now coming round to understanding the meaning of faith and not being in control.

“Om Namah Shivaya, meaning,
I honor the divinity that resides within me.”

Neytiri got a CD with this mantra, she wants to share with me.

“I thought about the relentless thought-processing, soul-devouring machine that is my brain, and wondered how on earth I was ever going to master it. Then I remembered that line from Jaws and couldn't help smiling: 'We're gonna need a bigger boat.”

This was like an "AHA" moment for her.

“Why must everything be repeat and repeat, never finish, never resting? You work so hard one day, but the next day you must only work again. You eat, but the next day, you are already hungry. You find love, then love goes away. You are born with nothing, you work hard, then you die with nothing. You are young, then you are old. No matter how hard you work, you cannot stop getting old. - Wayan”

When I read the above I thought to myself: This is Neytiri. She agreed.

“Moreover, I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that’s not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time—everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.

So very relevant and appropriate to Neytiri.

“meditation vs prayer = listening vs talking”

Just like what Dyer says!

"Man is neither entirely a puppet of the gods, nor is he entirely the captain of his own destiny. We gallop through our lives like circus performers balancing on two speeding side-by-side horses - one foot is on the horse called "fate," the other on the horse called "free will.” “We’re miserable because we think that we are mere individuals, alone with our fears and flaws and resentments and mortality. We wrongly believe that our limited little egos constitute our whole entire nature. We have failed to recognize our deeper divine character.”

Neytiri realises she is not in control.

“I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate. ”He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over. Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.“But I love him.”

“So love him.” “But I miss him.” “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you’ll be really alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

“I became a student of my own depressed experience, trying to unthread its causes. What was the root of all this despair? Was it psychological? (Was it Mom and Dad's fault?( Was it just temporal, a 'bad time' in my life? (When the divorce ends will the depression end with it?) Was it genetic? (Melancholy, called by many names, has run through my family for generations, along with its sad bride, Alcoholism.) Was it cultural? (Is this just the fallout of postfeminist American career girl trying to find balance in an increasingly stressful alienting urban world?) Was it astrological? (Am I so sad because I'm a thin-skinned Cancer whose major signs are all ruled by unstable Gemini?) Was it artistic? (Don't creative people always suffer from depression because we're so supersensitive and special?) Was it evolutionary? (Do I carry in me the residual panic that comes after millennia of my species' attempting to survive a brutal world?) Was it karmic? (Are all these spasms of grief just the consequences of bad behavior in previous lifetimes, the last obstacles before liberation?) Was it hormonal? Dietary? Philosophical? Seasonal? Environmental? Was I tapping into a universal yearning for God? Did I have a chemical imbalance? Or did I just need to get laid?”

These last 2 sections may prove to be prophetic!

Neytiri tells me that's what women want - to get laid! So her visiit might be one last pre-menopausal fling with a poor tosser on the other side of the world.  She will arrive, chew me up and spit me out and then be gone! Just like her past conquests!

She tells me she worries about what will happen if we do not get along once we are physically together.  We have not yet passed the belly-to-belly test; the 6 pack (if only) up against the muffin top!


And if it is true soul mates come into our lives to shake us up, drive us out of our marriage that we needed to leave, tear apart our ego a little bit, show us our obstacles and addictions, break our heart open so new light could get in, make us so desperate and out of control that we had to transform our life, then introduce us to our spiritual master and beat it, then this might be the reason for our reunion!


So what will it be in the Avatar vesus Eat, Pray, Love clash?  The dream becomes reality or the relationship be dropped?  More importantly, Who is "David"?


Time will tell and the strenght of our love will determine the ultimate outcome.  What does our love want? No need to dwell in the future.  Be present, Let go and Let God!  Nevertheless, Your Will be done!

Have a Mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing!


Stay tuned!